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Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. #2743333
06/10/18 02:16 AM
06/10/18 02:16 AM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 12
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Meelays Offline OP
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Meelays  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2016
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https://vocaroo.com/i/s1fJKWdCg7wv

I'm creating a piece for the Greek God Ares.
I've finished it but it feels like something's missing especially in the ending bit.
Can't figure it out it's bugging me. I've played it so much I can't view the piece objectively anymore. Can anyone give me some input, anything is welcome, harsh criticism is best. I've recorded it on my computer and had to merge some parts together so it may sound a little distorted at times. It's very messy as well which is something I will fix when i record it live. I have a better video recorder but this is just a little layout of the piece.

Thanks in advance

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Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2745215
06/18/18 02:37 AM
06/18/18 02:37 AM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 12
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Meelays Offline OP
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Meelays  Offline OP
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Thanks for the input pianoworld, great forum

Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2745335
06/18/18 01:08 PM
06/18/18 01:08 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 34
Laguna Niguel, CA
fabrizio Offline
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fabrizio  Offline
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Laguna Niguel, CA
I like it, it is very descriptive and gives the feeling of what's referring to.

My only criticism is that probably you'd need a theme, a common theme to repurpose here and there... but other than that, well done!


Fabrizio Ferrari, Violinist & Music Composer
Virtual Sheet Music, Inc. - Classical Sheet Music Downloads®
http://www.virtualsheetmusic.com
Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: fabrizio] #2745384
06/18/18 04:57 PM
06/18/18 04:57 PM
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Meelays Offline OP
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Meelays  Offline OP
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Thankyou for your input Fabrizio! Yeah I guess I go off track a lot, I'll try to change the ending around a bit have more of a theme in it. Thanks for advice.

Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2745417
06/18/18 06:40 PM
06/18/18 06:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 34
Laguna Niguel, CA
fabrizio Offline
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fabrizio  Offline
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Laguna Niguel, CA
You are very welcome! You may also wanna try to have a more "classical" structure such as A-B-A (i.e. Theme exposition, second theme or development, re-proposed first theme with possible slightly variation). That'll give your composition a structure that the listener will appreciated smile

Keep up the great work!


Fabrizio Ferrari, Violinist & Music Composer
Virtual Sheet Music, Inc. - Classical Sheet Music Downloads®
http://www.virtualsheetmusic.com
Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2745465
06/18/18 09:20 PM
06/18/18 09:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 713
In the Ozarks of Missouri
NobleHouse Online content
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NobleHouse  Online Content
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In the Ozarks of Missouri
I thought the music fit nicely for the Greek God Ares. I must agree with fabrizio though to have a more classical structure. But I like what you composed.

Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2745689
06/19/18 04:58 PM
06/19/18 04:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2016
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Meelays Offline OP
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Meelays  Offline OP
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Thank you NobleHouse, means a lot. Thankyou for the input, I'll try to put more thought into structure I'm always getting lost in my pieces it seems. Hard for the listener to keep track of what's going on I suppose. Thank you guys for your input. In the next piece I make I'll try and follow the A-B-A format and see if that makes a difference in my pieces thanks. Also, do you guys know any classical composers that have a similar playing style to mine?

Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2745704
06/19/18 05:50 PM
06/19/18 05:50 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 6,040
Isengard
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JoelW Offline
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JoelW  Offline
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Isengard
How about write a 1 minute piece with basic form. That would be more productive to critique.

Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2745825
06/20/18 10:55 AM
06/20/18 10:55 AM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 34
Laguna Niguel, CA
fabrizio Offline
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fabrizio  Offline
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Posts: 34
Laguna Niguel, CA
You are very welcome!

Your music reminds me of Aleksandr Scriabin or Claude Debussy sometimes... a mix of chromaticism and impressionism, with some moments of near-atonality.

I also second what Joel posted above: try a shorter piece by applying the A-B-A technique, that'll give you some practice first wink


Fabrizio Ferrari, Violinist & Music Composer
Virtual Sheet Music, Inc. - Classical Sheet Music Downloads®
http://www.virtualsheetmusic.com
Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2747072
06/25/18 09:39 PM
06/25/18 09:39 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 85
Buenos Aires, Argentina
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Daniel Tkach Offline
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Buenos Aires, Argentina
Terrifying piece! In a good sense.

Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2751275
07/13/18 05:37 PM
07/13/18 05:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 12
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Meelays Offline OP
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Meelays  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 12
Thank you so much Daniel!!! and thankyou everyone. I finished the piece and recorded it. I put it into 3 movements instead of one long movement of a piece. I changed the ending quite a bit here is the final version if anyone wants to see.

https://www.facebook.com/meelays.kennedy/videos/1944978265514657/

Thank you guys!!

Re: Can I get someone's opinion on this piece I'm making. [Re: Meelays] #2757101
08/09/18 12:23 PM
08/09/18 12:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 3,340
Urbandale, Iowa
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Steve Chandler Offline
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Steve Chandler  Offline
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Posts: 3,340
Urbandale, Iowa
I'm 2:30 in and my ears need a break. I'm sure even Ares had to catch his breath once in a while, if only to strategize. I would ask you to consider the nature of war. It isn't all about fighting, there's reconnaissance and strategy, in fact war starts with planning. It would make more sense to have the first movement be about that, perhaps a fugue? Have you read Sun Tzu's Art of War?

This piece is obviously not about glorifying war and that's a good thing. I'm through the second movement and into the third. We're back to uptempo bashing. Frankly, the strongest musical ideas were at the very beginning and they're long gone. Apologies, I'm a bit hangry and your third movement has me thinking lunch would be a better use of my time.


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