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Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762098
02/03/04 12:19 AM
02/03/04 12:19 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,046
Portland, Oregon
.rvaga* Offline OP
2000 Post Club Member
.rvaga*  Offline OP
2000 Post Club Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,046
Portland, Oregon
I received this spam today. It's such a hoot, just gotta pass it on:
================


Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!

BE ORDAINED NOW!

As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!

WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!
Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

FUNERALS
A very hard time for you and your family
Don't settle for a minister you don't know!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.

BAPTISMS
You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!"
What a special way to welcome a child of God.

FORGIVENESS OF SINS
The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!

VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES
Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock

WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH??
After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!


At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.

Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.

For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate in color, with gold seal
(Certificate professionally printed by an ink press)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in your name
3. Shipping is free

<http://www.brandnewgreatsites.com/brackeen.com>Press this link to order and learn more

thumb

Piano & Music Accessories
Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762099
02/03/04 12:29 AM
02/03/04 12:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 9,798
Oklahoma City
JBryan Offline
9000 Post Club Member
JBryan  Offline
9000 Post Club Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 9,798
Oklahoma City
Does tax exempt status come along with it?


Better to light one small candle than to curse the %&#$@#! darkness. :t:
Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762100
02/03/04 01:00 AM
02/03/04 01:00 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,192
Topeka, Kansas
RKVS1 Offline
3000 Post Club Member
RKVS1  Offline
3000 Post Club Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,192
Topeka, Kansas
I suspect a lot my problems stem from the fact that my certificate was printed on an amateur ink press. frown I just knew I should have waited to be ordained by one of The Simpsons instead of Bevis.

Bob

Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762101
02/03/04 01:14 AM
02/03/04 01:14 AM
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,041
Southern California
John Andrew Offline
3000 Post Club Member
John Andrew  Offline
3000 Post Club Member
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,041
Southern California
The problem with this is that I would not know were on my wall to put this certificate.

I already have the $29.95 Harvard Diploma for my Bachelor's Degree, my $39.95 Diploma for my Master's Degree from Yale and my $59.95 Diploma for my Doctorate from Stanford.

Of course, this is kind of a professional degree, I suppose. So maybe it goes between my $44.95 (after mail-in rebate) Doctor of Jurisprudence Degree and my $89.95 MD Degree from John Hopkins.

Damn! I had forgotten how expensive an education is! But now that I have listed it all I can't believe I was able to do it without student loans and working full time!


You can be disappointed, but you cannot walk away. This fight has just begun. Senator John Edwards
Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762102
02/03/04 01:26 AM
02/03/04 01:26 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 9,798
Oklahoma City
JBryan Offline
9000 Post Club Member
JBryan  Offline
9000 Post Club Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 9,798
Oklahoma City
I think you could mount this certificate on your barhroom wall.


In case of emergencies.


Better to light one small candle than to curse the %&#$@#! darkness. :t:
Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762103
02/03/04 02:10 AM
02/03/04 02:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,192
Topeka, Kansas
RKVS1 Offline
3000 Post Club Member
RKVS1  Offline
3000 Post Club Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,192
Topeka, Kansas
JB, you NEED to get that muffler fixed, you know.


barhroom barhroom

I better put in the quote in case that guy goes back and fixes his tupoes.

Quote
I think you could mount this certificate on your barhroom wall
or maybe he just felt he was out of place there, i.e. a barhmitsfit?

Jodi

Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762104
02/03/04 07:18 AM
02/03/04 07:18 AM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,028
NE
A
Ariel Offline
3000 Post Club Member
Ariel  Offline
3000 Post Club Member
A
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,028
NE
Ohhhh.
Quote
Topic: Speak for God. . . only $29.95
I get it. I clicked on thinking you said, "Speak TO God...only $29.95". eek

Ariel

(What I REALLY want to find in a catalog or on line, is an electrically illusioned burning bush for the family room. Maybe one I could mike with sayings like: "And just what DO YOU KIDS THINK YOU'RE DOING on that sofa?" or "Never, EVER click on that web-site again or you'll wish you'd only built a Golden Calf!")


If this is coffee, bring me tea. If this is tea, bring me coffee.
~Abraham Lincoln~
Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762105
02/03/04 11:07 AM
02/03/04 11:07 AM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 6,964
The Evergreen State (WA)
jodi Offline
6000 Post Club Member
jodi  Offline
6000 Post Club Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 6,964
The Evergreen State (WA)
Quote
Originally posted by RKVS1:

...Jodi
Now I know why I've been feeling so blue these last few days.

!


(loved the family picture of me you posted, BTW. I found another one from the 80's (big ugly glasses) that looks quite similar. I've been rearranging the closets, if I can manage to find the photos again, I'll post it.)

smile Jodi

Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762106
02/03/04 12:21 PM
02/03/04 12:21 PM
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 6,467
Phoenix, AZ
Nina Offline
6000 Post Club Member
Nina  Offline
6000 Post Club Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 6,467
Phoenix, AZ
Quote
Originally posted by rvaga:
WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!
Wow! I didn't know there were that many people who wanted to marry their brother or their sister! I guess this dooms the only children to permanent bachelorhood.

Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762107
02/03/04 12:40 PM
02/03/04 12:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,378
North Carolina
bcarey Offline
3000 Post Club Member
bcarey  Offline
3000 Post Club Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,378
North Carolina
Hey, JA, this deal is a rip-off. I'll sell you one for $9.95! laugh

Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762108
02/04/04 01:03 AM
02/04/04 01:03 AM
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,041
Southern California
John Andrew Offline
3000 Post Club Member
John Andrew  Offline
3000 Post Club Member
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,041
Southern California
Quote
Originally posted by bcarey:
Hey, JA, this deal is a rip-off. I'll sell you one for $9.95! laugh
No thanks, bcarey. I am after a first class ministery, not some cheap thing. You get what you pay for.

I'll go for the $29.95 deluxe ministry.

Plus when I called, they threw in some ginsu knives!


You can be disappointed, but you cannot walk away. This fight has just begun. Senator John Edwards
Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762109
02/04/04 09:31 AM
02/04/04 09:31 AM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,378
North Carolina
bcarey Offline
3000 Post Club Member
bcarey  Offline
3000 Post Club Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 3,378
North Carolina
Quote
Originally posted by John Andrew:
Quote
Originally posted by bcarey:
[b] Hey, JA, this deal is a rip-off. I'll sell you one for $9.95! laugh
No thanks, bcarey. I am after a first class ministery, not some cheap thing. You get what you pay for.

I'll go for the $29.95 deluxe ministry.

Plus when I called, they threw in some ginsu knives! [/b]
Humph! For $29.95, the least they could have done was throw in a few snakes. laugh

Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762110
02/04/04 04:00 PM
02/04/04 04:00 PM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,028
NE
A
Ariel Offline
3000 Post Club Member
Ariel  Offline
3000 Post Club Member
A
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,028
NE
bcarey:
Quote
Humph! For $29.95, the least they could have done was throw in a few snakes.
You mean, I'm sure, transformer stick-snakes wink

Ariel


If this is coffee, bring me tea. If this is tea, bring me coffee.
~Abraham Lincoln~
Re: Speak for God. . . only $29.95 #762111
02/04/04 05:00 PM
02/04/04 05:00 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,046
Portland, Oregon
.rvaga* Offline OP
2000 Post Club Member
.rvaga*  Offline OP
2000 Post Club Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,046
Portland, Oregon
I called and got the Priest upgrade for only $10.

Called them right back.

Please refer to me as "your holiness" as I believe this is the correct salutation when addressing your new Bishop.

laugh


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