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Wife hates piano #474775 03/11/04 03:38 PM
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Daren Offline OP
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Hi,
I have fallen in love with my piano and classical music.
The problem is my wife hates it and can not stand me when I am practicing she turns up the hifi and shuts me out every time.
Im begginning to hate her for it now and wished I had married someone who also likes classical music.But that is a bad thing.
It would be nice to have a bit of encouragement with the people who we live with.
How do you overcome a problem such as this?
Is there anybody here who has the same problem with their other halfs?If so does this effect your desire to practice?

Regards,
Daz

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Re: Wife hates piano #474776 03/11/04 04:20 PM
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benedict Offline
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Have you tried played some music that she loves ?

If she feels you reach for her, she may become more tolerant for what moves you.

You could even use her opposition to concentrate on classic music that is closer to her taste.

In the end, she might even say that she always has loved classic music.

Do you share moments of tenderness and exchange about what moves her ?

This conflict and pain may be an opportunity for both of you to discover that your differences make your relationship richer.

I hope you get through this and find a solution that really makes you both happy.

smile


Benedict
Re: Wife hates piano #474777 03/11/04 04:37 PM
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kluurs Offline
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You can do what I did - and get a divorce. I have only seriously dated people who share or at least are compatible with my love of music.

Alternatively, you might consider a "silent piano" - an acoustic instrument that can be played through headphones. That makes it a bit easier on someone listening to you practice. Listening to me practice is like having one's wisdom teeth spun around in one's head by a power router.

In the case of my wife, she resented something that made me happy and didn't involve her. If that's the problem, some negotiating/counseling may help -- try and avoid the Smith and Wesson.

Ken

Re: Wife hates piano #474778 03/11/04 04:45 PM
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CrashTest Offline
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Get a new wife! There is so such thing as a "soul mate" in life, but just people who are compatible. This means there are other fish in the sea, and musical fish at that.

I know it is not as easy as getting a new wife, but if there are other problems in the relationship, this could be the catalyst for change.

Re: Wife hates piano #474779 03/11/04 05:01 PM
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Diarmuid2 Offline
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As always, Benedict offers the most beautiful advice.

Rightly or wrongly though, I'd react like kluurs and Crash. Divorce the philistine!

Re: Wife hates piano #474780 03/11/04 05:09 PM
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ChrisKeys Offline
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Yeah, what Diarmuid said! Benedict proposed a good compromise: see if there's some style of music she likes, and learn some of that along with the classical.

Chris

Re: Wife hates piano #474781 03/11/04 05:13 PM
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zorro Offline
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She hates classical music??? eek eek eek
This world in which we live is indeed a sad one, my friends...

zorro


"I love Beethoven, especially the poems."
Ringo Starr
Re: Wife hates piano #474782 03/11/04 05:14 PM
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Ted Offline
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It seems peculiar that this difference was not discussed and did not surface prior to marriage. Before we married I asked my wife at least six times over a period of months if she was quite sure she could live with my musical obsession. After six affirmative answers I proposed. She has been true to her word in every way and I have always found her opinions of my music to be very perceptive and valuable.

I would add, however, that in the last analysis I do not consider myself a good enough musician to value my music more highly than human beings I love. I agree with Charles Ives that a man ought to weaken in this regard.


"We shall always love the music of the masters, but they are all dead and now it's our turn." - Llewelyn Jones, my piano teacher
Re: Wife hates piano #474783 03/11/04 05:17 PM
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anomaly Offline
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Maybe you should try getting an electronic stage piano(like a Yamaha P90, etc.) so she doesn't have to listen to you practice?

She should be more understanding however... sounds like you guys need to talk.

Re: Wife hates piano #474784 03/11/04 05:19 PM
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Bernard Offline
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Daren, I think it's great there is something you and your wife do not share with the same level of enthusiam. I would think having strong interests of your own (both you and your wife) would be healthy for your marriage. Not knowing the rest of your lives, I would say divorce seems too drastic a solution.

What Benedict said, of course.

Can you build yourself a studio where you can endulge your passion for music. A place that would not interfere with your wife's peace of mind?

Is she jealous? That is a different problem. You'll have to show her, that even though you care about music very much, you will return from your musical journey with all the same adoration, admiration and passion for her that you had on departure.

Good luck to you. Hope it works out well.


"Hunger for growth will come to you in the form of a problem." -- unknown
Re: Wife hates piano #474785 03/11/04 05:28 PM
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kathyk Offline
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That is indeed sad, Daz. Sometimes I know that my son (Fredshoppin) and I nearly blast my husband (Jackfrost)out of his little dining room/Kazaa/ computer sanctuary (the piano is right next to him with just a set of sliding doors separating them). I 've often felt sorry for him and told him he should disappear with his laptop to the 3rd floor where one can be oblivious to the piano. He chooses to defer to us and just shuts down his little illegal Kazaa operation (he even has a Woofer box for his computer!!) and bides his time until the piano shuts itself up. But, he never complains - bless his heart. He may not be swooning over our music - after all, practice, IS practice - but he knows how important it is to us players (don't you Jack!).

I've fantasized about having a spouse who would swoon over my playing (I once had an Italian boyfriend who feigned it well, but too many other problems there), and that would be nice, but at a minimum, there has to be an understanding.

I agree with others here. You two need to have a major talk. Show her this thread for starters!

Re: Wife hates piano #474786 03/11/04 09:27 PM
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RachFan Offline
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I'm a very accomplished pianist who loves his art and his wife too, but our musical tastes are incompatible, where I'm into classical music and she prefers rock. My piano is a 6'3" Baldwin Model L.

Basically 1) She hates piano as an instrument; 2) She hates the sound of practicing; 3) She has sensitive ears and piano hurts her hearing; and 4) Piano is a solitary pursuit which she can't share.

The result is that I can only play when she's out of the house, which is very infrequent. So my "to do" list of repertoire is inactive. If I can find any very short intervals of practice time and want to expand repertoire, I pick something easy like a Chopin Nocturne for a "quick win". While I'd like to devote my time to the bigger challenges of Rachmaninoff, Scriabin and Ravel, I cannot undertake those works and do them any degree of justice with one hour of practice every three weeks or so.

In our current home, the style is "open architecture", meaning the sound permeates the whole house. But I don't want the great expense of constructing a standalone studio or renting a loft for the piano either. Resolving this is not easy. Maybe an electronic piano is the way to go for practicing.

Re: Wife hates piano #474787 03/11/04 11:04 PM
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Terrytunes Offline
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My husband has always supported my piano habit. I do not know what I would have done if he did not do so. Hmmmm...this thread does make me realize just how fortunate I have been the last 30 plus years.
Rachfan.... if you live close by you could have an open invitation to play the piano at my house anytime!!! I only wish I could offer the same to Daren!!!
wink

Re: Wife hates piano #474788 03/11/04 11:41 PM
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Hmmm.. Rachfan I remember feeling such compassion when you said your wife did not like your playing. Well,, to be honest, I think I am beginning to wear on my husband. Our next house will definitely have a piano corner that doesn't musically fill the whole house. Practically speaking, I think that is a good plan to hope for. The only other alternative I have to give the hubby plenty of attention so he'll go away and not hang around with a vague disgruntled look about him.

You're old enough Rachfan, that you could start looking for a handicapped accessible house (with a piano wing of course) for the two of you and she'd never know. something nice... smile Life it too short to not be able to play the piano... You could buy her an ipod with earphones..

Kathy - Jack seems so nice in so many ways.


accompanist/organist.. a non-MTNA teacher to a few

love and peace, Õun (apple in Estonian)
Re: Wife hates piano #474789 03/11/04 11:55 PM
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RealPlayer Offline
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RachFan wrote:

Quote
where I'm into classical music and she prefers rock
and
Quote
She has sensitive ears and piano hurts her hearing; (no, she won't wear earplugs)
Huh? Surely I'm not the only one who senses a contradiction here. Rock doesn't hurt her hearing? confused

Rach, Daren, I'm so sorry for your situations. I'm lucky to have a great wife who, though not a musician, is very supportive. I think I've just found another opportunity to be thankful.

Re: Wife hates piano #474790 03/12/04 12:31 AM
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Bob Muir Offline
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KathyK, I would highly recommend that your husband acquire a set of these:
Etymotic ER-4P earphones

They seal out sounds just like ear plugs, but they have audiophile speakers for music as well! I bought a set for when I want to block out everything but the music, (especially when I'm mowing the lawn). They're great!

Re: Wife hates piano #474791 03/12/04 04:21 AM
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benedict Offline
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Bob,

Quote
They seal out sounds just like ear plugs,
Do you think one could wear these while sleeping not to be waken up by noisy neighbours ?


Benedict
Re: Wife hates piano #474792 03/12/04 12:19 PM
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MikeMcf31 Offline
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Rachfan, Your situation is sad. You really should invest in a good digital with headphones.. I'd be lost without my Kurzweil. The point you made about the piano being a solitary pursuit is very valid. My wife is almost jealous that I have something I really enjoy. At times I am totally isolated with the headphones on and am in a different world that she cannot enter. But when company comes over she is the first to plead for me to play.

Re: Wife hates piano #474793 03/12/04 03:49 PM
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rpb1965 Offline
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Daren,

Wow, I hear and see myself in your post.

My wife of 14 years and I never discussed music to any degree before our marriage. She knew I studied piano in grade school and high school and always said we should buy a grand piano when we could afford it. She even bought me a Clavinova when we were poor students although I never played it for various reasons.

My daughter started lessons a few years ago on the Clavinova, and as she grew out of it and needed an acoustic piano, we bought (with my wife's input, cooperation and blessing) a beuatiful grand.

I had taken lessons for 8 years when I was young, and decided to start again with my daughter's instructor. I think some how the piano reconnected me with my youth. I can spend two hours practicing (which is in itself a rarity) that seems like only five minutes.

My wife hates it. She hates everything about it. She is jealous of the time I spend practicing which we have mutually agreed is to be ONE hour a day. I could easily play two or three. I wish I had bought a Yamaha with a silent mechanism on it so I could practice at night when she won't feel neglected and no one else will be bothered by the sound. I WILL NOT put an after market system on my grand. I just can't do it.

I understand what it is like for you.

I love my wife. I am obsessed by my piano. Or maybe posessed. At best, infatuated. Infatuation never lasts. I hope it's over soon. But I have so many pieces lined up in mind to play....

Sincerely,

rpb1965


There is no problem that brute force and ignorance cannot solve.
Re: Wife hates piano #474794 03/12/04 03:54 PM
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kathyk Offline
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Quote
Originally posted by Bob Muir:
KathyK, I would highly recommend that your husband acquire a set of these:
Etymotic ER-4P earphones

They seal out sounds just like ear plugs, but they have audiophile speakers for music as well! I bought a set for when I want to block out everything but the music, (especially when I'm mowing the lawn). They're great!
Cool! I'll send him to your link.

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