Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum Article: Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior to Western Mothers

Ed--even if your post is in jest, there are so many things wrong with it, it's not funny at all.

Have you checked how many of the 320 in your chart are Chinese?

Good point. And no, I haven't checked.

I remember reading a law review article which argues that Asian minorities as a group often are over-achievers because they need those achievements to compensate their disadvantaged social status. It's from a critical theory class.

Not getting into the racial issues, I do know from observing many of my friends that a lot of over-achievers have very low self-esteem. They work extra hard to achieve external honors to boost their confidence, yet that never works out well for them.

Makes sense, except for the last sentence. What do you mean by "that never works out well for them"?

Asian Americans

From Wikipedia, it looks like there are ten (do a search on that page for "nobel"). Considering that a prize often comes near the end of someone's career, and the fact that Asian Americans have been relatively new immigrants to America, one would think that number will probably go up a lot in coming years.

Those who think that nothing is fun until they're good at it will never have as much fun we who enjoy the journey.

Oh, I see, the "Chinese Mother" is publicizing her book...
Not a book I will purchase, TYVM.

Over that long period of time, we don't know, because in the relatively recent past, depression was not recognized in the same way it is now, and the topic of suicide was much less socially acceptable for surviving family members to discuss (or even admit).

I agree that the author was trying to be provocative, and exaggerating for dramatic effect. She did have some good points about the value of high expectations. I *totally* get her point about the school play; my husband didn't have a clue what she was talking about there.

I think using suicide as a marker of dissatisfaction is problematic. Aside from the fact that mental illness can hit anybody, previously abused or not, it doesn't take into account the unhappiness of those who survive abuse. Many years can go into the healing process for these survivors. Then too, many years go into overcoming a lax parenting style that left you without skills.

In another room, another mother of a seven year old was paying for an extra lesson on how to join rh and lh for the Little Donkey, and having a lot more fun.

To the writer who was overly sensitive about racism in our replies, this is nothing like the Aryan philosophy. People innocuously discuss stereotypes about different races all the time. The reason stereotypes become stereotypes is because there is some basis of truth, albeit insufficient for strident generalizations.

There is certainly a tongue in cheek quality in Prof. Chua's article. If she was advocating discipline, hard working and stronger parental supervision then I am for them. Rote learning and drills work only to an extent, but last time I checked Hannon was not Chinese.

The problem is she took it to the extreme and lost sight to what ends her authoritarian tactics serve.

No play dates at all? No school plays at all? Aren't social skills and ability to function in a team matter?

Only piano and violin allowed? Soon we will not have any symphony orchestras? No more Rostropovich?

All As but gym class? Physical strength, agility and health do not count?

Even in the scope of academics, don't you want to figure out what is your child's particular strength? Some are better in biology then in physics, others are good in history and social sciences. If you want to be pushy, don't you want your push to be more tolerable and effective, instead of using the invariant "excoriation" technique?

Also, Prof. Chua's tactics work only if most parents do not do the same, or if her kids are inherently smarter than most of their classmates. If your children have about average IQs among their peers and all parents of their peers try to excoriate their kids into straight As, chances are your kids may not get the praise and admiration Prof Chua's kids got, they may not get straight As unless there is a grade inflation, their self confidence may not be that high, and last but not least, they will not have the opportunity to find their own callings.

ANY statement of what "ought" to be done in such a black and white way is wrong. The article is full of stereotypes and assumptions, and it deliberately uses negative emotion in a provocative way. There is a book to sell, I understand.

Some of us have raised our children using exactly the opposite approach. I would not tell everyone to do what I did. I suspect, however, that it is the sensitive and intelligent child who has a strong natural drive who potentially can be damaged by bullying. That same child might do quite well otherwise.

Lots of assumptions are made. There is one kind of Western parent (and one kind of Chinese parent). This parent considers her child to be fragile, and protects the child from difficulty, etc. Good heavens! How can there be one single mindset?

Although we are opposite in approach, I think there are some commonalities: belief in the child's strength, involvement with the child, and understanding that real enjoyment comes from a certain mastery. The difference is whether the child is pushed into it, or whether he pushes himself into it and is helped in that effort.

Getting good grades is not a sign of mastering a subject. Winning a Nobel or other prize does not necessarily show who is the greatest in what: but who has been noticed. Some of the most remarkable men and women with various abilities will never be known, while some who are by far more mediocre will be quite known.

In any case, I would rather read an article written by somebody whose children are adults. It is easy to speculate when they are young. Childhood has so many twists and turns.

I'd like to know from our Asian teachers and students.... is this how you learned piano? Is this what you experienced as a child (no play dates, no dating, etc...)?

Two things: The child with the high IQ and high potential is also the child who might be the most badly marked through such tactics. Awareness and sensitivity will be toward anything.

More importantly: wanting one's children to get praise and admiration should NOT be any parent's goal.

I think this is true for learning violin. Piano is much easier for beginners, at least you can still make good sound if you hit the right key at the right time. For violin, it takes time to be able to control your bowing (right hand) and get the pitch right (left hand position). Since my son learnt piano first and he knows what good sound should be (in his mind), he just could't make that sound and it was really not fun for him playing violin the first year. Now he is able to control bow much better (better tone quality) and the left hand positions has been an instinct (right pitch for all notes), he is really having fun playing now.

If anyone knows how to make playing violin fun during the first year or so, please do share (but it doesn't count if you consider making scratching and off-pitch sound fun.)

One need only look at the 2009 Peace Prize that was awarded to Barrack Obama vs someone less well known like Greg Mortenson. Not saying that Obama is "mediocre" in any way, just that the prize itself is also a reflection of those awarding it, not just those who receive it.

The timing of this thread is amusing. My wife just this morning forwarded me an article on the importance of "imaginary play" in childhood development and questioned whether or not we push our kids too hard. Definitely an interesting and often divisive topic.

I have seen some American parents treat their kids in sports just like the author. Yelling at the kids if they made mistakes, yelling at the coaches if kids getting pulled, year-round training with private lessons. Should I stereotype this with American parents too?

Come on guys, the author is trying to sell a book. playing dates are not allowed? None of my Chinese parents friends do that. Actually one of my neighbors (American parents) don't allow their kids playing outside of their property with other kids.

As far as why most Chinese kids get good grades, I think there are several reasons. Usually most Asian parents put great value in education, we teach kids to respect others (especially teachers) and expect they will do their best in school.

Another is the curriculum in American public school (especially in math and science), it's way too easy compared to Asian countries. Most parents would just teach their kids (1 or 2 grade level up) and give them extra homeworks.

Also the authoer is a law school professor, I am sure most college professors (Chinese parents or not) would not expect their kids to get low grades in school.

Yes, KS, only thing that I can think after reading the article is that the mom is bullying the child.

You don't see the entire picture. In the US, why would you want to teach math and science in public schools when you can make (easily) double the money and have much, much less headache working in math/science industries?? It's a no-brainer!

The union is partially to blame for this. It doesn't matter if you teach Calculus or P.E.--the payscale is the same. Years of experience and post-B.A. units of education ALONE determine your salary. Ouch.