Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum Article: Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior to Western Mothers

Prof. Chua claims that she would not accept nothing but "#1" from her kids, the results did not quite back up her on that.

Her elder daughter won a second place at a minuscule local competetion, her younger daughter needs weeks of drilling to put her hands together to play The little donkey. They are both lovely girls though.

If the kids have the talent, a little push may help them to the top; for a kid with mediocre talent, her method could ruin him/her for life.

I agree with you here 100%. But many parents aren't concerned with what's best for their child - that is, they're concerned with what they think is best which usually translates to make good money at all costs. I also wonder how much of this 'strict Chinese parenting' has a hidden agenda, i.e. take care of me, the parent.

Got a problem with that?

Not me personally, but I don't believe it's a child's duty to take care of the parents. That is, unless they want to and don't feel obligated due to guilt.

That's just a variation of the old trick: Set really high standards and settle for results that are close. For example, if you set the bar at 100%, then you'll get some 94% or 93%, and you'll just live with it. On the other hand, if you set the bar at 70%, you get what you deserve.

In my experience, I've dealt with quite a few parents who don't even have any academic expectations for their own children! The result is predictably horrid.

I turned out alright. My parents didn't even know what my grades were (only slightly exaggerated, they did have a vague idea, enough to know I wasn't failing or anything).

Another comment on the issue:

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/evanosnos/2011/01/chinese-daughters-and-amy-chua.html

Some Chinese responses.

I don't know if this poster is addressing the suicide rates I mentioned. Those pertained to rates in the native countries (for China they vary among rural / urban, with or without Hong Kong and Taiwan). I did not specify Asian Americans.

At any rate, as I tried to say, I am not trying to build a case for a cause effect here.. It was a side note.

Just to clarify, Taiwan has never been ruled by the communist party. In fact, Taiwan and Hong Kong are probably the only places that still use the traditional Chinese characters.

[/quote]
Just to clarify, Taiwan has never been ruled by the communist party. In fact, Taiwan and Hong Kong are probably the only places that still use the traditional Chinese characters. [/quote]

Yes, agreed with you

Yet another example taken from 99.99999% of the percentile, as are those that went on to win the Nobel Prize.

Amy Chua is a professor at Yale Law School. This one fact has more to shape her world/parental views in addition to being Chinese. Not all Chinese people are ultra competitive people, but I bet Yale Law Professors are very competitive regardless of ethnicity.

One of my neighbor is a very accomplished surgeon. My son goes to school with his son, and I always notice his son is a bit stressed in school, being enrolled in every extra thing, and always trying his best to be the 'smartest' kid. By the way, he is not Chinese. He is white. I wonder if his dad wants him to grow up to become a surgeon and is pushing him hard to be very competitive. But he does not seem too happy whenever I see him.

On the other hand, my other neighbor, Chinese guy, is a Chief of Emergency medicine locally at our HMO. He's really easy going with his children and do not force them into anything they don't like. He plays video games almost more than his son, and obviously, video games is allowed at his house big time. His kids attend private school, take piano lessons, but they don't practice much, and their dad doesn't think it's a big deal.

There is not one kind of Chinese people. There is a large diversity even within a single ethnic group. Ms. Chua made gross generalization about Chinese mothers, but it is no different than to generalize and say Yale Law Professors mothers are superior. Here's another generalization - highly competitive overachieving parents have very dysfunctional children. Generalizations are often just wrong or very twisted versions of reality.

As a "Chinese daughter" I didn't think the writer of this article was being serious. O.O

I really don't like stereotypes.

I nagged my parents about learning piano, not the other way around. But my mom said that if I hadn't ask to learn piano, she would have forced me to anyway

I do have memories of pounding keys, ripping sheet music, etc, when my parents made me practise after I hadn't touched the piano in days. But my parents' threat was always: "If you don't practise, I'm going to cancel your piano lessons and sell the piano!!" So I practised. I pretended not to like practising though, even when it was fun. I was just being my stubborn self and wanted to be a difficult child.

I think parents are all different, and so are kids. My parents are strict, but even my mom and dad have very different parenting techniques and ideas...

An antidote to all this self-promoting claptrap from Chua ...

On Chinese Mothers and American Kids

Here are some things Amy Chua would never allow her daughters to do:

• play any instrument other than the piano or violin

• not play the piano or violin


Are piano and violin really considered the best instruments for "cognitive development?" What's wrong with the trumpet or guitar?

Thoughts anyone?

PS-I think I'll get this book today (on the Kindle).

I wouldn’t take such claims seriously. It’s just one mom’s preference. This mom certainly has some extreme views. I don’t know many Asian parents who would go to such extremes. If anything, I have seen in the past few days quite a few Asian parents responding to her article and vehemently opposing her views. As far as I know some Chinese parents steer their kids to avoid violin, because down the road when the kids audition for good orchestras, violin is usually the most competitive instrument.

Yeah, try something hard, like the French Horn instead of the silly violin.

I am not a Japanese. As she left out my country from the list of potential chinese (style) mom of origin, I don't think anyone practices this sort of child upbringing. Maybe in the old days when Japan was trying to catch up with Western countries in terms of military and economic might. I think this type of parenting will fade in time as general living standard of china improves and they discontinue their one-child policy (mainland china only). They are still very "hungry" and eagar to succeed. Also understand that most of the new chinese immigrants are not their average joe in china. Especially the ones from the mainland, they are selected to come here. I have a friend from the main land china. She practiced the same parenting style on her children. She was a lawyer and her husband physician. They could come here even before china adopted some westernized economic policies. Why? Because the husband was selected to study at a medical U. Parents themselves are high achievers who believe in their superiority of genes and therefore, they do believe in their kids can do better. Chinese average joe won't even try this. Now her daughter is in Harvard. She is very happy but no one really likes to be around her since she brags about her too much. Like, "I can't believe so relaxted americans are! why don't you tell your kids that grades = money. not only an each A contributes to higher future earnings but the country gives you money (scholarship, grant, etc) if you excel. it's really stupid not to take advantage of it. i know my kids are grateful now". this could be a formula for success but i say no thanks knowing very well that my friend attritues recent japanse economic decline to the relaxed standards. I own my life and each moment of my life counts. success is not everything. I am very content with my life.

oops i meant that i am not chinese in the first sentence.