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A Priest, a Rabbi, a nun, a blind man, an albino, a gay, an Eskimo, a horse, a one-legged dog and a penguin walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Well why was the piano player arrested?
Because he got into treble.

Why was the piano invented?
So the musician would have a place to put his beer.

What’s the difference between a pianist and a large pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: How do you get a jazz piano player off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.

Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a hurry.



What do you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck.
What do ghosts use to phone home? A terror-phone



A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"

How do you know when the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth

Busted.

A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said,
"Where would man be today if it were not for woman?"
She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where
would man be today if it were not for woman?"
From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden
of Eden, eating strawberries."



What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.





Q: Why is the slippery ice like music?
A: If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

Hahahahaha Sparky!

That unison better be in tune.
Kees

Some your you guys have great funnies, Daryl, sparky and others! Keep it up, makes me laugh, thanks!

"One can complain because rosebushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses"
-Abraham Lincoln

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.



"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me..."

"...So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!...But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Advice to an Old Guy in the Gym____________________





An old guy (not in the best of shape) was attempting to work out at the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing.... He asked the trainer who was nearby, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet young thing over there"?



The trainer looked him up and down and said,

"I would try the ATM machine in the lobby."

Barbie's cleaning day.

Everyone loves a parade.

You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...

The doctor tells you are in fine health
for someone twice your age.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

Going on vacation for a week, enjoy your week everyone. I leave you with a couple of jokes...

The jazz trio

A lady aboard a cruise ship was not impressed by the jazz trio in one of the shipboard restaurants. When her waiter came around, she asked, "Will they play anything I ask?"
"Of course!" replied the waiter.
"Then tell them to go play chess!"

What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won’t blow away? Root position cords.

Definition of a piano tuner: A person employed to come into the home, rearrange the furniture, and annoy the cat. The tuner’s chief purpose is to ascertain the breaking point of the piano’s strings.

That last one was for BDB!!!

Saint Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Goodness!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?"

Have a good time on your vacation Jerry
and hurry back soon ya hear

Ahh this is sleepy time

I'm baaaaaaaack!

Man, it was so cold up to the cottage this past week that we had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post.

We've been melting here in central Texas with forecast for the next seven days 100 plus.