Started great....introduced my piece, sat calmly at the piano..breathed.. focused and began to play... pretty well I think.
Then about 2/3 (I'm not even quite sure of the spot) the way through this 3 minute piece I fumbled... and fumbled..... and fumbled... I completely lost focus. All the coaching from my wonderful instructor all week was nowhere to be found anywhere in my brain at that moment.
My teacher even tried to come to my rescue by suggesting I try again later......Get up again?? I said...not likely....so on I went...
Did I skip over and go on..... We ALL know that that's the correct thing to do. No....I backed up!!! really!! can you believe it!!! of course I stumbled again and after another feeble attempt I stated that I would save everyone the pain and perhaps try again later...which of course I did not.
So I figure now that I failed so miserably there's no where to go but up...???
The folks at Summer Keys are amazingly supportive and during intermission and at the party afterwards there were many words of encouragement and compliments about the part I did manage to play. Of course what else would they say....
I did learn a few things that I might not say to someone in this position... Of course all of these people were so very sweet and well-intentioned. It was kind of them to say anything at all. These are just notes for if I'm ever in the position to talk to someone after a failed performance.
I don't think I'd say....."I'm so terribly sorry.", "You need a hug.", ..."I feel so bad for you.".....or......"When you fumble like that, just go on"....(that's like telling a smoker that they shouldn't smoke)
Do say...."That was a beautiful piece, I really enjoyed what I heard" That was perhaps the best comment.
One guy said.. "That was wonderful, please try it again I'd love to hear the rest".. he was sweet....and an amazing cellist.
Do say...."Isn't it terrible when your mind goes blank like that?" Don't worry it happens to everyone at some point."
...and of couse comments from my teacher about the tone and clarity of what I did play meant a lot to me.
One fellow pianist suggested I try playing with my feet...he was actually very kind and funny ...that was ok too..
I do have to say though, that after sleeping on it, I'm quite deflated today.... a lot of questions going through my mind. Why am I doing this? (maybe I should take up knitting) Do I really need to perform? Am I really going to attempt to do grade 6 exams next spring? Will I come again next year and if I do will I perform? probably not. I'll call my teacher tomorrow and arrange an 'inspirational' lesson. I may have to take a break....or take up cello!!!
Here's how it sounded at one of my practice sessions that I taped.....not perfect but at least it's all there.... http://www.box.net/shared/3d8hi9rnvn
It's slow and not a difficult piece...I really should have been able to get through it...grrrrr....
If you made it this far through my ramblings...thanks for "listening."
Sandy - beating herself up a little more before moving on.....