Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Pianist Corner One of the worst mistakes i've ever made.

Well, I've been playing the Prokofiev for four months. The Chopin for two. I played the Prokofiev with orchestra, two months ago - it went very well, even the cadenza... a week ago, i started to re-learn it... seems like I was a bit late. The Waldstein is an older piece as well - again, I should've started to re-learn it sooner...

Hmm... as a musician, I have definitely improved a lot. As a person, I have been on the verge of mental breakdown for the last few weeks. After i've sat in the practice room for a certain amount of hours, I start looking out the window, wondering whether the ground below is far enough and hard enough to do the job.

What makes it worse is that not even those 13 hours I've spent practicing every day since this monday, have made/would make a big difference. Too late is too late.

I can only hope that I'm able to eliminate most of the memory lapses. The chopin etude will still be messy as heck.

Sorry, keystring, I missed your question. The two cases I'm thinking of were actually composition competitions where the sponsoring organization (I think it was the Guildhall in London) hired a pianist and other professional musicians to perform the music during judging sessions. One of the composers was a friend of mine and on both occasions we sat transfixed by the ease with which the pianists rendered the scores after just a few minutes to prepare. One was a solo work, the other was an ensemble piece with piano. Unfortunately, I can't remember the names of the pianists, but they didn't seem to think they were being asked to do anything out of the ordinary!

Dude, as MikeN said you really need to give yourself a break. Seriously. Playing the piano is a wonderful thing but don't get it out of perspective. There is a lot more to life. You need accept that you are human and mistakes are completely natural. I would recommend taking a bit of a holiday if you can. Just put it all to one side and don't think about it for a few weeks. Read a book, watch some movies, have a glass of wine. Honestly you need to take a break.

I'm really glad to hear your improving. I'll be looking forward to the next video/recording you post.

That said, as a person who has dealt with an anxiety disorder wreaking havoc on my life for the last 10 years or so and having just last semester spread myself far too thin to the point of contemplating suicide just so I wouldn't have to deal with my body going haywire, I have ask why your doing this to yourself? I understand wanting a career as a performer or simply wanting to do your best, but you have to know your limits. Of course learning what my limits are, and how far I can spread myself has been a huge part of my college experience. Unfortunately, I've spent a long time banging my head against the wall because I wouldn't learn this lesson soon enough. I wish you greater wisdom, and hopefully less suffering.


I'll be honest. I never practice more than 2-5 hours, so unless your doing a lot of work away from the piano I'm a little baffled as to how one can work 13 hours efficiently. My body could do it, but my mind would inevitably short circuit and my practice would become unfocused. It took me about 3 weeks of short and rather irregular practice sessions to bring the Prok back after putting it down for 3 months so I could perform it with my school orchestra as a competition prize. Mind you, I don't perform at your level though.

I can understand your dilemma with the Chopin. I find that I can learn a Chopin Etude, I'll get it to 3/4 tempo or so, and then I'll spent a month or two working on it every day until finally my body internalizes the movements enough for it to be performable. Otherwise, it's a crapshoot and I'll likely find myself miscalculating a movement and locking up during performance.

God deliver us from the unreliability of Beethoven, where any inadequacy physical, conceptual, musical, or otherwise is amplified ten-fold.

My random musings aside, I wish you the best and I encourage you to relax and carefully consider this situation once it's over and figure out just how much you can take on and how much time you'll need when it comes to learning music so that you can perform it reliably.

Remember that your own emotional health trumps artistic productivity. There's no use in having a performer who's an emotional wreck. You end up with a Pogorelich situation, or worse. You lose, those close to you lose, and ultimately the world loses out on the possibility of another artistic voice.




To Jonnyboy: Here's Svenno's Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwUM_UZP3BQlpnaQD_mtUqw

Naming standard piano repertoire pieces is not in any way egotistical if one works on and performs them at a high level, which I think a quick inventory of Svenno's earlier postings, indicates he does. Your replies have been rather insensitive to the point of seeming somewhat spiteful. This is, in my opinion, a greater indicator of your own insecurity than anything else. I'm sorry for whatever's causing this, but when anyone is so distressed to post details about their private mental state to random strangers on the internet, I'd like to think that love, sympathy, and understanding are emotions we should sooner convey if we are able... and if we aren't able silence might be more appropriate, eh?

First of all, if you are having suicidal thoughts, please, please get some help. Surely there's a teacher or guidance counselor you can speak with at your school. There's nothing to be ashamed of with seeking help, but there is not much we can do online to be of any real help.

Secondly, stop practicing for 13 hours. You are right when you say "too late is too late". Instead, accept your losses and go treat yourself to something nice. Take a walk in the park and enjoy nature, spend some time with friends or family - those that make you smile. You can't cram this stuff, and so if it's too late, then trying to cram is just a wasted effort. So remember there are things in life to enjoy, and go enjoy them after you practice for something like 4-5 hours at most. It's not worth beating yourself up over.

This is important advice, IMO, especially if you are getting depressed to the point that you feel you may be losing it. Before I stopped working I underwent some horrendous work stress and depression spirals. If I hadn't had people close to me, especially my wife, to help me through it, I probably would have killed myself with alcohol. As Morodiene says, seek out help if this is becoming overwhelming.

And, of course, nobody should practice for 13 hours. Diminishing returns and all that.

Lastly, we all obviously hate when things go wrong. I had a horrible experience in the second round of the Cliburn last year. I will say that I've recently been developing better strategies for mitigating memory lapses in real time -- things like establishing recovery checkpoints, studying the score away from the piano, making sure that I'm familiar with every detail of the harmonic or tone set basis of every passage, making sure muscle memory doesn't dictate the performance, etc.

You are a really good pianist, mate. I would lay heavy odds on you coming through this intact and the better for the experience.

Take care of yourself.

This is a crazy time of year for all students for sure.

You know, some people really thrive on the 13-hour days of intense cramming right before a big performance, and some people find it stressful and don't get the results that they like. Sometimes it takes a few years to figure out which you are. I didn't really figure out how I needed to prepare for a performance until my 30s (and for me it's basically the opposite of cramming!)

Congratulations on the music that went well. There was probably more than you think that went well. I hope a lot of the recently learned material gets more performances over the next few years so it can mature. And next time a big performance is coming up maybe try adjusting the preparation process a bit and see what happens.

+1

If you watch baseball players when they're going up to bat, they go through this whole little routine before stepping up to plate, and they go through it each time in between swings as well. If something disrupts the routine, like the pitcher throws to first base to catch someone stealing, then the batter steps back, does his little routine, and then is ready to swing.

This is a microcosm of what I think every good performer does. Over the years we find out what tactics work best for us, and it's based on performances that went well and those that didn't go so well. We learn about ourselves and what we need to feel secure in a performance. So maybe a little reflection on the good and the bad performances you've had and what the days leading up to them looked like will help you put the pieces together.

Things like how much sleep you got the night before (or the night before that), your emotional outlook on the performance itself, maybe how you felt about the music or the venue, if you had a chance to practice on the performance instrument or not, how long you knew the music you performed and if you had performed it before, if you ate full meals before performing or had a light snack - all of these things and more can influence how you perform, and they are highly individual. So the important thing is not necessarily which you prefer, but having a routine that works for you and then ensuring that you stick to that routine, even if you get thrown a "curve ball".

And just right now do keep in contact with us Svenno. People here care. If you go quiet for too long I feel a little uneasy.

I think many of us here would echo the same sentiment, You have reached a high level in a short amount of time. Take pride in what you have accomplished and let us know how you're doing

Sorry for disappearing for a while... I know that some of you here do care, and I'm really happy about that.

I feel horrible tho.

I wanted to do a successful recording (with my phone, didn't want to bother our school technician with this...) of the Chopin etude. I failed. Something always happens - in the same few passages. I can't f****ng believe it. The Bach is fine, even the Beethoven is starting to come along... but the Chopin will be my doom on monday.

Hey, be encouraged! Still sounds like a vast improvement over what you said formerly.

Yikes! Are standards so high over there that a flubbed passage in Winter Wind would be your undoing? I feel like you'd have a hard time finding a pianist who doesn't have an issue in that piece...even among the famous.

Keep us posted about how it all goes.

Here is a great Chopin pianist - possibly the greatest who ever lived - who shows us all how it should be played :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhFO7LxR4K8

Oh boy, at first I thought, " Whose feathers am I about to ruffle?"

Then I clicked, saw the name, and I'm happy to say that's exactly my point.

Now I'm off to hear just how many passages Cortot flubs while likely conveying one of most engrossing conceptions of the piece you'll hear.

Edit: Saw this in the recommendeds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTKVeEYSp9U

Funny how so many great artists from that era probably wouldn't pass first stage in today's competitions.

That's wrong, actually.

They wouldn't get into the competitions.

I stand corrected.

Good to hear from you Svenno. Winter wind is brutally, brutally hard, don't feel bad at all. And that Cortot recording is all the evidence needed (great clip bennevis).

You are a very promising pianist and I think most of your issues now are from stress. You worry so much because you care so much. If you can, try to think about the times you have played these pieces better and somehow find a little more positive mentality. Then you will play much better even with no more practice. Eat and sleep well and get some fresh air during the weekend. And even if you fail remember there's always another way if you want something enough and are willing to put enough effort. One bad exam will not shut all the doors.