Piano World Home Page Forums Fun Stuff! - Parties, Tours, Projects & More... Just For The Fun of It Tell a joke...(stupid one preferrably) Come on guys - hit it!

Adam was talking with God one day.
Adam said: "God, why did you make woman so soft and sweet?"
God said: "So you'd like her."
Adam said: "God why did you make woman so shapely and sexy?"
God said: "So you would like her."
Adam said: "God....Why did you make woman so stupid?"
God said: "Oh Adam...That's an easy one!... That's so she would like you!"

In reference books where space is
at a premium, Franz Liszt is described
as a "Hung. pianist and composer." I've
read several of his biographies and
this was never mentioned in them.

That's quite good!

How many customs officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, it's kind of hrd to change a lightbulb when you are administering an internal search.

...... sorry

Colon detox

A slice of bacon and a sausage are thrown together in a frying pan.

The sausage says: "hhmm, it's hot here, huh?"

The slice of bacon says: "aaarrggghhh!!!!! A talking sausage!!""

Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

A1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

A2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

A3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

A4. Rottweiler: Make me.

A5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

A6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

A7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

A8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

A9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

A10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

A11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

A12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

A13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster...

A15. Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

The rookie French Foreign Legion officer was being given a tour of the desert camp by one of his men. During the tour, the officer asks:

"with these long stretches in the desert, what do the men do when they need some, um, sexual relief?"

The soldier replied:

"well sir, the enlisted men are left to take matters into their own hands, so to speak. However, the officers have Betsy the camel over there"

The officer nodded and the tour resumed. Several weeks went by. One night the soldiers were awoken by a very strange loud noise. They ran outside and realized the noise was coming from where Betsy the camel was kept. When they got there they found the officer "engaged" with Betsy. Seeing all the men staring at him he stopped and exclaimed:

"I thought you said that the officers used Betsy when they needed sexual relief?"

The solider who gave him the tour replied:

"Yes they do, but usually they just get on her and ride into town to visit the brothel!"

OK, you did specify stupid jokes. I've always thought that this one was right up there in the endearingly dumb stakes..


Q: What is brown and sticky?
.
.
.
.
. Give up yet?
.
.
.
. Tough heh?...
.
.
. It's...
.
.
.
A: A stick.

A pastor was giving a "heck & brimstone" sermon when all of a sudden the Devil materialized out of nowhere in a large fiery explosion behind him. The pastor turned around, took one quick look, screamed and went running like a madman right out of the church.

The congregation didn't waste any time getting out of the church either, yelling and pushing and shoving each other thru the narrow doorway.

In a flash the church was empty - except for one old guy up front, who just sat there not paying much attention at all and totally unconcerned.

The Devil ran up to him and jumped all around him making all sorts of fearsome noises and threatening the old guy with the full force of his awesome powers. But the old guy just sat there nonchalantly - practically ignoring the devil.

Finally, worn out and completely frustrated in his attempts to frighten the old guy the Devil said:
"Hey buddy - don't you know I'm the Devil?" "Aren't you afraid of me?"

The old guy just casually looked up with his listless eyes and said: "heck no. Why should I be afraid of you? I've been married to your damn sister for 50 years."

A 10 inch high wishing well visits his Doctors and says:

"Doctor, Doctor I'm not a tall well"

Did ya hear that the local police found a hole in the fence of the nudist colony?

Their looking into it...

Then when they got back to the precinct, they discovered that someone had taken their commode...

they've got nothing to go on...

Ole and Lena are making love, and tings yust aren’t going too well for Ole. Lena, concerned for her poor husband sugyests that Ole see a doctor. Ole complies, and the good doctor sugyests that Ole’s problem stems from his lack of exercise. “Ole, you need to get some exercise for crying out loud. I want you to walk a mile every day for a week and call me and let me know how things are going.” Ole reluctantly agrees.

After a week of diligent exercise, Ole does as the doctor instructed and calls to check in. “Doctor, I did what you tole me to doo, now what?” The doctor queries Ole – “Well, Ole, how are things going in the bedroom now that you are getting in better shape?” To which Ole, in disgust replies “How da heck vood I know! I’m seven miles frum home!!”

How about these unanswerable Dear Abby letters?

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,

What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Foul Language and Violence On My VCR?

Dear Abby,

I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby,

I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,

I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,

My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,

My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,

You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:


HEBREWS

My small contribution, perhaps well known to all:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world who understand binary numbering: Those who do and those who don't.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

Ok, so I teach elementary school...

Another oldie but goodie:

A bear and a rabbit are going poopoo in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says:

"Excuse me Mr. Rabbit, but do you have problems with poo sticking to your fur"?

The rabbit replies:

"Why no, I don't."

So the bear then wipes his bottom with the rabbit.