Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum Update on my quest for special needs help

I called the mom on Tuesday, and began the conversation by complimenting the student's improv abilities and her obvious enjoyment of improv. I also suggested that at some point, she look for a teacher who could work with her child to expand that interest, offering her names of 2 very good teachers. I then asked for her input on how to handle the mini meltdowns that occur when I attempt to assist or correct. I was very interested in whatever she could suggest. She said she would think it over and get back to me. Lesson was on Wednesday. I still have not heard from the parent. I was hoping she would offer insight into any special needs, but she clearly wanted to cut the call short. This has been the pattern for the last two years. I suspect she talked to the girl, and can't say it made a difference, b/c I am handling the lesson differently. When she comes in, I let her play on the piano, and when she is finished, I ask her to sign in and get her books out. I do not stop her when she's playing to comment or correct. I think this is working better for both of us.

If the approach you've landed on is working (better) for the both of you, then does it really matter whether mom is conscious of / wants to talk to you about any potential special needs?

OK, she could have possibly made the past two years less frustrating, both for you and for her daughter, if she'd been up front and told you "my daughter is on the autism spectrum (assuming for a second that she is); these are the ways, based on my experience with her, in which I expect that to manifest during piano lessons; and here's a few tips on how best to deal with that." She didn't. You've had to, and may continue to have to, figure it out on your own. There are possible advantages to that, though.

Did mom act in any way surprised or indignant when you brought up the tantrums? If not, my guess is that the child behaves that way at home too, and mom knows it, but she didn't want to come to you and potentially bring your expectations for this student down by stating up front "this is a 'special' child". Alternatively, mom and child may simply not know that there is anything 'different' about her (if indeed, there is), especially if she's an only child (is she?), or she has parents on the spectrum who also do not know that about themselves. In that scenario, I can well imagine it might take mom a few days, even weeks, or months, to digest what you've said on the phone and draw appropriate conclusions from it (or not).

If I were you, the next time you really have a problem with this student in a lesson, I'd talk to mom again, and remind her of the question you asked about how to deal with tantrums. But until then, trust your ability to deal with this as you go.

I'm happy for you and the student that it seems to be getting a little better, by the way ...

Does she even know she's on the spectrum, or has she been told and is in denial? I'd be surprised if it's the former, and most likely it's the latter. All you can do is suggest that her daughter be tested for these things and be as caring as you can when you relate it, so the mom doesn't feel "judged" or defensive. Then hope for the best.

Morodiene, given the fact that it's been a week since my conversation with the mom (and it isn't the first time I've talked to her about the issues I've observed. (agitation and anger whenever she makes a mistake, inability to concentrate if I talk, meltdowns, lack of confidence) I don't feel comfortable discussing hand flapping, etc. It seems the mother's response is to speak directly to the child, and avoid more conversation with me.

Saranoya, the mom did not act annoyed when I spoke to her. My reply above to Morodiene may answer some of your questions.

I have a feeling they are aware of the child's possible special needs, but do not wish to acknowledge it with me. As has been the pattern in the past, lessons will improve temporarily.

I would proceed to teach her with the assumption that she is on the spectrum. Hopefully your efforts will make more than a temporary improvement.

Morodiene, I've taken heed of the suggestions given on this thread. I realize that I have to stop focusing and fretting over covering as much material as possible in a half hour, which contributes to my impatience with students who have to be told at every lesson for 2 years to take out books, stop playing while I'm instructing, etc. I completely understand young children, but I have a 16 year old that has to be told every week to take out his music, otherwise, he would sit there and do nothing. Sometimes, I will ask the student if they plan to play from memory? We laugh and out comes the books.

One of the reasons I stop students during a piece (not all students, only those who really seem stumped or lost) is, most often they don't remember if the tempo was not even, or if they played wrong notes, or some deny it. But another reason is that, IMO, it's more efficient to let them play the piece first, then second time around, stop when mistakes occur. Again, I feel pressured to be as efficient as possible in the lesson. I have to let go of that feeling with the special needs students and work around their needs.

If parents aren't ready to hear a diagnosis then it is very unlikely that a diagnosis will improve the situation. Even if the parents are ready, a diagnosis might not be helpful.

The kid's needs are not going to change based on an evaluation by any sort of professional (or any group of strangers online). There are indeed valid reasons for obtaining a medical or psychiatric diagnosis or a psycho-educational evaluation, but for piano lessons, it seems to me that it is just as well to TRY something and if it doesn't work, try something else.

This is very true. In fact, most of the time parents will not tell me there's any diagnosis. Most of the time, I can guess from the signs, though, and I respond accordingly.

I had a student who was ADHD and one day he was just all over the place and I asked him, "Did you take your meds today?" and his response was, "How did you know I'm on meds?" I wanted to say, "Well, now I know," but I just smiled.

I think there is a stigma associated with special needs and so even the kids learn to not be to open about it. Our job is to teach, and if we don't feel up to the task with a child (and there have been some who I found too difficult to deal with), then we should pass on teaching them.

Morodiene, what I've noticed is that the children with the more serious needs are the easier ones to teach. It's the students who are on the borderline that I have more challenges with. They are usually very bright, but want to control the lessons and either don't listen to what I am trying to teach them, or just choose to play the way they want to, e.g., they play too loud and abrasive, or use horrendous fingering or technique. I pick my "battles" with these students, but I cringe to think of what their next teacher may think of their former teacher.

I wouldn't use the term "serious needs" and I don't think being easy to teach is related necessarily to severity. Instead, it is useful to consider which developmental domain is affected by the needs. The hard kids usually have problems with behavior and social skills.

It is generally easier to support kids with cognitive, communication, motor, and/or medical issues, especially when they don't have behavior in the mix.

malkin, I really hesitated to use the word "serious". I am referring to students who cannot communicate verbally, and generally have behavioral issues that I find challenging to work with..

Yes, this sounds pretty serious to me. However, I think if the cognitive things are addressed properly and boundaries are clearly defined and enforced by you, then the behavioral stuff may clear up as well.

Is communication necessarily verbal, and how much are verbal things needed in piano playing?

Keystring, good question. First, when I mention verbal communication issues, I mean that the student rarely speaks more than a hello and goodbye, or "play again," and seems to have difficulty with speech in general. Verbal communication isn't necessary on the part of the student, but helpful to the teacher. When I am demonstrating or explaining, it's helpful to have a student acknowledge verbally that they understand or to be able to ask any questions they have. Her mom has advised that when concepts are presented mathematically, the student understands. A nod of the head would be helpful, but there is little response. Sometimes, she gets very agitated if she makes a mistake or her mom instructs her, she will sit for long periods not moving, push my hand away, or scream.

If this student is on the spectrum, then you will have to tell her precisely what you want. I.e. if you want a verbal acknowledgment, say "Please say 'yes' / Please nod." if you understand.