Piano World Home Page Forums Restricted and Archives The Coffee Room A *really* weighty world problem, not the trivial stuff we've talked about so far....

Well, I want to know whether they are good for you, and if they are addictive.

(from the anarcho-communitarian-libertarian-pacifist of the Quakerly eco-femino-anti-capitalist health nut order)

EVERYONE knows that the lowly orange marshmallow circus peanut evolved into the yellow Easter marshmallow chick!

It's a proven fact.

Nina

Dear Derick,

I am extremely surprised that anyone over the age of 12 does not remember marshmallow circus peanuts! Given the recent content of these boards, are you sure that you should be posting here? Oh, well, you do remember dixie sticks. That does redeem you. Kinda.

Lucy :p

Nina,

Now here we go talking about evolution again!

Lucy :p :p :p

Nina said:

Thereby producing the artificial shortage of marshmallow circus peanuts during Easter. The chicks, are, of course, in great demand during Easter. CEO's being the money-grubbing, greedy, SOB's that they are, raise the price on Easter chicks and cite shortages of marshmallow as the reason (it doesn't just grow on trees you know). Supplies of marshmallow circus peanuts dwindle as they've diverted half the work-force for yellow chick production while laying off the other half (a brilliant cost-cutting move).

Soon the price of anything marshmallow goes thru the roof. This results in panic as the perception of a worldwide shortage of marshmallow hits the marketplace. The price of anything and everything marshmallow goes thru the roof. Fluffernutter, a.k.a. children's Valium, is fetching upwards of $200/jar. Women in the Piggly-Wiggly have fist-fights over the last box of Lucky Charms.

At the completion of the quarter, marshmallow executives report record profits and stock prices SOAR. Shareholders kiss the feet of the brilliant CEO's who steered the company thru the period of economic uncertainity during the marshmallow crisis and saved it from bankruptcy. The CEO's are rewarded with record bonuses, pay increases and even more stock options.

Some former marshmallow workers find much lower paying jobs as migrant workers or burger flippers. They lose their homes, marriages end, they uproot their family. Some turn to crime, others to alcohol, and other's simply end their miserable lives. Nevertheless, the government reports median income in the United States UP over previous months because the greedy CEO's hired in their cronies who helped them create the marshmallow shortage. They thank their friends with luxurious salaries, stock options out the wazoo, signing bonuses, use of the coporate jet.

All this made possible by you foolish stockholders who see $$$ in your eyes because of the record profits of the marshmallow industry and have bought the stock like it's going out of style.

And the CEO's and company execs are sitting behind their babinga paneled board room, smoking the finest Cuban cigars, drinking the finest Scotch and laughing. Yep, laughing at you stupid, stupid, stupid, stockholders.

Derick

Derick,

THANK YOU for making it clearer! I just knew that Marx had something to do with it!

:p :p :p

or was it dubya?

Nope, not Marx or PBII, just one of my favorite sayings "treat other's as you would like to be treated."

Ain't that right lb?

Derick

I say you're both wrong. Its not about oil, and its not about money. Its about Marshmallow Circus Peanuts. With just a touch of alien conspiracy thrown in. :p

What it's really about is some people are offended at the profanity of it all-- "Marshmallow Circus Peanuts"! That the hallowed peanut should be portrayed as just so much fluff! STOPIT (Society To Obliterate Peanut Image Trashing) members have been seen perpetrating acts of terror against stores that sell MCPs, and are known to be confiscating all bags of MCPs they find and destroying them. That's why there's a shortage.

Larry, you have every right and even a duty to write your congressman/woman immediately to remind him/her these barbarians are trampling your constitutional right to the pursuit of happiness! Some rights are inviolable. Maybe it's time for a constitutional amendment making it illegal for a person to confiscate marshmallow peanuts even though they may represent idolatry to that person!

If you look very carefully at a marshmallow peanut, you will find EVIDENCE of an ADVANCED SPIT IRRIGATION SYSTEM!!

Those small bumps, when looked at under a high powered microscope, are actually HIGHLY EVOLVED WATER TRANSPORT SYSTEMS, well beyond the capability of humankind when the marshmallow peanut was created in, I reckon, 1949?

There's a secret lab in ROSWELL, NM, where thousands of marshmallow peanuts are being held captive by the US GOVERNMENT, and all sorts of HORRIFIC EXPERIMENTS are being performed on their helpless little corpi.

Free the marshmallow peanut! Join me in a MARCH ON WASHINGTON!!

Signed,
Peanut People Have The Truth (PPHTT!)

This is all a conspiracy on the part of the marshmallow farmers to get an increase in subsidies. Yet another example of special interest groups trying to line their own pockets with money extracted from mine.

I call for a special study to determine how many acres have been converted from dental floss production to marshmallow in expectation of this new legislation passing through congress.

No, Nina is absolutely right.

I found some detritus under a couch in my living room. It appeared to be the remains of a marshmallow peanut chick from an Easter basket my mother sent my kid. Upon close examination, it was clear that there was a vestigial spitting system in place. I think that a march on Washington would be entirely appropriate but maybe we should start smaller. How about a practice march on Arizona? Nina? P.S. I will bring the candy.

P.S.

Then we could all take a well-deserved respite at the Canyon Ranch in Scottsdale.

I am about to retire for the evening and I am certain that my dreams will be filled with dancing, marching, chanting, and yes, spitting Marshmallow Circus Peanuts. I want to thank you all for sharing some of the most imaginative thoughts on the current state of the Marshmallow Circus Peanut that I am sure could be found in any corner of the known or unknown universe. I especially want to thank Larry for bringing this very important and, I daresay, underappreciated topic to the attention of this board. VIVA LE MARSHMALLOW CIRCUS PEANUTS. Good evening.

You guys have got the controversy all wrong! You've read too much of George and Derick. This is strictly a ploy of the animal rights movement. After all, the darned things are made with geletin, right? And you KNOW where that comes from, right?

So we've got this whole farm factory system where we put poor pigs, cows, chickens in the tiniest of spaces (sometimes on top of each other), pump them up with antibiotics and other drugs, all part of an industry that pollutes the environment and contributes to heart disease and obesity everywhere. Not to mention the rights these poor animals are being denied as they give their lives for the fleeting enjoyment of a marshmellow circus peanut.

Vegetarians, unite!

penny

What is really so unfortunate is that in this male dominated society, even the women will join in this type of discussion.

The "us" at the end of Circus is masculine in Latin. How long will we continue to think of Marshmallow Circus Peanuts only as male! When will we wake up and recognize the great contribution women have made to this society and give them the recognition that is their due!

It is time, I think, that we change our words so that we realize we are talking about Marshmallow Circus/Circa Peanuts -- and stop dismissing 51% of the population.

Too much of George? I can understand reading too much of Derick! But reading too much of quiet, reserved George? Is it possible?

Down here in the Bible belt I stumbled upon an old fashioned tent revival. The preacher, Reverend Warren T. Zilch, was in the middle of a fire and brimstone sermon about the evils of the Marshmellow Circus Peanut, and it's corruption of Americas youth. With much fanfare and "praise the Lord" (pronounced Low-er-ed, at least three sylables) hundreds of bags of MCP were thrown into a bonfire! (Preachers no longer burn Rock and Roll albums, as it is so hard to find vinyl records anymore, and besides, ACDC's 'Highway To heck' is really a good album.) Anyway, part of the shortage is caused by the needless destruction by religious zealots and their own campaign to outlaw MCP. They even have a MCP detox center! Most of the MCP around these parts are manufactured in clandestine labs in the country, and are sold by shady characters lurking outside of movie theaters showing Disney movies.

Not enough time to really read all posts, but quickly checking in...

Great topic! Circus peanuts are one of my lifelong guilty pleasures. First, they must be ORANGE. Also, as Larry said, they must be eaten stale. When they're fresh, they're way too puffy and light, and they give off an unidentifiable, slightly petrochemical smell (but don't be confused, this this is a smokescreen issue, and doesn't have anything to do with oil company conspiracies, as will be explained later). I've often bought them fresh, and let them stale-up before inhaling them.

Jolly is right, RC Cola was (is?) a great chaser, but not as good as a Nehi Orange (which had a really biting quality to it, not found in any currently available orange soda), or Grape if orange wasn't available. Man, I wish Nehi was still around. We all got a free bottle after every little league game, and there was nothing like feeling that sharp, cold taste going down after a hot, dusty game.

Regarding the shortage, Steve was close in his point about the marshmallow farmers, but he didn't get it quite right. In fact, the farmers have no problem growing enough marshmallows. The actual problem is twofold: first, in an effort to promote fairness and stabilize marshmallow markets, the federal government has developed a subsidy program which pays the farmers to NOT grow them. Second, even the farmers that do produce the marshmallows are frequently the victims of harrassment and vandalism by members of PETOM (People for the Ethical Treatment Of Marshmallows). So many of the farmers simply give up producing marshmallows, and instead opt to grow a far less controversial a cash crop, like tobacco. This is the real explanation for the Circus Peanut shortage.

(Thanks for bringing back great memories, folks! It's just what I needed this morning; my testimony starts either late this afternoon or tomorrow morning. Now I know how I'm going to celebrate after getting to the other side of this business )