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But I'm still here!

Some have surely noticed that I wasn't around in the past months. My piano wasn't completely silent during that period, but I noticed a big drop in motivation from August to today. It is hard to explain why. I have some hypothesis, but no certainties :

- My job being demanding, I'm very tired. Practicing often looks like something too demanding for what is left of my capacity to focus.
- I might getting in the learning phase were you tend to be more and more aware of what is wrong with your playing, without being able to fix it, causing more frustration. I've heard that people getting to that stage often quit - which I don't think I'll do, be reassured.
- I have other hobbies that take part of my time, leaving less for the piano.

My teacher is also telling me that I'm onto repertoire that is a signifiant step harder than last year's (even though it is "only" one level harder, on an exam perspective).

So I'll probably have to review my objectives for the year 2018-2019. I won't be able, most probably, to go for my exams in May/June (last year, at the same period, I had three pieces that were pretty solid, one that was slowly coming by, and still one to completely learn. This year, I have a piece that is decent, two pieces that I've somewhat learnt the first half or so, and two pieces to learn completely, that I haven't started at all... well, I could recycle my Mozart K545, 1st movement instead of learning the Beethoven's I was supposed to). I don't want to stress myself with that, that was never the intention with the exams. But I'm still disappointed. I would like to return to my former motivation and dedication. I'm hoping that being off work for 2 weeks will have helped me recover enough to get back to the piano more intensively this winter.

I'm kind of hesitating concerning exams, because the ones I'm taking only takes place once a year. So if I don't do it this year, I have to postpone for a whole year. I probably won't be interested in maintaining the same 5-pieces repertoire for 2 years. I could split up the exam on two years, but the problem will be relatively the same (I would have to present 2 pieces + 1 etude or 2 pieces + the technical requirements this year, and the other part the second year, so still 5-piece repertoire over 2 years). Not to mention I haven't started practicing an etude yet and my scales, arpeggios and exercices are not ready at all (ok, ok, I still have 5 months to learn them). One middle ground could be to keep some of my repertoire for an exam next year and get something fresh to replace some of it.

I could also simply forget the exams, but it has been something very positive for me last year. It really gave a meaning to my practice, in a way. I had a tangible goal. I had to be thorough, and it was great for me. No shortcut or thinking "meh, it sounds good anyway!" And it forced myself to embrace every aspects of the musicianship, whereas I know I wouldn't be as motivated to embrace it without the challenge of the exam (all the ear training and sight singing stuff). So that's not an idea I really like.

I've asked my teacher before starting the fall semester if he thought exams were the best way (I wanted him to be confortable to go another way if he judged it was the best way, like going back a bit onto easier repertoire to work on my weaknesses) and he said yes. So that's not the issue. When I talked a bit about that with him somewhere in December, he was still convinced I could manage to be ready for the exams this Spring (I could have one more month compared to last year, since I took the first available date last year, in the first weekend of May. I doubt that will be enough though). Maybe I could be, but with a lesser mastery over my pieces than last year, which would then result in lower score (which might not be that bad. I had an average of 9/10 on my pieces last year). Will that disappoint me? I'm not sure.
Then I might hold back on exams for a year.

I a bit confused about what I should do.
My practice time went from 8-12 hours a week to 2-4 hours, so, in comparison, my progress is ridiculously slow and discouraging, which feeds the lack of motivation, in a vicious circle.

I know ups and downs are part of the process, so I try not get to concerned about that, which is a little bit hard to do though. I try to keep going to my piano regularly, but I really hope the spark will come back! It's really lacking recently...

I still take some recordings once in a while to measure my progress. So there still some, but god that it feels slow and I know it is because I'm practicing way less than before! *sight*

I'm not really hoping anything by posting that here, but it is kind of a relief to share that with people that will probably understand what I'm going through, because it is not the kind of things my friends and family quite get, sadly. So just thank you to be here!

Great to see you! I was afraid you'd quit as you sounded already demotivated the last time you dropped by. Happy to hear you are sticking with it.


Would it be possible to cross-over to the Royal Conservatory of Music (RCM) exams instead of the école préparatoire Anna Marie Globensky exams? Wouldn't RCM be given more often? I don't know if they are as popular in Quebec or just the anglophone parts of Canada or if your teacher would be prepared to work with you on RCM exams.

I might, but RCM are way more expensive (like 4 times more) and the technical requirements, ear training, etc. are not the same, so I'd have to practice other things. Also, pieces are not ranked the same, so I'm not sure I could play what I'm practicing right now for a level 8. So that's not really an option in my mind. I'd like to stick with the École préparatoire. More convenient (I don't have to hit the road for 3 hours to get to my exam), cheaper (like 75$ for both theory and practice; not to mention saving a trip to Montreal) and I have practiced what is in that syllabus requirements.

An option that I haven't listed but that is possible is to do a formative evaluation (so having an "exam" without doing a particular level and without getting a grade. Simply comments and critics on how to improve). That still would postpone my level 8 for a year, so it doesn't really solve the problem.


Piano has bring me too much to abandon so quickly!
I'm still thinking I'm in a bad "phase" but that it is temporary. I hope so.

This was my situation when I decided to buy a piano, and start learning how to play. Not such a good idea. Now I am at home with a burn-out that seems to never go away.
So my advice is to take this very seriously. Maybe what you need when you come home from work is not to practise the piano, but to do yoga. Or take a bath. Or watch television. Or just stare out of the window. Maybe your lack of motivation is a way of your body-mind to tell you it is overloaded and you need to rest and recover. (Most people get a burn-out not because they work too hard, but because they don't rest and recover after having worked so hard.)

And maybe you can play the piano just play for fun and for relaxation and not try to pass an exam.

My five cents. Good luck, whatever you decide CadenzaVvi!

I for one, am very happy to see you posting again. I missed your posts.

Wow. That's a big difference indeed. Although exams are things you only take once, ever (or at least that is the goal!)


Which pieces you are hoping to play for your grade 8 exam and have you already been working on all of them? Is it all 4 of the Rameau, Beethoven, Chopin, and Debussy on your PW profile page? Because if so, Beethoven Sonatina in G Minor, op. 49, no. 1 is indeed RCM Grade 8 List B as is K545, but Chopin Nocturne in C sharp Minor, op. posth., B 49 is RCM Grade 9 List C and Debussy Golliwogg’s Cake-Walk (no. 6) is Grade 9 List D. If you were to do RCM instead this year, it looks like you could keep two of your pieces for Grade 8 (either Beethoven or K545 for List C, and one of either the Chopin or Debussy (since you are allowed one piece from next higher level) or shoot for a Grade 9 exam with Chopin and Debussy and go with new new List A and B pieces. Before you rule out either of these options entirely, you might want to just take a peek at the RCM syllabus here as you might find that the technical requirements overlap.


I just took a look, and I was shocked to see that while Ontario has dozens of RCM exam locations, Quebec only has two locations! Apparently, I might have been more right with my earlier Anglophone quip than I realized, because I don't know how to explain this difference otherwise, except to observe there might actually be an active bias against the RCM exams in Quebec (or that, like you, Québécois that do piano exams just largely prefer your école préparatoire Anna Marie Globensky exams).


I'm with Animisha on observing that your physical/mental/emotional health should come first over piano and should not be ignored. If your present and ongoing malaise indeed suggests a broader health issue, then addressing that probably is more important than the long-term consequences of skipping a year for your Grade 8 exam. Consider that if you had started piano a year earlier, you might have been considering the year 8 exam last year. If you had started a year later, it wouldn't have been until next year. None of this will have global consequences, neither to you nor your family, while not fixing health issues might. I can say this as my wife has been suffering from a diagnosed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that has drained her of her energy and has been difficult to treat. If you are worried about losing motivation/momentum from postponing the Grade 8 exam, then you may want to come up with interim goals for piano that have nothing to do with the exam. Are there specific stretch pieces not on the exam list which you've thought you might like to learn, but were waiting for all the exams over with to take on? Other goals? Taking on the ABF 40 piece a year challenge? Play at some recitals your teacher organizes (assuming like most teachers, your teacher has studio recitals)? Other challenges arising from within?


Pushing out your grade 8 exam should not be considered equivalent to abandoning piano altogether. You have too closely associate piano grade level exams with playing piano itself. That itself is probably not healthy because after all the exams are over, you might feel at a loss when there are no longer concrete goals to aim for. Best to wean yourself from this particular motivation and urge now. Not to say "ditch the exams," but become less motivated by exams, because at grade 8, you don't have many more to go before you are "on your own" as they say!


Hang in there! I meant it when I wrote a few months ago that I found your Youtube channel inspirational to my earlier progress, because you zipped along so quickly at the beginning, and I am especially amazed at how quickly you approached Petzold's Minuet in G Major only 5 days into your personal piano journey

Maybe these two goes together. I know that the École préparatoire gives exams all over the province. A judge from the École préparatoire of the correct instrument will go to teacher’s studios to pass their students exams. There is a minimum requirement of a number of students for the judge to go there, but that’s it. I think it is more convenient than having to go to a specific place to pass the exam, plus the price. Heck, when I looked at RCM, itw as $120 for the theory and $150 for the instrument (or so). Last year, I paid $20 for theory and $60 for instrument. Anybody given that choice would probably choose the latter. Plus, the École préparatoire syllabus is recognized by the Education office of Quebec government so high school students can have credits at school for passing their exams.
On the other hand, people can decide to pass RCM exams on their own, as you need to go through an affiliated teacher to pass the École préparatoire's one (the affiliation is free though, but there are some requirements regarding diplomas).


I have practiced the Rameau, the Chopin and the Debussy (in that order of mastery of each). And the Mozart would be the most advanced, since I’ve played it at the Summer recital in here, as you can hear if you go back to the pieces from that recital.


That last sentence was simply an answer to your first post saying you were afraid I would quit. I’m not considering that ditching exams = quitting piano.
The question of exams is on my mind right now mostly because the subscription must be made before the end of the month, so I have to decide on that matter in the next 2 weeks or so.
As for pieces, I think my actual pieces are already stretch pieces, at least for the Chopin and the Debussy. I have a few pieces of similar difficulty that I would be interested in learning, but I’m always open to a lot of things, so finding pieces to learn is never really an issue. I must say though that the Chopin and the Debussy I’ve chosen for that exam are two pieces that I love and I’d really like to keep those for an exam, should there be one.
As for fatigue, I guess you are right. I’m taking this problem very seriously. There is nothing abnormal physically (I’ve checked that with my physician), so our best guess is stress. And I’ve realized during my vacation that I’m way more stressed than I’m conscious of when I’m at work, so that’s a plausible explanation. I’ve started seeing a psychologist to address that, but those things take time. So we’ll see in a few weeks/months if this leads to some improvements.
Oh, and no, my teacher doesn’t give any recital. He finished is Master degree last year and he is still giving me lessons at the conservatory. He is not affiliated with any music school (afaik) and I don’t know if he has any other students. In fact, this is one of the reason I hopped into exams in the first place: having an opportunity to play for other people than my teacher and my family and friends. Even though it is only one judge.
As for levels interrupting soonish, I already have some plans for the after-exams. Well, in fact, I have 3 ideas in mind: doing formative evaluations with the École préparatoire; finding competitions open to adult amateurs (I sincerely hope this exists, but we will see when my level 11 will be behind me); taking lessons in a music school with recitals taking place like twice a year or joining recitals in a music school that would allow me to play.
But we are talking of something that will occur in 2023 or later, which is more years than the time I’ve spent on the piano, so I’m really not concerned about that right now. I simply have already thought that through a bit, but I’ll see when I’ll get there!


Well, it is clearly a matter of having done some music in the past. I couldn’t have learnt that minuet so fast otherwise.
In some ways though, I went too fast at first. That’s a thing I explain in one of my video (but it’s in French, so…). If I summarize what I was saying in here – which is a video in which I explain where I come from, music-wise, and how I approached piano at first – I had a prior experience of music as a clarinet and sax player in high school when I started the piano. The choice of getting a teacher was obvious to me – and I suggest that anyone that can have one do so if they are beginners or intermediates. I don’t recommend though that beginners follow my steps. My first teacher really pushed me too fast into hard repertoire and I’m sure that it wasn’t the best way to learn. It led to some frustrations (it took loads of time, practice and efforts to manage to get something somewhat okay from a piece and I could never polish them because there were too much of a stretch. Heck, Rachmaninoff’s prelude in C# minor at 9 months of piano playing…). And I know that my teacher had good intentions. I discussed with him later, and he told me he was afraid I would be bored with too easy pieces. Which led to one of my advice in that video: if you have a teacher, tell him/her what your goals are. This is very important and I only done that last Fall with my current teacher, and never done that in the past. I should. I would probably avoided that weird beginning tackling with hard repertoire in my first year of piano, which led to some bad habits, when one of the reason to take lessons was precisely to avoid – as much as possible – to get bad habits.

Well, I must say "your" Discord did the trick tonight. Connecting to a practice room, then practice. Just knowing someone can pass by at any time kind of forces you to be more intelligent in your practice and maybe to stay there a little bit longer. It mimics, in a way, playing at the conservatory, with people that could pass by your door at any time. I like that.

It's a little sad that I can't hear myself out, though, so I can configure my mic. I'm not sure the sound was nice.

I bet there is a way to set things up so you can hear yourself. For example, I am wondering if there is a Discord app for smartphone or tablet? You might ask others on Discord pinano channel about this. For example, you might ask NPhardness who is a PW member. She has a Discord channel.

BTW, the next step might be to plan for one of the biweekly recitals of the pinano channel. It might be motivating to focus on a short term goal (shorter term than an exam).

There is, I was just in a couple of practice rooms listening ...

OK I somehow missed the Discord connection. There are practice rooms on Discord? How does that work?

Well, in this case, then CadenzaVvi can connect her piano through her PC and set up a tablet/smartphone to connect in, perhaps using another dummy/test login, and listen to herself through some headphones to tune her mic.

I'm going to probably start practicing in the Discord practice rooms myself a bit later this month after things quiet down in my life. I think it will help with my performance anxiety to have people able to drop in and listen at any time. Eventually, I assume I will stop thinking about it.

Let me post a new thread on ABF about this.

I just made a separate post about practicing in a Discord Pinano virtual practice room.

Concerning fatigue due to your day job:

This may be a useless suggestion, or it may be useful, but consider getting up early to practice before going to work. That way you will practice before getting fatigued. The flip side is of course that you may be more fatigued after work.

Another possibility is to supplement your way to less fatigue after work. There are many options in this regard. Adaptogens (herbs of almost magical utility, the most famous of which is probably Ginseng) are well suited to increase energy, and reduce stress. Personally, this month I am experimenting with Piracetam, taking 1,5 g per day. So far it has increased my practice discipline to a surprisingly large extent.

On a similar note, we had toyed with the idea of an online piano partya while back, but it never happened. Interested in revitalizing it?

We could. Might be easier to do on something like on a Discord server even if not on the Pinano Server, or on other voice chat systems like Team Speak and Ventrilo. We could simply make a PW Server on Discord. As usual, there are free options and paid options... Years ago, I set up TeamSpeak and Ventrilo servers for an online gaming group. Doing this is pretty easy.

@Jouishy La Pianiste, I have to wonder if backing down the pace and expectations might help. I have learned to enjoy the journey rather than viewing the endpoint of a certain grade level. Getting through grade 8 exams in 2 years is like the surgeon who does the 10 minute scrub in 2 minutes. (Forgive me I use this one a lot). There's no way to do it without cutting corners, and maybe the corner you're cutting is the having fun corner.

While I think exams are admirable and it's really cool you're going that route, learning with a goal of passing a high level exam can take over, possibly take the fun out of it. What's the rush? Why not learn just for the fun of learning? Take your time! Take the exams when you're good and ready. Especially when you're so young, have so much time ahead of you, and have so many other competing interests.

Take a look at that thread.....zoom really works nicely. Wanted to give it a try one day.

Can you enjoy your music without goals and progress? If not, that is the problem. You are enjoying the act of achieving some goal and not the music. It is actually may be more difficult to learn to enjoy one's own creations than achieving some goal but it well worth doing. Just playing pieces and taking exams at the end may just become repetitive, boring, and without meaning. That is why most people end up quitting music lessons.