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I have a question regarding registering for exams. This happened between me and my teacher a number of years ago, and we have since been trying to re-establish our relationship recently. I am too emotionally involved in the situation to make a clear call, so I'm looking for advice.

I took lessons from her for my grade 10 RCM exam.

We registered for a June grade 10 exam back in January/February (or whenever it was that you were allowed to register).

I continued lessons with her after that until about March-ish. (These are all approximate dates as this was over 5 years ago and I don't remember exact ones!).

Due to small conflicts arising and my general frustration with her (and due to miscommunications!), I quit lessons and went to finish preparing for the exam on my own.

A couple weeks later, I played a couple pieces for my theory teacher to ask her a few questions. Due to her feedback, I quickly realized there was so much that I never knew and asked her to teach me for the last bit until my exam. (She was the first teacher that ever got the concept of playing musically through to my head and completely changed the way I viewed playing music forever).

I took lessons for her for 1.5 - 2 months (again, I don't remember exactly), but we did two 2-hour lessons a week instead of just one 2-hour lesson a week like I had been doing with my previous teacher, so we covered a lot of ground.

Because I felt like my first teacher was worried that I would fail the exam while registered for it under her name, I was feeling hurt because I was really trying my best. So, I did not contact her about this as I had terminated lessons already.

I also removed her name from my exam and put my new teacher's name/number on it for two reasons. 1. I was hurt. 2. I felt like the interpretation of my pieces was best represented by my new teacher and the drastic changes she made in my playing.

I won a trophy/scholarship ($100 :P) / recognition when I got the top grade 10 marks in our district. So, then, of course, my old teacher found out about the exam not being under her number, as when she called the RCM office to see what I got (she didn't call me as we weren't really speaking), they told her they could not release that information since the exam was under a different teacher's number.

5 years go by. I try to contact her lots and explain, but she does not acknowledge me because I hurt her too much. I apologize to her finally for not coming to her and communicating with her, and we begin to mend the relationship. The exam "situation" is crucial to us mending this.

I told her that back then I was going to put NO ONE'S name on the exam because I was hurt. But then I wanted a shot at the scholarship, etc., so I put my new teacher's number on it.

She pointed out that she did the majority of the work for that exam and that wasn't fair.

I agreed and called the RCM offices and removed my second teacher's number (Don't worry, second teacher doesn't care about any of this so she is okay with whatever I do).

I told my original teacher that I had done this because I wanted to be fair to everyone who contributed to my exam and not give anyone's credit to anyone else. She says that she really believes that her number should be back on there (you can only have one teacher on there or I would have put both teacher names/numbers on there).

She also said she had a contract that I signed (she is currently looking for it, but probably doesn't still have it, and I don't remember it at all) that said that I was her student for the full 10-month semester. And on that basis, I was still her student even after I quit lessons and hired another teacher. (I did pay my original teacher for ALL lessons in those 10 months, so it's not a financial issue).

Anyways, like I said, I'm too emotionally involved in the issue to make a clear decision. I would like to leave the number off all teacher's numbers. (P.S. It's not anything to do with recognition anymore and both me and my original teacher agree about that. It's purely a matter of doing the "right" thing.).

Thoughts? I'm fairly certain that even if the contract could be found, it could be interpreted both ways depending on who was reading it as it probably does not address exam registrations, etc. since this "issue" was the first one of its kind that she has ever encountered.

So, all that aside. As music teachers, what do you think? Leave the number on no one's exam or put it back on the original teacher's number since second teacher doesn't care either way? Both teachers contributed HUGELY to that exam. But right now, it's just more of a matter of studio policy principle that we are trying to work out.

Thanks!

I think you should get a boyfriend, and give away most of your cats.

I've been married for some time now and I hate cats, but thanks for the advice? lol... Any serious advise out there about switching a teacher registration number after an exam has been registered for?

(P.S. I am SO aware of how crazy all this sounds and I would like nothing more than to drop the whole thing, but it's important to me to make this right if it needs to be made right).

Your concern about doing the right thing is commendable. I'm going to send you a PM with the rest of my thoughts.

There's no Great Principle Of Natural Justice involved here. If you believe in a God, he doesn't care. There isn't even anything you can get sued over. "Right" is whatever makes most people happy. Teacher 1 wants to be on the certificate. Teacher 2 doesn't care. Work it out.

I think the statue of limitations has run out on this situation. You apologized, and took the other teacher's number off the exam. Add the first teacher's number on it and move on with your life.

Is there a reason you are trying to re-establish contact? And if this is something you really want to do - is this not something you can talk out and acknowledge that this is in the past and it was a messy situation and mistakes were made WITHOUT having to try to undo history?

There is no real right or wrong here... this is the result of two people getting into a messy relationship and neither of you stepping in to try to resolve it at the time.

I don't think you'll be able to fix things just by changing who gets credit for a five year old scholarship.

Thanks for all your input, everyone. I'm putting the exam back on her number, and whether that makes her happy finally or not, it's really all I can do to show that I'm sincere about wanting to patch things up.

@LimeFriday - As far as your question goes regarding the reason for wanting to re-establish contact, I want to do so because I didn't like the way things were left off with us 5 years ago. We were really close before all this happened and I care about her deeply despite our differences. If too much damage has been done, and like you said, this won't fix anything, well, then that makes me very sad, but at least I can know that I truly did all I could to make it right.

FWIW, I think you're handling this the best way you could. It's obvious to me that you really care about her, and want to do the right thing. I have respect for you wanting to handle things amicably and with integrity. I have similar morals and standards for myself.

That said, you can't control how anyone else reacts to the situation but you. If she refuses to see your attempts at making things right and still refuses to reconcile, then I believe it's her issue, as it really seems like, from what you've said, you've done everything in your power that you could do to resolve what happened. It's at the point where it is in her hands, and whether or not she wants to hang on to the negativity that holding this long term grudge brings into her life.

And now for your own therapy, view the film Madame Sousatzka.

Oh yeah? I'll look into it

P.S. Phone call made. We are friends now.

Congratulations Twinklefingers! I know what a relief that can be.

Twinkle,
Great story-telling.. You should write a book! I don't think one can make this stuff up..