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#499673 - 05/11/06 09:25 AM Funny Quotes about Music  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,696
loveschopintoomuch Offline
4000 Post Club Member
loveschopintoomuch  Offline
4000 Post Club Member

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,696
Illinois
I just couldn't help myself. This is funny.


"I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." Woody Allen

Away from the subject, I know. But he also said:

"I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

He cracks me up. laugh


After playing Chopin, I feel as if I had been weeping over sins that I had never committed, and mourning over tragedies that were not my own." Oscar Wilde, 1891
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#499674 - 05/11/06 10:07 AM Re: Funny Quotes about Music  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,868
pianojerome Offline
9000 Post Club Member
pianojerome  Offline
9000 Post Club Member

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,868
laugh

"I don't know much about classical music. For years I thought the Goldberg Variations was something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg did on their wedding night." -- Woody Allen


Sam
#499675 - 05/11/06 10:14 AM Re: Funny Quotes about Music  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,696
loveschopintoomuch Offline
4000 Post Club Member
loveschopintoomuch  Offline
4000 Post Club Member

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 4,696
Illinois
This is a corker!!

By The King Himself, Elvis....

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
:rolleyes:


After playing Chopin, I feel as if I had been weeping over sins that I had never committed, and mourning over tragedies that were not my own." Oscar Wilde, 1891
#499676 - 05/11/06 10:31 AM Re: Funny Quotes about Music  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,588
Euan Morrison Offline
1000 Post Club Member
Euan Morrison  Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,588
Edinburgh
a few more, courtesy of mr.google:

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'"
- Bob Newhart

"The piano is a monster that screams when you touch its teeth."
- Andre Segovia

"I once sent him a song and asked him to mark a cross wherever he thought it was faulty. Brahms returned it untouched, saying 'I don't want to make a cemetery of your compositions.'"
- Hugo Wolf

"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
- Mark Twain

"My advice would be; if you want to pursue a career in the music business...... don't."
-Simon Cowell

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#499677 - 05/11/06 10:36 AM Re: Funny Quotes about Music  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,868
pianojerome Offline
9000 Post Club Member
pianojerome  Offline
9000 Post Club Member

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 9,868
Oh, you guys want more? :p

http://www.geocities.com/pianojerome/quotes/humor.html

1.
I occasionally play works by contemporary composers and for two reasons: first, to disourage the composer from writing anymore, and second, to remind myself how much I appreciate Beethoven.

Jascha Heifetz, violinist

2.
If you think I'm something, wait 'til you hear Richter!

Emil Gilels, pianist

3.
[The Liszt rhaposdies must be protected] firstly, against musicians of the 'serious' breed who look down on them as showpieces, and secondly, against the piano maniacs who abuse them as showpieces.

Alfred Brendel, pianist

4.
Jack Benny played Mendelssohn last night. Mendelssohn lost.

Isaac Stern, violinist

5.
One can't judge Wagner's opera 'Lohengrin' after a first hearing, and I certainly don't intend hearing it a second time.

Gioacchino Rossini, composer

6.
Never look at the trombones. It only encourages them.

Richard Strauss, composer

7.
There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public does't give a damn what goes on in between.

Sir Thomas Beechem, conductor

8.
I never understood the need for a 'live' audience. My music, because of its extreme quietude, would be happiest with a dead one.

Igor Stravinsky, composer

9.
Today, conducting is a question of ego: a lot of people believe they are actually playing music.

Daniel Barenboim, conductor/pianist

10.
Mozart died too late rather than too soon.

Glenn Gould, pianist

11.
Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!

Sir Thomas Beechem, conductor

12.
Beethoven can write music, thank God, but he can do nothing else on earth.

Ludwig van Beethoven, composer

13.
Modern music is as dangerous as narcotics.

Pietro Mascagni, composer

14.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

Mark Twain, writer

15.
In the fiddler's house, everone dances.

Proverb

16.
There is one god: Bach, and Mendelssohn is his prophet.

Hector Berlioz, composer

17.
If the critics want me to play the moderns, wait till they hear the Khachaturian again. I'll make each dissonance groan, that's what I'll do! They'll leave the hall in the middle of the first cadenza.

William Kapell, pianist

18.
I have played over the music of that scoundrel Brahms. What a giftless bastard!

Peter Tchaikovsky, composer

19.
Brahms is just like Tennyson, an extraordinary musician, with the brains of a third rate village policeman.

George Bernard Shaw, playwright

20.
The sonatas of Mozart are unique; they are too easy for children, and too difficult for artists.

Artur Schnabel, pianist

21.
It is sobering to think that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead a year.

Tom Lehrer, musician

22.
I sit down to the piano regularly at nine-o'clock in the morning and Mesdames les Muses have learned to be on time for that rendezvous.

Peter Tchaikovsky, composer

23.
A good composer does not imitate; he steals.

Igor Stravinsky, composer

24.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Igor Stravinsky, composer

25.
I write [music] as a sow piddles

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, composer

26.
Don't bother to look, I've composed all this already.

Gustav Mahler, composer (to Bruno Walter who had stopped to admire mountain scenery in rural Austria)

27.
[Musicians] talk of nothing but money and jobs. Give me businessmen every time. They really are interested in music and art.

Jean Sibelius, composer

28.
Chaos is a friend of mine.

Bob Dylan, songwriter

29.
There is nothing more difficult than talking about music.

Camille Saint-Saens, composer

30.
I am not handsome, but when women hear me play, they come crawling to my feet.

Niccolo Paganini, violinist/composer

31.
If one hears bad music it is one's duty to drown it by one's conversation.

Oscar Wilde, playwrite

32.
Critics can't even make music by rubbing their back legs together.

Mel Brooks, comedian

33.
Life can't be all bad when for ten dollars you can buy all the Beethoven sonatas and listen to them for ten years.

William F. Buckley Jr., writer

34.
You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow.

Oscar Levant, composer (explaining his way out of a speeding ticket)

35.
If a young man [Aaron Copland] at the age of twenty-three can write a symphony like that, in five years he will be ready to commit murder.

Walter Damrosh, composer

36.
God tells me how the music should sound, but you stand in the way.

Arturo Toscanini, conductor

37.
I really don't know whether any place contains more pianists than Paris, or whether you can find more asses and virtuosos anywhere.

Frederic Chopin, composer

38.
In opera, there is always too much singing.

Claude Debussy, composer

39.
Oh how wonderful, really wonderful opera would be if there were no singers!

Gioacchino Rossini, composer

40.
Movie music is noise. It's even more painful than my sciatica.

Sir Thomas Beecham, conductor

41.
Their's [the Beatles'] is a happy, cocky, belligerently resourceless brand of harmonic primitivism... In the Liverpudlian repertoire, the indulgent amateurishness of the musical material, though closely rivaled by the indifference of the performing style, is actually surpassed only by the ineptitude of the studio production method. (Strawberry Fields suggests a chance encounter at a mountain wedding between Claudio Monteverdi and a jug band.)

Glenn Gould, pianist

42.
A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.

Sir Thomas Beecham, conductor

43.
All the arts in America are a gigantic racket run by unscrupulous men for unhealthy women.

Sir Thomas Beecham, conductor

44.
Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away.

Sir Thomas Beecham, conductor

45.
No operatic star has yet died soon enough for me.

Sir Thomas Beecham, conductor

46.
The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

Sir Thomas Beecham, conductor

47.
There are three kinds of pianist - Jewish pianists, homosexual pianists, and bad pianists.

Vladimir Horowitz, pianist (himself two of the three)

48.
Vivace, accelerando de Morte.

Anonymous


Sam
#499678 - 05/11/06 10:40 AM Re: Funny Quotes about Music  
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 361
pianojazz Offline
Full Member
pianojazz  Offline
Full Member

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 361
dearborn, mi
Spoken by a country music studio musician: "Of course I can read music - but not so much that it affects my playin"


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