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Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. #2790696
12/12/18 10:09 PM
12/12/18 10:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 311
UK, EU
P
precise Offline OP
Full Member
precise  Offline OP
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P

Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 311
UK, EU
To all you guys in the Piano Forum,

Just to say thank you all so much for the many wise, interesting and fun comments and posts I've read and participated in since joining PW. I've asked a multitude of probably very basic questions about everything from key-tops to cracked soundboards - you've always been patient, helpful and professional. Like many pianists, I'm not so good with what goes on under the hood! But I've learnt a lot from you guys smile

I will leave (delete profile) PW tomorrow because of bullying from a particular member since day one of my joining. It's someone I've never met and do not know. This all takes place in two of the other forums on PW.

My name and website are clearly posted here as my signature. A bullying member constantly throwing my professional standing into doubt in public forums, with sarcasm, rudeness, accusations, abusive and threatening private messages, is not something I will tolerate any longer.

Funnily enough, I don't think that kind of behaviour would be tolerated in this forum - and there are many pros here, with website links etc, just as I have. But bullying seems to be tolerated in Pianist Corner and Adult Beginners. I am told to ignore it - yet it continues. And I am to sit and watch my reputation called into question by a vindictive user. One user.
If I respond to the bully, I will be banned. It doesn't seem quite right...

Btw, this message genuinely isn't as a means of looking for sympathy - it's to highlight a real problem here: that of a bully who has made many members leave PW.

Thank you all again.

Regards,

smile




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Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790702
12/12/18 10:24 PM
12/12/18 10:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 4,020
Gaithersburg, MD (Washington D...
K
Keith D Kerman Offline
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Keith D Kerman  Offline
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K

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 4,020
Gaithersburg, MD (Washington D...
That's a shame. I hope you will reconsider. Or, just hang out in this forum.


Keith D Kerman
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Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790711
12/12/18 11:09 PM
12/12/18 11:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 905
D
DanS Offline
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DanS  Offline
500 Post Club Member
D

Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 905
Sorry to see you go. It's no fun being tormented by a snarky, pedantic know-it-all.

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790715
12/12/18 11:39 PM
12/12/18 11:39 PM
Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 50
M
MrCatMissMew Offline
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MrCatMissMew  Offline
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M

Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 50
Surely the admins can step in and help you? So sorry this has happened.

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790716
12/12/18 11:41 PM
12/12/18 11:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 109
Minneapolis, MN
D
DDobs Offline
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DDobs  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 109
Minneapolis, MN
I've had good experiences in this forum. Nothing worse than the occasional, subtle clash of egos.


Mason & Hamlin AA
Learning Mozart Menuetto K355


Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790725
12/13/18 12:15 AM
12/13/18 12:15 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,560
North Vancouver
L
Lady Bird Online content
1000 Post Club Member
Lady Bird  Online Content
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L

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,560
North Vancouver
Do not leave because of this ,rather report or there is a way to ignore
private messages. I can imagine that this is difficult right now .I personally will miss your posts .Your posts are always interesting so
I personally will miss reading them as I am sure so many others will as well .
Regards ,PS think on it before leaving.

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790729
12/13/18 12:45 AM
12/13/18 12:45 AM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 255
Paris, France
trandinhnamanh Online content
Full Member
trandinhnamanh  Online Content
Full Member

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 255
Paris, France
Oh dear! I can't believe this happen to a PW member!


Hamburg Steinway & Sons C-227
Yamaha Stagea Electone ELS-02C
Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790733
12/13/18 12:58 AM
12/13/18 12:58 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,560
North Vancouver
L
Lady Bird Online content
1000 Post Club Member
Lady Bird  Online Content
1000 Post Club Member
L

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,560
North Vancouver
Precise,
Do not let the bully win ,stay !

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790741
12/13/18 01:34 AM
12/13/18 01:34 AM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 961
Portland, OR, USA
O
Osho Offline
500 Post Club Member
Osho  Offline
500 Post Club Member
O

Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 961
Portland, OR, USA
Precise, I hope you stay. Report this to the moderators and it will get taken care of.

I had a similar experience a while ago where someone was offended by my choice of the user name! I was constantly harassed by that person in multiple threads to change my user name. It got reported to the mods and mods took care of it well. I am happy that they stepped in and resolved it quickly. I am sure you will have similarly positive experience with the mods.

Osho


Mason & Hamlin BB
Kawai Novus NV10 + Embertone Walker D Full/Garritan CFX/Pianoteq 6

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Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790742
12/13/18 01:57 AM
12/13/18 01:57 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 22,389
New York
Mark_C Online content
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member
Mark_C  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 22,389
New York
Sorry to jump in. I realize that I'm doing a thing that I myself would usually frown on -- jumping into a thing involving others, and which I haven't even been in -- so, please pardon. I'm trying to help.

To Precise: I hope you'll reconsider, and stay.
To other readers: Please don't be too quick to assume anything.

I went and looked a bit to see what threads this might be about, because the other member, the one that Precise feels bullied by, is a member whose posting I've known for many years, and who I've never seen be anything close to a bully. In fact, in the literally thousands of posts of his that I've seen, I've never seen anything that I considered at all objectionable. From anything I've ever been able to tell, he is one of our best members. I'm not aware of his ever having had a problem with anybody.

I saw some threads where these two members were interacting, and I didn't see anything bad. Maybe I didn't see the threads where the post in question occurred, but, from what I've seen and from my long experience with the other member, I can't help wondering if some misumderstandings have occurred, or at worst, if there was just some momentary thing (or things) where things got out of hand.

In any event, I can tell you all this: The other member is not a bully, or anything close to it.

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790743
12/13/18 01:58 AM
12/13/18 01:58 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 311
UK, EU
P
precise Offline OP
Full Member
precise  Offline OP
Full Member
P

Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 311
UK, EU
Thank you to everyone - hugely appreciated.

I have reported this to PW, to several mods on several occasions and to the owner - I have let other respected users here in this forum know what has been going on.

Moderators BB Player and Ken implied I would be banned if I openly stood up to this bully - I tried to ignore the member - but was informed of yet more insulting comments in a post towards me and also that he was messaging others to get them to 'join him' in trying to have me banned. I have no idea why this user targeted me from day one.

I have received a huge number of messages from users claiming that this member has tried to make life difficult for previous members who were forced to leave. I have been told that members frequently receive messages from this member in which he asks for help in 'ganging up' on other members in order to have them discredited or banned. I have also relayed this to the mods.

I am genuinely unsure as to why bullying behaviour is tolerated in PW.

The user's name is bennevis and he very occasionally posts in Piano Forum

Thank you all again for your kind words.




Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: Mark_C] #2790745
12/13/18 02:08 AM
12/13/18 02:08 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 311
UK, EU
P
precise Offline OP
Full Member
precise  Offline OP
Full Member
P

Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 311
UK, EU
Originally Posted by Mark_C
Sorry to jump in. I realize that I'm doing a thing that I myself would usually frown on -- jumping into a thing involving others, and which I haven't even been in -- so, please pardon. I'm trying to help.

To Precise: I hope you'll reconsider, and stay.
To other readers: Please don't be too quick to assume anything.

I went and looked a bit to see what threads this might be about, because the other member, the one that Precise feels bullied by, is a member whose posting I've known for many years, and who I've never seen be anything close to a bully. In fact, in the literally thousands of posts of his that I've seen, I've never seen anything that I considered at all objectionable. From anything I've ever been able to tell, he is one of our best members. I'm not aware of his ever having had a problem with anybody.

I saw some threads where these two members were interacting, and I didn't see anything bad. Maybe I didn't see the threads where the post in question occurred, but, from what I've seen and from my long experience with the other member, I can't help wondering if some misumderstandings have occurred, or at worst, that there was some momentary thing where things got out of hand.

In any event, I can tell you all this: The other member is not a bully, or anything close to it.

Marc C - I have not made up the huge number of messages I have received from members here who attest to this member being a bully, trying to discredit other members, privately messaging others in order to gain support for ganging up on others.

I have posted evidence of some of his rude and (since my identify is known) defamatory comments to me - these would not be tolerated in this forum by the professionals.

I have written evidence (he messaged me) of threats - implying he would have my stay shortened here. I have provided this to the mods - they wish to ignore the evidence.

I'm uncertain as to your motivation for posting in defence of such a known bully - I can only assume you have been asked to try and lessen the potential trouble he is in. His private abusive and threatening messages to me display a very twisted and vindictive individual who will do anything to get his way - including committing defamation in open forum. I suspect he has you fooled - bullies are manipulative.

I'm certain PW does not want me to analyse his comments for defamation - because he has indeed posted defamatory statements about me - in relation to my known and respected international professional standing - from the first day I joined. It is unacceptable.

Defending a bully is actually rather twisted. I am leaving - he is now free to rule the roost and the Mods are free to, as is their way, allow his toxic behaviour.

I apologise for this being all out in the open. This is my final post and is for the record.

Thank you.

Last edited by precise; 12/13/18 02:17 AM.



Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790748
12/13/18 02:19 AM
12/13/18 02:19 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 22,389
New York
Mark_C Online content
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member
Mark_C  Online Content
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 22,389
New York
Originally Posted by precise
I'm uncertain as to your motivation for posting in defence of such a known bully - I can only assume you have been asked to try and lessen the potential trouble he is in.

Why do you doubt that it is just what I said?

I promise you that it is, and that your stated assumption is not so.

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: Mark_C] #2790753
12/13/18 02:34 AM
12/13/18 02:34 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,560
North Vancouver
L
Lady Bird Online content
1000 Post Club Member
Lady Bird  Online Content
1000 Post Club Member
L

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,560
North Vancouver
Originally Posted by Mark_C
Originally Posted by precise
I'm uncertain as to your motivation for posting in defence of such a known bully - I can only assume you have been asked to try and lessen the potential trouble he is in.

Why do you doubt that it is just what I said?

I promise you that it is, and that your stated assumption is not so.

Yes but you are not the one who has been bullied ,Precise is the one
who has experienced this .Do you not think you should show some
empathy?

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: Lady Bird] #2790754
12/13/18 02:43 AM
12/13/18 02:43 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 22,389
New York
Mark_C Online content
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member
Mark_C  Online Content
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 22,389
New York
Originally Posted by Lady Bird
Yes but you are not the one who has been bullied ,Precise is the one
who has experienced this .Do you not think you should show some
empathy?

Sure -- but look: If it's merely a misunderstanding (or misinterpretation) -- which I would have to guess it is, based on what I said in my first post up there -- then if we automatically support a thing that's a misunderstanding, we're being unfair to the other person. Plus, if it's a misinterpretation by Precise, then the best way to help him is to help straighten this out.

To Precise: Could you give a link to one of his posts that you are referring to?

If it has only been in private messages, as Lady Bird said, I would think there's a way to block a member you don't want to hear from. Or, you could just not enable PM's at all, which is what I routinely do, partly for this kind of potential reason.

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790763
12/13/18 04:35 AM
12/13/18 04:35 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 22,389
New York
Mark_C Online content
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member
Mark_C  Online Content
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 22,389
New York
.....I wonder if this thread (that's a link) is the main thing that this is about. It seems at least to be an example.

If so, indeed it's not anything like bullying. It looks like an attempt at a good and honest discussion by both members which just went awry. They saw the subject differently, one or another or both of them began taking it personally, and it reached a point of no return.

That can happen. It's happened with many of us; it happened once or twice or more with me, especially during my early days on the site. When it happens, hopefully we catch it before it goes too far, but sometimes unfortunately we don't.

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790765
12/13/18 05:30 AM
12/13/18 05:30 AM
Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 173
England
Lillith Offline
Full Member
Lillith  Offline
Full Member

Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 173
England
Hmm FWIW I don't see any bullying there.
A couple of guys with different opinions and strong opinions at that, but not bullying.

Come on, it's only an Internet forum.
Nobody dies.
We need a sense of perspective here I think.
Nobody EVER agrees with me, but I don't say I'm being bullied smile


Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?
Roland FP30 in white
Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790773
12/13/18 06:59 AM
12/13/18 06:59 AM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 224
Chiltern Hills, England.
G
gwing Offline
Full Member
gwing  Offline
Full Member
G

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 224
Chiltern Hills, England.
I see no bullying there either, actually pretty courteous disagreement until the usual descent into internet arguments was well established.

Not everyone is happy to have their views challenged I guess.

Last edited by gwing; 12/13/18 07:00 AM.
Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: precise] #2790777
12/13/18 07:20 AM
12/13/18 07:20 AM
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,057
Georgia, USA
Sam S Offline

3000 Post Club Member
Sam S  Offline

3000 Post Club Member

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 3,057
Georgia, USA
I follow the threads in the ABF pretty closely, and I haven't seen anything lately to complain about.

Reading through the thread that Mark C found, it seems to me that precise was the first one to engage in personal attacks.

I am just naturally suspicious when someone publicly announces they are leaving - why not just leave instead?

Sam

Re: Bye and thanks. Leaving PW because of a bully. [Re: Sam S] #2790779
12/13/18 07:42 AM
12/13/18 07:42 AM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 235
Denmark
Q
QuasiUnaFantasia Offline
Full Member
QuasiUnaFantasia  Offline
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Q

Joined: May 2018
Posts: 235
Denmark
Originally Posted by Sam S
I am just naturally suspicious when someone publicly announces they are leaving - why not just leave instead?


Because leaving quietly and unobserved feels like complete defeat, whereas at least speaking up for yourself gives some sort of relief and closure?


Roland FP-30, Roland E-28, Pianoteq 6.5 (Bechstein DG, Grotrian, Steinway D, K2)
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