Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum No praise from my instructor

Every once in awhile, a student gives me a hug at the end of lesson, or a parent tells me their student was so excited to come to lesson, or just loves me. One student was allowed to take two friends to the movie for her birthday, and she asked me if I wanted to be one of them. I'm not real touchy-feely, but those things make my day!

I also have students who bounce into lessons excited over what they learned, or a piece they memorized, or a skill they mastered. Although it's not a direct compliment to me, it does make me feel like I've been praised. A student (8 or 9) just left, and as she walked out the door, she said "thank-you." That also feels good.

But I don't know that I need students to comment on my teaching, because I don't think they have the expertise to speak to it. That's a huge difference in the flow of compliments. However, when another teacher compliments me on my students - well, that's a great feeling.

We mustn't discount the pedagogical purpose of praise. I think the OP is expressing concern for the indifferent response to the efforts he/she puts in. That can make it confusing for a student because it may be unclear what they are doing well or not so well. "Praise" is actually too simplistic. What students need is clear indications of exactly what it is they are doing well. When it is specific, it is very informative. I never say, "that was very nice", sort of statements. I always say what was nice about it, and what (if anything) could be worked on. That way the constructive feedback and praise are all bundled up together. If you keep that sort of approach, you never forget to recognise the efforts the student is making, it's also self-limiting because the commentary is always about something specific so it can't become pointless "gushing". Teachers can sometimes become less communicative over time and assume that everything they think is clear to the student. Sometimes it isn't...

Yes, and the response functions both as a pleasant emotion and a confirmation that you are applying your efforts in the right places. Positive reinforcement is a cornerstone of learning. It's also very important for people who can't see the bigger picture of where the teacher is heading.


I do go primarily off the results I see in the student. I'm not particularly needy of praise from students but I do notice and enjoy it when a student says, "Thank-you, that was a really helpful lesson". I do find it motivating to try and reach for that standard next time.

I think this speaks to the nature of any interpersonal relationship. Recognition of the other is important. Failure to do so can result in a breakdown of relations because it leads to feeling unimportant/irrelevant/taken-for-granted.

Excellent points, ando.

Wow, thanks to everyone who has contributed to the conversation. You have given me a lot to think about, and while I generally agree with what ando had to say I am not sure if finding another instructor is necessarily the best solution. Any suggestions for how I should approach my next lesson?

Maybe you could request more feedback in general - rather than specifying that it be more encouraging. If you simply said that you would like more comments on what is working and what isn't, you may actually find you get what you need in terms of encouragement.

I was actually thinking the same thing, but instead of asking her to generally provide more feedback I was thinking I might try and ask her explicitly during the course of the lesson.

e.g. What did you think of that? How was that? In your honest opinion... etc.

I would recommend putting more emphasis specifically on getting feedback about what polyphasic is doing well. The gap being expressed is about lack of feedback about positive stuff, and I don't see any reason not to put the emphasis on exactly that.

Much of polyphasic's emphasis in this thread has been on "how hard I worked" -- and I think that's too narrow to focus on. But IMO nothing wrong with putting it in terms of "I would really benefit from your telling me more about what I'm doing well."

The fact that kbk is actually a nice guy is one of the best-kept secrets on PW.

-J

i know he's nice. (kbk)

Polyphasic - wouldn't you be uncomfortable 'asking' for more positive encouragement? Some people are not effusive with praise.. that's ok. ..and if you need more encouragement you should find another teacher. I blanch sometimes when I realize how 'negative' my comments seem. There are so many problems to address and suggestions to make. I do however get very excited about a large amount of progress.

You seem really uncomfortable. One thing that you might consider is that lesson time is generally very short and there is not much time for chit chat and small talk. Maybe she assumes that you know that she is proud of you. I don't know. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

What is it they say? - naughty but nice?

My husband says he married me because I was the first girl he'd ever met where he didn't have to guess what I was thinking. (Don't know if he regrets that now....)

Anyway, if I were in this situation, I would probably just speak up. Say, "I can't see your face when I'm playing, so I can never tell if you are in excruciating pain or what while I play and it's making me feel kinda insecure. Could we take a few minutes and talk about what kinds of progress and/or problems you are seeing?"

If the teacher then outlines a bunch of problems, then I'd say, "Am I doing anything right?"

The issue, I think, is to present it straightforward, but not too needy.

That sounds like a great approach Lollipop.

polyphasicpianist, from reading your posts, I'm not quite sure what you are looking for. Is it appreciation from the teacher for having practiced so diligently? Praise for how well you are playing? Recognition that you are working hard? Feedback on what you are doing well or at least better? All of the above? It seems that all of these have been mentioned, but they really are quite different things. Maybe thinking about which of these is most important to you will help you figure out how to proceed.

BTW, the only one that I find really important is the last one, so that I know that all my work is moving me in the right direction.

I don't think praise is what you're looking for, but rather, confirmation that you are progressing with your studies. You shouldn't be looking for appreciation for your work. You work solely to improve yourself, not to impress your teacher.

The fact that you do not know how you are progressing suggests several issues.

Perhaps you should express your frustrations about the lack of feedback you're receiving. Perhaps it's semantics and your teacher doesn't express themselves well in that regard and both of you can work toward improving the feedback mechanism. Perhaps it'll come down to "When I say 'next' that really means you played it very well, so well that I and have no comments to help you improve." I'm guessing, of course, but you will never know unless you have this necessary conversation with your teacher.

More importantly, I also think you need to look from within. Ask 'yourself' if you are progressing. Surely you have 'some' expectation of what your hard work should achieve. Are your results (over the course of weeks, months or years) falling close to that expectation? If they are, that's all that matters. If they're are not, are your expectations too high, or is your progress to slow? Only you can answer these questions.

Hope all works out well for you, regardless.

haha That, I think, is a good summary.

To MaryBee and Akira: I don't think it's so mysterious. Sounds to me like it's mainly looking just generally for some positive reinforcement and personal recognition, which I think for most people has worth in and of itself, aside from any concrete aspects within it.

I'm for it. I benefit from it, and I give it when I can.