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#871991 - 01/10/05 01:02 PM " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 645
virtuoso418 Offline
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virtuoso418  Offline
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Have you ever had your girlfriend/wife/mate ,during your relationship, feel uncomfortable or unhappy with her weight? If so, how do you feel and react to this?

DO you react more to the more jealous end: "Oh, she's not happy with me and she wants to look more attractive to other people, thats why she wants to lose weight"

or

"She probably has a low self esteem and probably wants to lose weight to gain more self esteem for herself"

But does your mate really have to concern herself about her looks when she has someone who loves her and accepts her for who she is? Or is it still a self esteem problem?

Piano & Music Accessories
#871992 - 01/10/05 01:43 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Feb 2003
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Cindysphinx Offline
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 6,416
Washington D.C. Metro
Oh, Virtuoso . . .

You're onto part of the problem, but I'm not sure you've really hid the target dead-on.

I had a period of time where I was steadily putting on way too much weight. It made me miserable. I don't think it was "low self-esteem," necessarily. For me, I knew I was a good person and quite capable and all, but the weight was a constant reminder of one area in which I was failing, day in and day out.

Regarding your suggestion that the weight shouldn't be an issue if she has someone who loves her . . . the woman who says she feels fat would probably feel that way whether she were in a relationship or not. It's very hard to be a heavy woman. Nothing fits. You don't feel very energetic. Media images confirm that only one physique is acceptable on women. You *want* to wear sexy, youthful clothing. It's really, really difficult.

I think the best way to react is not to bring the subject up. If she brings it up, rather than offer up lots of commentary, just invite her to for a walk, play tennis, ride bikes, get active.

When she's really ready to lose the weight, she will.

Cindy -- whose self-image would plummet each spring when it was time to find a swimsuit, and who thinks flourescent lighting in swimsuit dressing rooms should be illegal

#871993 - 01/10/05 02:06 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,703
EHpianist Offline
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EHpianist  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2003
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NY-Madrid-Newfoundland (rhymes...
The perfect response:

"You aways look beautiful to me."

In general women tend to ask when they feel they really *are* gaining a few pounds. We tend to notice the slightest change in our bodies, sometimes before it is obvious to anyone else, so we wonder if it is noticeable yet.

I find that if I'm in my ideal weight I never ask. Only when I start putting on a few.

Elena
http://www.pianofourhands.com


Schnabel's advie to Horowitz: "When a piece gets difficult, make faces."
#871994 - 01/10/05 02:19 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
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Freedom Offline
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Freedom  Offline
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Scotland
My sister says it alllllll the time. :rolleyes: I usually say something like, "you look perfectly fine" or "I don't think so." I try to stay away from the 'I don't think so' response as it can sometimes result in her going in a mood, so I usually say that she looks fine to me. smile And she really isn't fat at all. smile

Freedom laugh


"A print of the score has everything you need to know about the music, except the essential."
#871995 - 01/10/05 03:00 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Mar 2003
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Luke's Dad Offline
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Luke's Dad  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2003
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Mid Atlantic
Quote
Originally posted by EHpianist:
The perfect response:

"You aways look beautiful to me."
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT Wrong answer! Oh, it works well enough the first time or two, but then she'll catch on and it will put you in a worse position. I find that ignoring the question works several times, after that, developing imaginatory disasters to change the subject. You will reach a point, however, when imaginatory disasters don't work either, at which point you'll have to do little things like set fire to the kitchen or "accidentally" cut yourself with a pair of scissors to save yourself. Sure, it's painful and the stitches get itchy, but it's still a blessing compared to the other options.

Seriously, though, my wife does have some esteem issues, and I've been on the receiving end of these no win questions. And they are no-win. If you answer no, she'll get upset and accuse you of lying, and if you answer yes....... well, let's just hope you have a comfy sofa. What I have found to work is taking the offensive. If we're preparing to go out, I complement her before she can ask. If she's lounging in sweats, I'll ask if she was just working out because she looks trimmer and has that healthy glow to her. This helps keep her esteem from reaching the point of needing reinforcement.


Purveyor of Yamaha, Petrof, Pearl River, and Kohler & Campbell pianos.
#871996 - 01/10/05 03:07 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 299
Chris Aher Offline
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Chris Aher  Offline
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 299
Brookfield CT
Ah, the notorious "Fat" question.

The only time in more that two decades of marriage that I've gotten one up on my extremely smart and decidedly NOT fat wife went like this:

Her: "Do I look fat?"

Me "Do I look Stupid?"

wink :rolleyes: wink


regards,
Chris
#871997 - 01/10/05 03:12 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Sep 2004
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NAK Offline
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NAK  Offline
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Canada

#871998 - 01/10/05 03:24 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Dec 2004
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Siddhartha Offline
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Siddhartha  Offline
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Cleveland, Ohio
What's worked for me on occasion:

she: do I look fat?
me: oh my gawd, you're enormous! what the heck happened?

in a tone to indicate playfulness, and refusal to get engaged in a realistic dialogue on the silly matter. The delivery is crucial to its effectiveness.

(warning: doesnt always work)


I was born the year Glenn Gould stop playing concerts. Coincidence?
#871999 - 01/10/05 03:25 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Apr 2003
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EHpianist Offline
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EHpianist  Offline
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NY-Madrid-Newfoundland (rhymes...
Luke's Dad, you are a wise man indeed!

Oh I know the phrase is just a way for him to get out of answering, but I like to hear it anyway.

I'm easy to please. smile

Elena
http://www.pianofourhands.com


Schnabel's advie to Horowitz: "When a piece gets difficult, make faces."
#872000 - 01/10/05 03:28 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,171
markjpcs Offline
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,171
Wisconsin
Sid!

[Linked Image]

#872001 - 01/10/05 03:39 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,426
Luke's Dad Offline
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Luke's Dad  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2003
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Mid Atlantic
Reminds me of the old joke:

She: "Do these pants make me look fat?"

He: "No, it's your a** that makes you look fat!"


Purveyor of Yamaha, Petrof, Pearl River, and Kohler & Campbell pianos.
#872002 - 01/10/05 04:00 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 460
markallen Offline
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markallen  Offline
Full Member

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 460
Stanwood, WA
Typical at my house:

Honey, do I look fat?

No dearest, you look great for someone your age!! laugh


Mark

New sig line in the works....
#872003 - 01/10/05 04:25 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,561
NAK Offline
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NAK  Offline
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Canada

#872004 - 01/10/05 04:35 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Dec 2004
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markallen Offline
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markallen  Offline
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Stanwood, WA
laugh laugh laugh laugh


Mark

New sig line in the works....
#872005 - 01/10/05 04:39 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 13,837
Kreisler Offline
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 13,837
Iowa City, IA
Misdirection:

"Hmm...I dunno, take your clothes off and let's have a look..."


"If we continually try to force a child to do what he is afraid to do, he will become more timid, and will use his brains and energy, not to explore the unknown, but to find ways to avoid the pressures we put on him." (John Holt)

www.pianoped.com
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#872006 - 01/10/05 04:42 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,051
kenny Offline
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kenny  Offline
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Answer:
"Honey, of course you look fat.
You ARE fat!"

Now where's my dinner?

#872007 - 01/10/05 05:54 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 74
LifeWithoutLuigi Offline
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LifeWithoutLuigi  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 74
Kah-Lee-For-Neeah
Kinda reminds me of that old line...

"You, sir, are drunk."

"Yes, madam, I am. And, you are ugly. But, in the morning, I will be sober."

I find it interesting that what a lot of women would consider their ideal weight, a lot of men would consider too skinny. I read that somewhere a few years ago, but I don't know if it's true or just a bunch of baloney.

Me, I prefer a huggable, shapely lady over a bag of sticks. Mass media, kiss my ***!

(hunkers down and waits for the arrows)


Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than, "I told you so."
#872008 - 01/10/05 06:33 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Feb 2003
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katie_dup1 Offline
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katie_dup1  Offline
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Canada
...fascinating thread smile

#872009 - 01/10/05 06:50 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Mar 2004
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Improviso Offline
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Improviso  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2004
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Quote
Originally posted by kenny:
Answer:
"Honey, of course you look fat.
You ARE fat!"

Now where's my dinner?
I'd get a live-in taste tester, if I were you. wink

#872010 - 01/10/05 08:56 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,051
kenny Offline
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kenny  Offline
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 7,051
Actually he made me dinner tonight.
It was delicious. smile

But it's only been an hour.
Don't poisons take a while? frown

#872011 - 01/10/05 09:22 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 19,862
apple* Offline
apple*  Offline


Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 19,862
Kansas
Quote
Originally posted by LifeWithoutLuigi:

Me, I prefer a huggable, shapely lady over a bag of sticks. Mass media, kiss my ***!

from what I've heard, many men do.... smile


accompanist/organist.. a non-MTNA teacher to a few

love and peace, Õun (apple in Estonian)
#872012 - 01/10/05 09:30 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,756
Keith D Kerman Online content
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Keith D Kerman  Online Content
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,756
Gaithersburg, MD (Washington D...
" Am I fat?"

" If I answer you honestly, do you promise not to sit on me?"


Keith D Kerman
PianoCraft
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#872013 - 01/10/05 09:33 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Jul 2001
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Bernard Offline
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Bernard  Offline
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North Groton, NH
Quote
If so, how do you feel and react to this?
Sincerely:
"Darling, your happiness is my happiness. ... Is there anything you want me help you with? ... Really, if you want to loose, I'll do whatever you want me to do to help. I'll be there for you. ... I love you, sweetie."


"Hunger for growth will come to you in the form of a problem." -- unknown
#872014 - 01/10/05 09:40 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 172
jasper_garcia Offline
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jasper_garcia  Offline
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Posts: 172
New York
Quote
Originally posted by Siddhartha:

Her: do I look fat?
Him: oh my gawd, you're enormous! what the heck happened?
Quote
Originally posted by Chris Aher:

Her: "Do I look fat?"

Him: "Do I look Stupid?"

wink :rolleyes: wink
LOL. I'm gonna keep these in my bag of phrases. They're hilarious, I'm willing to take the risk...


Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. [Salvador Dalí]
--------------------------------------------------------------
#872015 - 01/10/05 09:51 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,756
Keith D Kerman Online content
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Keith D Kerman  Online Content
3000 Post Club Member

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 3,756
Gaithersburg, MD (Washington D...


Keith D Kerman
PianoCraft
Rebuilding & Sales - vintage and used Steinway, Mason & Hamlin
New Steingraeber, Estonia, Baldwin
www.pianocraft.net
check out www.sitkadoc.com
www.twitter.com/pianocraft https://www.youtube.com/user/pianocraftchannel

keith@pianocraft.net 888-840-5460
#872016 - 01/11/05 10:00 AM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Apr 2004
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Jeffrey Offline
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Jeffrey  Offline
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New York
"She: "Do these pants make me look fat?"

He: "No, it's your a** that makes you look fat!"


LOL. smile

#872017 - 01/11/05 01:15 PM Re: " I'm Fat"  
Joined: Oct 2003
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virtuoso418 Offline
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virtuoso418  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 645
Quote
Originally posted by Bernard:
Quote
If so, how do you feel and react to this?
Sincerely:
"Darling, your happiness is my happiness. ... Is there anything you want me help you with? ... Really, if you want to loose, I'll do whatever you want me to do to help. I'll be there for you. ... I love you, sweetie."
Very nice.


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