Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum How to deal with after the fact sick policy abuse

I am always struck by how some people can be so deceitful. I have a few private students whose homes I go to for lessons. My sick policy is very clear - if I suspect a child is sick at a lesson, they forfeit the lesson. With notice, I will gladly do a make up lesson. I already had to leave a lesson once because this particular student told me he was "very sick." Now, months later, I arrive at the home, student ran upstairs to change (it was 6:30 and child was in pj's). That should've been my first warning sign. He wasn't attending his usual class that evening - second warning. Then, during the lesson, he was coughing a wet cough. Without going into too much detail, I have to be very careful about getting sick. Besides that, it's the week before the biggest holiday of the year for me. After I left, I stewed for days, and am still upset. How do I deal with this now? I want to call and discuss this with the parent and tell the parent that this is the last discussion I will have about my sick policy. Is it too late to discuss this now? Clearly, this child was sick, stayed home and yet the parents allowed me to come in and give him a lesson. I suspect they've trained him not to reveal when he's sick, since the last time he did that, I left without giving a lesson. Parent sits in the next room and listens to everything that's said. Help!

Do the parents insist you stay under these circumstances? Perhaps all they want is that the week's assignment be made available for later use.

When my kids were sick for more than a single day their schools would provide assignments for pick-up so they wouldn't fall behind.

Can you do without these people as customers? This weaselly behavior is not something I like to have in my life, or my business. Once detected, these people are flushed. They don't get to be less trouble over time, only more.

Hi chasingrainbows,

I am reminded of the movie "The King's Speech" (and book by same title). The speech therapist would not make home visits, even for the soon to be king. He felt it was necessary for the client to make effort. The therapist considered the effort the client makes to meet at the therapists studio was part of what made the lessons effective.

Your policy that the parent should recognize that their child is sick, make the decision to call you, and follow through notifying you is apparently too much effort for this family. We know that they are not willing to drive their child to your studio, and they are not willing to notify you when their child is sick.

You could bow out at this point letting them know that you are not willing to be exposed to sick students. Or let them know that if it happens again you will have to discontinue service due to the need to protect your health.

I wish you well in getting this sorted out.

I suggest it is okay to vent here, but don't deal with the situation while you're angry. And you are at this point still unreasonably angry.

If you're one of many people with weak immune systems for whatever reason, being around sick people can be risky. Unfortunately, teaching is not one of those professions where you can avoid it. You're dealing with an age cohort that has lots of illnesses. If you had only one student you could avoid him when he's sick, but with any large group a few of them are always sick.

Being a teacher of children, you will always risk exposure to whatever ailments are going around. I would suggest bringing a surgical mask with you and wearing it if you feel like your student might expose you to something. Also, you can insist that your students wash their hands before playing and I know many teachers who use sanitary wipes on the keys before and after the student's lesson.

Another option might be to use Skype if a student is sick.

I have one student who gets sick a lot, so I'm used to seeing her showing up coughing and stuff. If I enforced my sickness policy, she'd miss 20 lessons a year.

I've worn face masks, taught from the living room (20 feet away), or put a fan between me and the student and blown wind her direction (her mom did not like that, but, hey, I don't want her germs!). After she leaves, I sanitize the keys immediately and wash my hands thoroughly.

When you work with children--any children--you do get sick a lot, but you also build up a good immune system. It's much better than not getting sick at all for 20 years, and then be knocked out completely by a stupid flu (which can actually be deadly).

Seriously, you blow wind in the face of a sick child? This is worse than I thought.

It's a joke! Her mom sits in at lessons. If her mom didn't like it, would I even do it???

I noticed you have been replying to many of my posts with false accusations, insinuations, and personal attacks. It needs to stop. If you don't agree with something I write, you may express your opinion in a civil manner.

But this is not an instruction to the parents, this is information to them on what YOU will do, not what THEY should do. You might want to be more specific, informing them that you are particularly prone to getting sick and would like them to be very conservative about letting kids have lessons with symptoms. You could also list symptoms and their durations (fever within the last 24 hours, etc) under which parents should cancel lessons. Some school districts give parents long lists of symptoms under which a kid should stay at home. That is helpful and also gives teachers an objective guideline on when to send kids home.

The fact that a child didn’t go to school, by itself, is not a good indication of how sick a child is. We’ve had plenty of times when a kid didn’t go to school but went to after-school activities. Sometimes kids stay at home not because they are contagious but because the illness makes them weak. A kid who doesn’t have much energy may not last for a whole day at school, but can be fine for an hour’s lesson.

With the kinds of opinions you've been posting recently (teacher = superior, student/parent = moron), I seriously believed you when you wrote all that. If it really was a joke, good for you. I'm not going to write in a "civil manner" to somebody who seems proud of having blown wind in the face of a sick child. Frankly, none of what you said was unbelievable, based on the posts I regularly see in these forums. I made no false accusations, I've only quoted and responded to what you stated. The one time I misinterpreted, I immediately admitted it.

Tararex, they obviously expect me to give the lesson, since they didn't follow my policy and call to reschedule. AS I posted, they tried to hide the fact that the child was sick (in pj's, skipped night classes, wet cough).

Yes, I agree Jeff. Once more chance, and they can find another teacher to take advantage of.

Thanks Ann, I like and will use your diplomatic suggestions. One more chance, and I'm letting them go.

Tim, thanks for the response, but my question was how to deal with the deception? I've already left one lesson because this child was very sick. I have a clearcut policy the parents signed listing all the "symptoms" that require a rescheduled lesson. At this point, nearly a week later, I am not angry, just tired of dealing with people who are sneaky and inconsiderate for no reason. Yes, I should drop them, but I like the student.

I understand your opinion that exposure to sick children comes with the territory, but why should it? Why can't parents leave their sick kids home and reschedule? Because it's inconvenient for them? HOw about the teacher who gets sick and has to either credit their students, or try to squeeze make up lessons in? Besides that fact, who wants to be sick? I don't think it's unreasonable to ask sick kids to stay home. It took way too long, IMO for schools to finally step up and tell parents the obvious - keep your sick kids home. Why do we have to be an exception?

My policy lists specific symptoms that require a rescheduling of the lesson. In addition, I've spoken personally to each parent about this subject - I am sitting inches from the child who is coughing, fingers in nose, mouth, on the piano, etc. I can't afford to be sick, etc. If the child isn't well enough to go to school, they should stay home, IMO.

My suggestion: Retraining the parents with the desired behaviors is probably a worthwhile first step. This technique doesn't always work but is usually worth an attempt.

To do this you would step up in these situations and say: "Little johnny is obviously ill. Unfortunately our lessons agreement and health policy precludes my providing lessons in homes with sick family members." (This type of statement takes the onus off you-as-bad-guy and focuses on the policy that the parent has neglected to respect.)

Spend 5 minutes writing down the assignment that would have been that evening's lesson. (Do this not because they deserve anything but to show you're doing them a favor this ONE time in providing something policy says you need not bother with at all.) Hand the information to the policy-deficient parent while politely explaining how unfortunate it is that their forgetfulness has wasted an opportunity to reschedule. Ensure they have your phone number(s) and e-mail address to further subconsciously ingrain that it is up to them to contact you about problems BEFORE you make a visit. It's important that your demeanor be both friendly and firm.

When you get home, email the problem parents your phone number(s) and e-mail address...with a friendly "Assistance for rescheduling piano lessons" subject line.

Once parents realize inaction leaves them on the hook for payment-without-lesson for their little sick precious this probably won't happen again.

If the above cure fails I suggest dropping the student. Kids usually pick up the same character traits and weaknesses as their parents. Would you want a long term student who doesn't respect agreements?

Tararex, thanks. I think I need to take a class in how to deal with these issues. I have a hard time concealing my irritation when I very nicely have explained the "rules" before they sign up for lessons. I love your suggestions and will use it for this situation. Happy holiday!

Tararex, let me just add that by the time I added up all the factors (why was he in pj's? why wasn't he attending his usual evening activities? the coughing started during the lesson), the lesson was nearly over.

I agree with you that this case is blatantly the parents' fault. However, not all illnesses (or all stages of an illness) will display overt symptoms. Sometimes there are no symptoms at all, and the child is sick and bringing germs/viruses to your studio.

Your best bet is to boost your immune system and take all the necessary precautions to protect yourself. If you're in that situation ever again, just walk out.

You chose the word deceit, making this a moral (sin) issue rather than a practical or communication issue. You cannot succeed with a parent on that basis. You are starting off by using inflammatory terms - do you expect the parent to be reasonable after that? Unlikely.

It may or may not be accurate. Doesn't matter. Starting there doesn't work. But it takes a bit of calm self control to realize that and search for a better strategy. I think you are having trouble letting go the blame mode and getting into the solution mode.

Do you ever teach when you're sick? No, never? Well.........hardly eVERRRRR? (sorry, I've been a Gilbert and Sullivan fan since I was a child) Or do you figure if you're just a little sick you can't afford to give up the income?

I worked 8 years in a hospital, cleaning body fluids off mental patients. Exposure came with the territory, so maybe I'm not as sensitive to your issue as I could be.

Most people with a normal immune system can handle routine exposure. Some people don't have as robust a system. It may be that they are not suited to teaching, or they are suited to teaching only a very select type of student. If you fit in this category, I think it is more important than for most that you set very, very clear expectations with parents before starting. That way they have the option to seek another teacher if meeting your special requirements (in their eyes) is too onerous.

How much prior notice do you require, in order for a lesson to be rescheduled instead of completely forfeited?

Is it possible the parents were waiting for you to decide if a lesson was to take place?

Elephant in the room: if there is a policy that same day cancellations will not be made up, even for sickness, then students will come to lessons sick, or will be brought to lessons sick.

If same day cancellations are allowed, for sickness, then some parents (and even adults) will claim sickness when they need a convenient excuse to skip any lesson they do not feel like coming to.

Catch 22 situation...

AZN, yes, I realize that students can carry all sorts of potential illnesses without showing any symptoms, which is beyond my control. But when they are obviously sick, that is abuse of my policy. I go for biweekly acupuncture treatments to boost hte immune system, and was considered a health nut 30 years ago, so there isn't much more I can do to protect myself.

I ask for 24 hours notice, but do make exceptions, because I realize that students can become ill the day of their lesson. I am pretty flexible because I want to avoid at all costs being in a small room with a sick student who is coughing, sneezing, runny nose, etc.

Wear a medical mask during the lesson.

I agree. Since 24 hours notice is required, and only occasional exceptions made, students will show up to lessons sick since the parents don't want to forfeit the lesson fee.

Would you really find fault with the parent, especially in the current economic climate?

I don't. I wouldn't want to lose my money either.

Exactly. So if people don't want to be treated like that, they should come up with policies that will take care of both themselves AND their clients. If someone has to cancel with a notice less than 24 hours, if the reason given is genuine and sufficient (I'm sure people here have woken up in the morning with a headache at some point or the other), the teacher should make an effort to reschedule (and not cling on to the policy whining about it). I'm sure you can find one extra half hour slot somewhere that month, no matter how busy you are! Make sure you tell the parent that it takes a lot of effort and I don't see why they would be so cruel as to take advantage of your kindness every time and don't give you the 24 hour notice that you require even if they can. I think there is a general distrust of students and parents expressed on these forums and I think its just highly misplaced. Trust and respect has to be mutual. So I see that those complaining all the time about students tend to exhibit a certain disrespect toward students and parents (in the various postings of theirs here), so I'm not really surprised that people don't treat them very well in return. The teachers who don't seem to complain as often here seem to be overall happy with their students and parents.

I'm pretty sure somebody is going to come in here and whine "Oh but if you did that, its not just one person you will have to reschedule, it will be 20, because people are evil, and they will all want to reschedule without giving me 24 hour notice just because I bent my policy one time with that first student". That is a choice you will have to make. If that's how you choose to treat this, then people will continue trying to avoid forfeiture of their lesson fee that I'm sure they work VERY hard for. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that people can be highly sensitive and prudent when it comes to policies protecting themselves ("I have to keep a steady income flowing in, so these are some great policies") but then exhibit great insensitivity when it comes to the parents' money.

This, I believe, is the ideal attitude. I'm willing to bet that chasingrainbows is pretty happy with his/her clients and has no major complaints (except for the exceptions now and then, of course) about how they've treated him/her.

And if one is unusually concerned about illness, it might be a good idea to start looking at Skype and other technologies. I think there is some opportunity there.

Remember that besides immune compromised teachers, there are immune compromised students.

Since you offer a free re-schedule in case of illness, I don't see why parents do not want to honour your request. Did you ask the parents why they did not move the appointment and do they realize that they are putting you at risk?

If this happens more often, you could put a note in the contract that if you do not get a notice that the child is ill that there is a penalty (eg, lesson has to be paid but you leave immediately). I suppose this matches the normal penalty for missed appointments?

My policy offers makeup lessons for sick cancellations, and also states that I will not give a lesson to a child (exhibiting specifically named symptoms in my policy). This particular parent has already taken advantage once, since the child told me he was very sick as we prepared to start the lesson, at which point, I got up, spoke to the parents, reminding them of my policy and left. I suspect the child was reprimanded for telling me that. It's usually out of the mouths of babes that I learn they are sick, as this has happened a few times before with other small children, despite parents signing my policy.

I called the parent yesterday and of course, parent denied that the wet cough was from an illness, but rather from the lack of humidity in the house.

Aside from the fact that I was catching everything that came along last year, I missed 60 days of work and felt drained and ill most of the year, is the issue that these sick children are passing germs to the next students that enter the small studio.

And, there is also the issue of the quality of the lesson. I once tried to teach a child who coughed continuously through the half hour lesson. He could barely play a few notes without coughing. Parents were shopping. I finally had to suggest they find another teacher.

There's a difference between an adult who is ill and a child who is ill. I am talking about children whose hygiene habits aren't mature yet--I don't sneeze or cough without coverning my mouth. I don't stick my fingers in my nose, or in my mouth. Children have to constantly be reminded about these things.

Not if you have normal resistance. (which I suspect you do, from earlier in the thread)

But anyone with decreased immune response is vulnerable when in close proximity, however careful or careless the other person is. You're breathing the same air.

If the teacher has the same standard of symptoms that would cause the student to not attend, then the teacher shouldn't teach, wouldn't you agree?

What I'm suggesting is there might be a large potential market for the skype process among those who are immune compromised, among those who are fearful of sexual impropriety or being accused of same, of those who are very shy, etc. It's a niche that has yet to be filled, this type of teaching is in its infancy.

Eek. So, you going to drop them? If you travel to them, then there is a danger of you being used and abused by a family who have no real commitment - to baby sit.

At the end of the day, if you don't enforce, then what was the point of having the policy?

Sorry it's come to this. Some clients are just rubbish.

Having a handwashing policy (both instructor and students wash hands at start of each lesson) would probably help.

Chasingrainbows, I also was disturbed by your use of the word "deception." I don't think you've demonstrated that the parents were actively attempting to deceive you. A kid could be in pajamas for many reasons. A "wet cough" does not mean that a child is actively ill; it could be allergy-related, or it could be the aftermath of a virus where the child is not contagious at all.

If the child was not running a fever and felt healthy enough to take a lesson, it would not occur to me as a parent to cancel the lesson. If you want your students to cancel lessons for any cough or sniffling whatsoever, you need to be very explicit with them, and you need to state it in those terms. ("If your child is coughing AT ALL, you must cancel the lesson.") Simply telling the parents that they need to cancel for any illness is not--as you have found out--practical, as people define illness very differently.

Monica, with all due respect, did you read all of my posts? If so, you would see that I already left a lesson once with the family that is the subject of my post. At that time, the child told me he was "very sick." I spoke at length to the parents reminding them of my policy. I have a paragraph in my policy that is very specific about what I feel constitutes a sick child. I also speak directly with each new parent stressing how strongly I feel about this issue, as well has my flexibility in making up any lesson that a student misses due to illness. Since this child had never been in pj's prior to a lesson, and and didn't attend his usual classes that evening (mom told me) and had the wet cough, I feared he was ill. Fool me once, I give you another chance, but twice, then Yes, you are being deceptive.

Many of my students are young, so they tend to forget to cover a cough, keep their fingers out of the mouth, nose, etc.

The store will not pay me if I refuse to teach a sick student who came in for a lesson. I can only rely on the relationship I've built with my families and their consideration of my one request - keep obviously sick children home. I bend over backwards to accomodate their needs, and expect at least this one request in return.

Handwashing - I keep hand sanitizer on the piano, however, I read recently that hand sanitizer does not kill viruses. Hand sanitizing doesn't protect me from sneeze and cough germs.

Pretty big elephant, yes.

In my opinion, you are pretty much offering up a loophole on a silver platter for anyone who wishes to take it. A loophole that apparently seems quite easy to take advantage of.

The subject of my post is about parents who have the opportunity to cancel a lesson (even the day of the lesson), b/c of an illness, with the right to a makeup, yet continue to let me in their homes with a sick child, or bring them to the lesson sick. I have not posted that anyone has taken advantage by calling out sick (when they may not be) to get a make up. Believe it or not, I do not think that has happened yet. And if it has, it isn't habitual and certainly I'm unaware of it.

Ah, excuse me then. Somewhere along the lines, I got the impression that parents were lying or trying to hide the fact that their children were sick?

Even so, being sick is a side effect of being a human.

We also don't know what your definition of 'sick' is. Whether or not the child sniffles once, coughs once, sneezes once or if it has to be blatantly obvious like they are hacking up a lung or sweating bullets because their fever is so high.

Please, tell me how should I re-write my next year studio policy to prevent both situations?

Why rewrite it when you could just abolish it altogether? Just teach the child, bring hand sanitizer with you and be smart about contacting the student physically. Get lots of vitamin C and eat healthy and exercise if you are so worried about getting sick.

By the way, just because you don't 'act sick' doesn't mean you don't have germs that can get you sick. In my opinion, you are being a bit too extreme here and I recommend abolishing the rule anyway.

Then for parents that call last second to claim their child is sick and can't have a lesson, make it mandatory for them to reschedule.