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I’ve been teaching a boy since he was just shy of 5 years old and we’re about to hit our 5th anniversary. He’s a fine student. He’s always prepared, does the work, advances well, plays challenging pieces at the recitals. He’s nearly done with PA 2B (we’d be further along, but they take him out of lessons for 4 months each year to travel) and at the last recital played the Clementi Sonatina. That’s a bit of a gap, right? Well, his Tiger Dad is an accomplished pianist and that’s where the real work happens. Dad makes sure that boy plays perfectly. I teach the child the concepts, Dad grooms him into a showpony.

The child hates it. He’s told me to my face: “I don’t like piano, I don’t like playing, but I’ll keep doing it because my dad wants me to”. This was after he finished the Clementi back in May. But I've known for years that his heart isn't in it. He's a good boy who does what he's told, so he makes good progress. I was satisfied with that even if there was a certain joylessness to the process.

I backed off this semester by giving him The Wild Horseman/Schumann and L’Arabesque/Burgmuller. Still fits dad’s requirements of Classical rep, but shorter and easier to tackle.

In the meantime, this whole time, all 5 years, the musically uneducated mother, who brings the boy to lessons, has been saying all kinds of things to me. Some snide comments about my lack of children (I am a woman of childbearing age but am not a mother) that I ignored. Requests to change the programs to put her child first so they wouldn’t have to stay for the whole event...I also ignored that. And of course, that I needed to give the boy “fun music”. I needed to make the lessons more fun, be more fun, all fun all the time!
And I ignored that too. I use the same highly varied coursework for all the students, which lots of options for recital pieces that come from all kinds of sources, and no one else is complaining about the music being unsatisfying.

But this last time, the mother was just so insistent that I “make the music fun”. I was fed up. So I sent an email to her and the husband explaining that the problem was the child didn’t enjoy piano and it wouldn’t matter what I assigned, he just doesn’t like playing piano.

Well. That resulted in the father telling me that his son a musical prodigy with perfect pitch (no….no he’s not) and a star athlete (huh? His allergies are so severe he wheezes just sitting at the piano), and how all his other teachers adore him, and how the problem is me BECAUSE I’M NOT A MOTHER. And then proceeded to tell me what boys need.

I was very upset by the father’s email, furious really, but decided to take the blame for everything and tell them I’d completely understand if they wanted to find a better teacher, since I clearly didn’t make them happy. But really, I just wanted them gone immediately. I offered to refund their payment for the month.

But no….they backpedaled, said their son told them how much he liked me, and playing piano, and how much he liked the pieces I gave him (????WHAT????) and that they were staying with me. That kid can’t tell his own parents the truth, he’s so scared of disappointing them.

Because they had just paid for the month, I wrote back and said, ok, we’ll continue the lessons, but if the boy loves piano and his pieces so much, then why is the wife constantly telling me I need to make it more fun?

They didn’t respond. But just sent the boy to his next lesson, never coming to the door to talk to me.

Ultimately, these parents think I have some kind of professional deficit because I’m not a mother, and I don’t want them in my studio because of that. It’s insulting….nay….it’s insanity. I just can’t even wrap my head around this logic. I was polite in my email where I suggested they move on to a new teacher, but now I need to make it a firm stance.

What would be the best way of telling them to leave? I don’t want back and forth, I don’t want a debate. I just want them gone. They are in the same school as about half my other students, so keeping a reasonable level of peace and professionalism is important. My plan is to wait until the final lesson of the month (through which they are paid), pretend everything is cool up until then, and then send them a dismissal notice.

Thank you for reading yet another one of my parent-teacher meltdown posts. I should update my other post about the twin girls and their insane father.

From what you've written, it seems to me the parents are abusive. They abuse their son by forcing him to do something he hates, and now they are abusing YOU, because you are not performing according to their authoritarian ideas of how you should be teaching their son.

They have also insulted you personally, calling into account your worth as a human being, because you are not a Mother! I am so sorry that you "...decided to take the blame..." and told them words to the effect that the boy needed a better teacher.

If Dad is an accomplished pianist, let HIM teach his own kid. Clearly only HE can meet his own demands.

As to the unfortunate son, let us hope that things don't progress to the point they did with a student of mine who also HATED taking piano lessons and was forced to do it by his parents. That boy tried killing himself at about age 12 - fortunately, unsuccessfully. It took me a while to fire this family, but it is done now. I will not participate in child abuse, and they were abusing him.

Finally, may I suggest that when someone questions your validity as a teacher, and perhaps, as a human being, because you have not produced a child, they have crossed a line which, at least in my opinion, frees you from any need to "be nice". In similar circumstances, the VERY NEXT words out of my mouth, and they would be on the phone, or face to face - no texts or emails - would be: "It is unfortunate that you feel this way. Your words give me no choice. I am terminating lessons effective immediately. Please LEAVE my studio". And, if they paid you for anything in advance, add: "I will send you a check for what is left of your pre-payment minus a cancellation fee by certified mail".

You don't have to put up with this garbage, so doh't.

Best wishes to you.

In the Chinese community, I often hear insensitive remarks like this made. In this community, making such remarks is a cultural thing, unfortunately, usually not ill-intentioned, but insensitive and rarely appreciated by those outside the community.

I disagree. It is not a "cultural" thing. Some individuals choose to act that way.

I've encountered similar people, but I don't associate with them, nor do I wish to work for them.

You can choose to hang in there if you really like the boy, but be prepared for ongoing abuse from the crazy parents.