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Recently, I received a SMS from a student who said 'I would like to stop piano lessons for the time being" It's only 1 month (4 lessons). Is this SMS a subtle way of her actually saying that she doesn't want to continue lessons with me anymore?

As a relatively new private piano teacher, I find her SMS too sudden. A portrait of the student: 16 year old girl... owns only a digital keyboard at home which was given to her by her church friends... said that she wanted to take grade exams in the future.


She has been coming over to my place for lessons since she said that she wanted to touch a ’real piano'. She lives near my area. She's also the first student who comes over to my place to learn.

A general description of how she was during lessons: lack of' finger strength' because she has been accustomed to the lighter touch of her own non-weighted digital keyboard. IMO she is quite nonchalant since she came with relatively long fingernails even though i told her the dvantage and importance of trimmed fingernails during the first lesson.

Since I collect fees per cycle of 4 lessons, I feel from this that she was trying to finish up the 4 lessons before breaking this piece of SMS news to me. (She paid upfront since she was coming over to my place).. what is most surprising was that I didn't see the cues that she might be potentially uninterested in continuing. The most 'obvious’ cue would be on the 4th lesson, she appeared to be recovering from a flu and thus said she 'didn't practise much' as she couldn't play the small exercise in her Alfred book.

The last thing I said to her was about what she would be expecting in the future with Regards to grade exams.... the 3 exam pieces... scales... aural...and the potential need for her to consider getting a 'proper' piano in the near future... I wonder whether I have 'scared' her? however, I said these out of concern for her... since I felt that she might have enrolled for lessons without considering all these factors...I remembered asking her during the 2nd lesson whether she would be considering getting a piano in the future... and she said no..but she 'wanted to take the exams’...

Or to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she has programs on... thus she cannot commit.... maybe I shouldn't have taken this student at all.

Committed Vs non-committed students...

Please comment and share your stories of committed VS non-committed students... how to recognise cues of a potentially uninterested student who is quitting especially for beginning piano teachers as I feel that it is a waste of time for both parties.

It could be a monetary issue (most of the time it is when canceling lessons last-minute). I would call her - a text is no way to cut off lessons with someone. You were planning on using that money to pay your bills, and now all of a sudden you won't have it. Do you have a written cancellation policy? If so, perhaps you need to remind her of that. Canceling by text is a very immature and disrespectful way of doing that. Talk to her and let her know that it's Ok to be honest with you and to say something face to face - it comes across much better that way, and it's the adult thing to do
(even though many adults don't do this either).

As for identifying whether or not they're serious, it could be that she liked the idea of it but didn't realize the work involved. Perhaps she thought she'd be up and running in a month, playing the pieces she hears on youtube. I don't think you "scared" her, I actually think that this is an issue that most kids have these days. They have a hard time understanding that things aren't immediate, that there's no short-cut, that is takes years to develop the skills necessary to play even intermediate pieces well.

I do try to explain these things in the initial interview (that I don't charge for). New students also commit to an 8-lesson trial period. I tell them what will happen in those 8 lessons, and anything less than that does not give them a good picture of what piano study is all about. They are to pay for the first 8 lessons upfront, that way it truly is a commitment and if they aren't sure they can do that or want to, then I invite them to continue looking for a teacher.

I suspect that noncommitted students outnumber the serious ones by a very large majority.

I suspect that a beginning teacher cannot corner the market on the serious students until he/she has earned a reputation for doing well with them.

I am not so sure that the enrichment student IS wasting their time or their teacher's time. But that's an argument for another thread probably.

Non-committed = those with keyboards, teenage beginners, those who won't cut their fingernails.

Don't worry you didn't see signs. There are better students.

Thank you for your replies. Really appreciate it.

I have tried to call the student just to find out the reason and a chance for her to be honest and explain but to no avail as she didn't pick it up. I also feel that it would have been polite for her to at least give a phone call to me instead of the other way round. If I were her as a student and not interested in continuing with lessons, I'd have given a courtesy call to the teacher asking for a lesson cancellation. The sms is 'cold' and uncalled for. It's like initiating a breakup via an email/sms. The total avoidance... How would I describe it... Just doesn't feel good at all.

I guess this is part and parcel of a the piano teaching line where they will be students who are just a 'touch-and-go'. Perfectly normal?

I have to say that I'm glad to have a committed student who is progressing at a remarkable pace. This sms incident is the first for me (the record shortest lasting student) and a lesson for me to be able to spot such potential situations. I believe hardly anyone would like such a 'touch-and-go' student. I would avoid students of such profiles in the future as I don't want to just teach for the money as this is after all my sideline.

Clue #1: she is sixteen.

Clue #2: she seems to handle tuition payments by herself, versus parental involvement.

Clue #3: she received a lecture about her appearance (fingernails) at her first lesson.

Clue #4: she received a lecture on the inadequacy of her home instrument at her second lesson.

This was a brief bad marriage. And then it ended. Via text message. Poof.

You could send her a note wishing her well.

Only about 10% of the students I've ever worked with can be considered "committed," and I'd say that's high compared to most of my colleagues in this area. The truth is most kids can care less about piano or any other academic subject area. If it weren't obligatory, most kids would choose to quit school, too. What percentage of school-age children enjoys homework?

I must say I have taught students beginning in high school and have had some success with it. Usually, however, the parent was involved and there was an actual piano at home to practice on. So, I guess you can chalk it up to a learning experience.

It's a shame she didn't respond to your phone call, but not a surprise. Usually when I get a text from a student that is something importnat that really should be done in person or at least speaking over the phone, I will usually respond with "OK" and leave it at that.

Something else to consider: Why would a student know how to correspond with her/his teacher by eMail or text messaging? Why would that ever be encouraged?

Ed

If she got a digital keyboard as a gift from her church friends, maybe that should have been celebrated as wonderful that she has people who care about her that much.

There are things one can teach and help with even with a digital keyboard (and at this point I don't know whether it had weighted keys or not - maybe not, if her friends gave it to her and didn't know the difference, much less have much money to invest in a keyboard), and later she could have been encouraged to save for an upgrade, which she would probably have wanted anyway, and, if she was indeed paying for lessons herself she could have been congratulated on that, too.

I hope she finds a teacher that will work with her enthusiasm and help her along with what she can do at this time. I hope she doesn't think everyone thinks she's a loss with what she can manage now.

Cathy

Text messaging requires no prior agreement or encouragement: if you know someone's cell phone number, you can send a text message.

Sad. I guess that teachers' cell phone numbers need to be kept private too, then, especially from new students who have not yet proven their willingness to communicate in real ways, one-to-one.

A teacher's business phone might be a cell phone, not a landline.

I see the problem. If I were teaching, I would certainly solve it, along with the 50,000 other little issues that need fixing.

How do teachers do it?

I don't see that text messages are the villain here. Some things the teacher might want handled face-to-face, and the student (or parent) would phone or send a letter instead, or would handle the face-to-face interaction badly. So even with old-style communications (and once upon a time the phone itself was new-fangled) there's room for the communications to be screwed up, or not done the way the teacher thinks they should be done. Sometimes the student (or parent) doesn't even say anything, just disappears. So at least a text message is some sort of contact and information.

I expect a massive change over the coming decade or two in what people use as their regular modes of communication, and what people consider to be sufficient and reasonable communication. Changes in communication have surely happened periodically ever since writing was invented, and will continue to happen.

Not sure how to say this tactfully.

How dare this evil dishonest excuse for a student not meet your expectations?

Nah, that wasn't it.

er, do you see maybe that your choice of emotional and judgemental language reveals how massively you've overreacted?

Nah, not it either.

I'm struggling a bit here. The way I see it, this student acted very much normally for her age, in fact possibly a bit more maturely than many. Text messages ARE how they communicate now. Most drop without telling you why, they just disappear. I'm not sure why you're so angry. I get how unexpected this was for you, and understand your first time may be a shock. But not everybody is going to appreciate your skills and your efforts, and you don't have to let that affect you. You are upset because you decided to be upset, not because the student behaved that way.

Enjoy the committed ones, and for the less serious students, take the cash if you can stand them, dump them if you can't.

It wasn't a break up.
You weren't married or even 'going steady.'

Have you ever rescheduled a dentist appointment? Or chosen a different hair salon? People do it every day.

Clients come and clients go; it is the same if you call them students.
Mary Poppins asked "What would happen to me if I loved all the children I said 'goodbye' to?"

You don't have to love them all; you can though, it is all ok.

Nope, I'm not angry with her. I just feel that a courtesy call would have been better. Take it this way, what if I didn't read the sms or don't have a habit of doing so? At least, she dropped a note though and I can at least appreciate that. During the last lesson, why didn't she bring it up? Was she afraid to bring it up? Did she feel awkward to bring it up? Was she still considering at the point of time? Or was I not approachable or close enough for her to feel a need to tell me face-to-face? Or she had a sudden change in plan in her schedule thus the sudden cancellation?

On another issue.. Since she decided to cancel the lessons, wouldn't she feel that I should at least know the reason? On the other hand, maybe 'it's not my business'?

Why I likened this issue to the 'breakup via sms' because this kind of 'cold' and 'avoidance-like' syndrome is becoming common. Ok, how to describe it... I'll just list out another scenario. (Maybe the breakup via sms is a little too dramatic lol. A relatively important matter settled via an sms. So, now how important is the 'important' here right now. ) Now, it's not uncommon to see a whole family at a dinner table using their smartphones and tablets and communicating via technology rather than really talk at the table. Though a phone call is not much better because it's not face-to-face, at least it is not so 'cold'. The mode of communication here of cancelling the lessons... So is it perfectly normal for a teenage kid or anyone to initiate a cancellation via sms? Is it acceptable? Would you accept it?If yes why, if not why too? So, it's becoming more acceptable now?

Some of you must be wondering how she got hold of my number. I advertised on a website and my number came with it. How she engaged me was also via the phone. To put it, the phone number is my business line. I would like to keep my phone number 'private' too. Actually, this phone number I have is my secondary number. So when people call, I know they are purely approaching me regarding piano lessons only. I switch if off when I'm working (at another job) as piano teaching is my sideline.

Pianolism,

I hate going point-for-point with anyone, but your last post is absolutely pregnant with material! I completely agree with you that this avoidance-like behavior is ever more prevalent. There is the Avoider, and the Avoidee, and we need to look at what exactly makes each play her/his part so easily and well

You start to explore some of this yourself:

I now agree with those who have advised you to simply shrug this incident off, and to move on. However, you raise a very important sociological question here. The Answer? Things are as important as you make them. In a relationship with another person, or persons, YOU set the standards for what is important to you, just as the other(s) set their standards. There develops a common understanding of what is important to each.


Not at MY dinner table, ever.

There is a huge difference between “real” communication, standing toe-to-toe, or talking on the telephone; and the world of messaging, where ONE person sends something, and considers that communication. In real communication, I can see and/or hear you. There is a real-time give-and-take. You say something, and I respond. I ask a question, and you answer. There is no delay. We are both “on the same page”, and if we are not initially, then eventually we arrive there. I see body language and mannerisms. You hear nuance and voice inflection. It is up-close and personal - it is REAL.


Only if YOU let it be normal and acceptable. You are the teacher, after all. And how you start out with any of your students (and their parents) will typically govern what they know is acceptable to you - what they perceive is IMPORTANT to you.

. . . but, I no longer teach, so I could be wrong.
Ed

I agree with you about the coldness of people's communication or lack thereof. I'm now referring to your general comments. I also don't understand people taking days to respond to emails. To me, that's cold too.

I'm also noticing a general disinterest in forgiving others. The Aussie dj's who performed the hoax that ended in tragedy gave a heartfelt, teary apology and the announcer questioned whether some people would choose not to accept this apology. Which people? Never mentioned. The message seems to be that apologies don't mean a single thing. Well, then why expect them in the first place? More importantly, why should anybody show vulnerability of a sort by apologizing?

As for your OP, I'd just accept that you encountered a flighty 16 year old.

There's a time for questioning to see if you could have done better. That time should only last about five minutes. If nothing big pops up in your search for answers, chances are you're okay.

I suspect we waste far too much time as teachers questioning ourselves. We're providing a very valuable service under extreme conditions. Even if we let a comment seep out that would have been better saved for a later date, can we not be given the benefit of the doubt? Sheesh.