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Very interesting postings here, and on the Piano section (ie, Real ones lol) concerning certain recent trends. Amusing too, if it only shows the futility of intelligent people`s thinking. I`m not guilty of this; you can make up your own mind why this may be so . . .

DP forum.

The latest DP`s offer 128 note polyphony, sympathetic resonance (string and soundboard related) 88 note individual tuning with varying velocity strike levels, all sampled from the "real McCoy" as it were, even at the lower end of the market in some cases. Very impressive theoretically, and rhetorically. Many will bite upon these irrisistable cherries especially when the package is wrapped in a nice shiny lump of MDF (veneered).

AP Forum

Here we have, ladees and gennelemen, the Latest in Acoustic Piano Advancement, (APA for short). Brought to you with much research and technological expertise (Why use one word when a dozen will suffice) -

Non Progressive Acoustic (hammer) keyboards! We fully take responsibility for the fact that the heavier weights at the bass end were due entirely to the need to situate the key hammer in the correct position striking the string on a 9 foot Grand. So the key had to be 2 feet 6 inches in length in order to facilitate this! But modern materials obviate this any longer so you have a cracking instrument at ONLY £1500 extra . . .

And, just supposing this aint enough, we have the . . . (Drum Roll) . . . Fazioli!! A piano without the usual cacophany of internal related or unrelated resonances associated with lesser top end pianos! Genuine Italian flair (some components come from China, sorry about that)

But, THIS is the future! . . Super lightweight carbon fibre keys, soundboards, frames (which give a more mellow sound than the old fashioned steel ones, and can also form the basis of an award winning cycle for the Tour de France given a few tweaks here and there . . ) . .

And, still more, we have electronically operated striking mechanisms in order to utilise the finest most delicate nuance imaginable and playable (the winners edge), which wooden clumsy antiquated stuff simply cannot handle (we`ve been a tad naughty selling this old stuff to you unwitting nice people in the past, but the financial aspects have to take precedence, business and all that, I`m sure you undwerstand . . )

And since suitable wood is not always sustainable in today`s fast moving eco-society, we feel sure you`ll also understand if all this marvellous new technology is encased in the best modern synthetic materials (plastic) available at the moment which can be loosely described as "Polished Ebony". You will be saving the planet, after all.

So stop bloody moaning, you stupid . . . . you must realise that . .

Things that go round come round!

I'd like to request a refund for those last three minutes please...

The beer was particularly good tonight . . .

"Eeeeeeeh?" would sum up my impression quite nicely at the moment.

Always amusing ....