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Is the wedding business really bouncing back yet? Of course with more micro weddings.

Not sure that the wedding biz is bouncing back, RinTin, but I'm guessing when it does there will be a lot less hugging. Here's a little ramble on that exact subject:

Too Close for Comfort

Humans have a voracious desire to reach out and touch the people they meet. They hug, kiss, shake, hug again; they pass love, respect, and germs back and forth like a bowl of cool-ranch Doritos at a July 4th party. Greetings have always been unsettling. Anyone who has fallen victim to the Christian “side hug” (a graceless embrace that begins like a normal hug but ends with a surprising shove to the side to avoid genital contact) will affirm that it takes two to tango when it comes to proper greeting etiquette. How many times have I banged noses with an enthusiastic greeter who goes left instead of right with the European kiss-kiss? Or had my delicate Piano Girl fingers crushed by the vice-like grimy grip of a hulk wannabe who uses all his strength to shake my hand?

Saying a proper hello has always been weird, but in 2020, it has gotten ever so much worse.

The greeting playbook has been rewritten, my friends, and our options are limited.

I’m not a fan of the fist bump. President Obama—King of Cool—has always gotten away with fist bumping, but the mortals among us are best advised to avoid it. I will raise my fist for other issues—to threaten a punch in the nose, to protest for peace—but a greeting is not one of them. Plus, those germs still land on one’s fist, right? What if I have the urge to lick my fist later in the day? Or rub my eyes like a baby? Or try to do that party trick where I put my entire fist in my mouth? And is my hand sanitizer, the one currently causing my cuticles to peel and bleed, really strong enough to kill the deadly contagions that have been loitering on the other guy’s knuckles? Sorry, but unless I meet Obama, no fist bumping.

The elbow touch, a close relative of the side hug, might be somewhat effective, but when I see a bunch of old Caucasian guys touching elbows, I always think they’re about to break into an awkward white-person soul shake, and that the next thing on the agenda will be snapping fingers (on one and three), hip thrusts, butt bashing, and Trump-inspired lizard dance moves. Let’s not go there.

For a short while, the toe tap seemed popular. I call it kicking. The first time this happened to me—during an encounter with a banquet waiter while playing a piano job at a fancy-pants castle wedding—I couldn’t fathom why a member of the service staff was kicking me. Kicking, in polite circles outside of the prison yard, has never been an acceptable greeting. How are you, darling? Bam! In retrospect, I think the waiter was aiming for the toe of my leopard-skin pumps but missed and hit my lower leg. He presented me with a glass of fine champagne after the assault, but my shin remained sore for days. That’s no way to greet a lady.

There’s always the Jeffrey Toobin Zoom wave-wank, but most of us aren’t brave enough to appear anywhere in public without pants, especially while discussing the upcoming erection election. There but for the grace of Zoom go all of us.

Who’s zoomin’ who, anyway?

Here’s my suggestion: Let’s all agree to bow. Bow, as in bend from the waist—not bow as in playing a string instrument arco, although that too could be an interesting greeting if everyone agreed to play in tune. My husband, the double bass player, wrote a book once, which has become somewhat of a cult classic in the bass community. The title—Jazz Bowing Techniques for the Improvising Bassist—has caused some confusion over the years. Is that a bow in your quiver, or are you just happy to see me? Ask Jeffrey Toobin.

Some Asian cultures embrace the bow as a respectful form of greeting. I’ve gotten into a few bowing battles with Japanese fans (how low can you go?), and it can be a lot of fun, although somewhat distracting if one is, say, in the middle of performing a Satie Gymnopedie or a Gershwin standard on an instrument with questionable action. Still, bowing while playing is easier than trying to shake hands, bump fists, or touch elbows with an animated guest who doesn’t recognize that it takes two hands to play the piano. And I’d much rather be acknowledged with a bow than have someone kick my pedal foot out from under me or wave an unmentionable appendage at me when he thinks I’m not looking.

Added bonus: Bowing can be executed from a distance and it functions nicely in both analog and digital settings. It’s an all-purpose way to say hello.

I like bowing. As a performer I’ve been doing it most of my life, usually to get someone to clap for me, present me with roses, or give me money. As a kid, fantasizing about thunderous applause and an audience who might actually like what I do, I used to practice bowing in the mirror. I’m good at it and you can be, too. There’s the throw-away nod, the nonchalant jazz-guy bow, the namby-pamby my-heart belongs-to-you chest pat, the Shakespearean current-call bow (complete with hand flourish and leg gymnastics), the deep diva-curtsy, the namaste prayer-hands dip, and the royal meet-the-prince bob. You can personalize your bow for each situation. Make it eccentric, business-like, comedic, or coy. Pratfalls are permitted if one is wearing heels or has a bad hip.

Do keep your pants on.

And here’s the best part—no touching. You can send love into the world, or at least across the room, without bruising your shins, breaking your nose or fingers, suffering the indignity of the Christian side hug, exposing your private parts in front of an editorial team, or catching the frigging plague from someone who may have had her fist in her mouth seconds before meeting you.

The cautious curtsy may become a permanent addition to my repertoire of standard greetings. I’ve always been a full-on hugger, but that’s over unless the huggee is part of my inner circle. Do my bows look ridiculous? Probably. But if you’re wearing a mask and standing at a distance, you can laugh yourself silly and I’ll never know.

Nice to meet you.

You ARE the best, Robin. Thanks for another glorious romp!

Robin
Here’s another vote for the bow! Maybe we can start a PW trend that spreads faster than a Covid19 variant

I get a different, negative, laughable image of the elbow bump—- poor souls getting ready to start the Chicken Dance — performed on Lawrence Welk, no less ...enjoy !

There are rules that bowing persons in Japan understand. Relative status, occasion, context, intention, and plenty more I never even heard of. How low, how long, how many. How guilty do you feel, for example, or how wild and crazy, or how many shots of sake have you thrown back with your new buds, everyone bowing to each other after each. I suppose there are books, or maybe lessons, at least for executives who are drilled in deportment before being thrown into the scrum.

It's a nice idea to replace the unsanitary handshaking and fist bumping--- after all, you never know where it's been--- but I have to say, bowing is a language, and you know how Americans are about learning a foreign language. There was a time, just past living memory, when a lady would not leave the house to go downtown without a hat and white gloves. Call me crazy, but putting on plastic gloves just to shake hands (and then promptly discarding the hazardous waste) just doesn't say the same thing.

In California, home of the Hollywood Air Kiss, we see elbow bumps where the elbows never actually touch. No put down--- it's kind of fun, and no Plan B to worry about; it's sanitary as an autoclave.

"The Holzer Files" is on--- got to go.

Oh dear, I just read that someone whose name has appeared in this topic from time to time, died at the age of 93.

Thanks for the heads up, BDB.

Yes, folks, our dear Miss Tempest Storm is now in stripper heaven (cue the tom-toms). I've written extensively about her both here on PW and also in my new book (Piano Girl Playbook, coming on June 18th). In case you haven't read that part of this thread, here's the dope: Back in the eighties I was a piano-playing stripper in the national tour of a traditional burlesque show. Don't fret, it was a very clean show, especially by current standards. Anyway, I shared the bill with Tempest, who at the time was in her sixties and had a body that seemed to defy gravity.

She sort of took me under her breasts wing and gave me walking lessons. Tempest practically floated across the stage. Walking that effortlessly was difficult. I expressed my frustration.

"It's kind of like music," she said. "You need ten years of practice before you figure out if you're any good. I could teach you how to crawl, too, but that’s too advanced for you.”

Tempest was a trip. I don't do much stripping these days, but I do have to walk onstage occasionally. Thanks to her, I can do it with some style. Crawling, not so much.

When I was doing Tempest research to support my story for the book, I discovered that one of Tempest's films was called Buxom Beautease. I also learned that one of her g-strings is on display in a Las Vegas museum. You gotta have it goin' on to have your underpants wind up in a museum, that's what I say.

Jeff, I'm sure Tempest had a few bowing tips, as well. If only I had thought to ask. Bending over while topless is always a dicey proposition.

Dogperson—LOVE that chicken dance clip.

And thanks to pwl and everyone else for reading the bowing essay (a few posts back).

On another note, things are loosening up here in Germany. I'll be back at my steady gig at Excelsior Hotel Ernst in Cologne in September, and I'll be playing five days a week during the month of July at a very upscale resort in the Black Forest called the Brenner's Park Hotel. Between now and then I have a book launch to manage. And I've got to get myself physically back in condition so that I can play a five hour gig. Yikes. I should have asked Tempest about stamina, too.

Sending love to all my piano friends.

Can't wait for the book! Entertainment, here I come . . .

Robin - I recently read a blog you wrote "Where have all the Pianos Gone" I so enjoyed it. I'll look for your book. Hopefully it will be available on my Kindle. There's nothing like reading a good book only to fall asleep and have the Kindle pop you in the nose! Love technology. Thanks for the previous posts on this thread. Quite entertaining!

Good luck with your book launch and getting back to work.

It seems it will take the Chinese to save the piano, as an instrument, helped by the Japanese, the Koreans, and the Thai, with the Taiwanese in there somewhere, if only for parts. I'm sure, such would never have occurred to me back in the day. It follows, I suppose, that it will be forgotten that persons in the Western Hemisphere gave it its start, from the concert stage, to the home, to the burlesque palace with no budget for a proper orchestra. Someday, people will believe that we came up with the abacus instead of the ten-key calculator. They may grant us the Twist, but not the Burle-Q slink. Who will end up with that, when they write the history of western music? What were the Chinese playing all these years, when the rest of us were taking piano lessons and drilling for recitals?

I'm coming up with zero here. However, I do know that prima donnas of the Grand Opera stage were wont to bend from the waist and show the audience what they had, when their aria needed some pizzazz. Applause is applause, in any language, the world around.

In how many languages will your new book be issued? Because, speaking of "the world around," I'm pretty sure you have some readers here and there. They may only know you from your music, that universal language (with it battling it out with mathematics and the visual arts). I was reading a manual for a new board I got from Tascam recently, when I saw a note to them, complaining bitterly that the manual was not printed in Portuguese. It reminded them that this language is very widely spoken, and failed to appreciate being ignored. If the writer knew what a hash they had made of the English-language manual, they might have let well enough alone. Then again, looking at the map, Brazil is big, and populous. They say the Pope did not intend to give them quite so expansive a slice of the New World, but his edict stuck anyway, and now here we are.

The type in this manual is so tiny, it might as well have been printed in Chinese, for all I can tell. Someone well under 30 made the final draft.

Anyway, if your book tour takes you anywhere that I would not need a passport to visit (lacking this status symbol). I would be very pleased to see you, if you come.

Love,
Clef

Hello my friends,

Jeff, right now the new book will only be available in English although there's some chitchat about foreign language rights being acquired for both Japan and Germany. One can hope. The distribution of the English language version is worldwide, so maybe my tales of skullduggery and debauchery from the piano lounge—along with a genuine love of music—will reach an international audience (even if my Chinese friends don't exactly understand the meaning of skullduggery).

Evidently all the pianos are in Baden Baden, because when I show up there next week on a reconnaissance mission for my July engagement, I'm tasked with selecting one of them. A good sign, I think, that a five star hotel has four grand pianos. Baden Baden is known as a hideaway for wealthy Europeans. How my decidedly working-class Pittsburgh/New York City personality will fit in remains to be seen. I'll shut up and play and hope for the best.

This wonderful (and short) video was just released by the hotel where I'll be playing-playing in Baden Baden. It gives you an idea of what the place looks like, but also captures the feeling that so many of us share right now. Let's get back to work! I confessed to being choked up at the end of it, watching all those hotel workers heading back into service. Worth a couple of minutes to take a look. Bythe way, I'll be playing outside in the garden. Also, that cat (Cleopatra) is the hotel mascot!

Baden Baden

Those folks know how-know how to DO IT! Beautiful and emotional.

Indeed! It was 😊. The world is slowly re-awakening

I really like the retro-not-quite-wireless phones!

I like the kind of imagination, humor and creativity that have such a central placement in this short work. If this is an indication of the kind of people this venue wants as customers, it should be a really fun place to stay and to work.

I haven't followed this thread since COVID hit, and it is awesome to see Robin doing well and many of the familiar names still posting.

My last post here seems to be 4 years ago, is that even possible?

I am happy to report that I actually had a gig in May, the first in a very long time, and.......it actually paid. Not well, but something.

I'm retiring later this year, maybe I'll keep up better.

Had my first gig since February 2020 about a week ago ...

But first, even before what my wife and I refer to as our "unfortunate incarceration", I had no longer been a regular poster here. I had however been aware that this thread had become moribund. Because of my absence? Who's to say?

I was happy, and taken aback, and then happy again to read Robin's return post. Happy to have her back, taken aback by the reason for her hiatus, and happy that things have gone well for John. Back when I was a regular I had my own cancer adventure. I referred to it in oblique terms on this thread, including some piano stories from the hospital lounge. People were very nice to me here, at a time when any opportunity to engage my mind with something else was especially welcome.

In what I hope will be encouraging, that was in 2010. I went for quarterly, then semi-annual, then annual checkups for five years until my doctor - to use his words - "fired my ass" six years ago. No need for any more checkups. Even the memory of it has changed; it's like watching a movie without the music. I remember what happened, but (mercifully) I can hardly call to mind what it felt like anymore, emotionally or physically. That change happened remarkably quickly.

During the COVID year I spent a lot more time recording music at home. I had been doing that before, but the absence of live gigs and somewhat increased free time - still working, but from home - have allowed me to spend more time on it. I've also been dabbling with other instruments. I told myself over thirty years ago that I'd learn bass guitar someday; I've finally gotten around to it. Bass is such fun to play; I'm having a blast. I'm really sorry I didn't start a few decades ago.

I decided to take a stab at making one of those "one-man-band" videos like all the cool kids do these days. I'd like to make another, more polished attempt - improving the lighting, camera settings, editing, synch, playing, everything really - but it's quite a lot of work to do alone. We'll see.

One Man Band Video

For any bass players who may watch, yes, I know my right hand technique is er, unusual. We'll see if I eventually attempt to make it more standard.

So back to the gig:

Oddly, it was not with my regular group, the one I've been with for 25 years. I got a call from a guy who is now with an oldies group - mostly Fifties, five singers in matching outfits - to do a gig in a club on Long Island (New York). It turned out that the group was a little more in flux than I had been made aware of. Their keyboard player was not just unavailable for that gig, he has moved to Florida. And the bass player and drummer had also disappeared somehow; former group members from several years ago had been hurriedly pressed into service. Two of the singers were gone as well. One former member had been called to replace both of them.

There were some hiccups. For my part, I had played almost all of their repertoire before, but they have an uncanny knack for choosing different keys than I'm used to, and some variations on the changes as well. There were at least two songs the bass player didn't know; I called out the chords to him as we played, in the transposed keys, naturally.

Nevertheless, it went OK. Given the pent-up demand for any kind of live entertainment, it was kind of like shooting fish in a barrel. The audience was primed to enjoy what they heard, whatever the flaws.

It's odd after so much time, but it's almost as if the lights were simply turned back on. Here in NY we apparently just hit 70% vaccination and all of a sudden I have a few gigs a month with two bands. My own group does our first gig this Monday evening. Two of our guys have health problems, so besides being rusty, we'll be working with subs on drums and guitar. Yet another musical adventure, but the subs are people we've used on and off for years so they shouldn't be any worse than the rest of us.

I hope everyone has come through OK and I'll try to visit from time to time. With gigs coming up, surely enough things will go awry to generate a story or two.

Oh, this is so encouraging—we're getting back to work! Baby steps, but still.

Greg, so happy to hear from you. Thanks for your encouraging words regarding my husband's health situation. It's a roller coaster ride, for sure, but we celebrate every day we have together and try not to give the disease more time than it has already taken from us. Life offers so much more—music, for instance!

Your gig sounded somewhat harrowing, Greg, but hey, you nailed it! I do think audiences and our fellow musicians are more forgiving than they were pre-pandemic. I like to think they missed us. And bravo on the one man band thing. That sounds BEAUTIFUL!! You can be the Jacob Collier of the "Let's Talk Weddings" thread.

Way to go, Tim—you're also playing again.

I played my first gig last night. I felt a little, uh, shaky. It wasn't a background gig, but an evening of mini-concerts (four 30-minute sets) that were part of a royal dinner hosted by a German television star who bills himself as the "royal expert." I know it sounds funny, but this guy is fabulous—he approaches his material with the appropriate sense of irony.

It took a few sets to hit my zone—before that I felt "outside" of myself. I'm guessing most of you know that feeling.

The highlight of the evening, right after my sensitive arrangement of "Somewhere in Time," was a royal argument that broke out in the audience about Camilla and Dianna, and whether Camilla deserves to be queen. Oy. No fisticuffs, but spirited debate. I was happy to be behind the Steinway.

Tomorrow is my book launch concert in front of a live audience. That should be pretty intense considering my recent seven-month hiatus, but I intend to enjoy every minute of it, assuming I can still fit into my Piano Girl party frock. If I'm wearing a black potato sack you'll know what happened.

The event (one hour long) will be live streamed, so feel free to tune in.

Piano Girl Playbook Book Launch Concert

Monday, June 21, 2021
7 p.m. ECT (Berlin)
1 p.m Eastern (New York)

I believe Amerika Haus will archive the event, so you can always watch later.

Wish me luck!

So. The launch concert went well. The audience was generous with laughter, helped by the handful of American ringers I had in the front row (no, I didn't pay them).

It's never easy doing an English language comedy program in front of a German audience, but honestly, I think everyone was so happy to be attending a live performance—maybe language didn't matter.

Note: Looking out at an audience wearing masks feels like performing for a bunch of robbers.

My dress fit. Whew.

The link in the previous post works for the archived stream, so check it out if you have a chance.

Now wait - does this mean I should cancel my book order? I mean, I just got the audiobook version from the author herself! Lots of fun there, Robin - nice piano music, too!