Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Pianist Corner You ever have someone insult your piano passion?

This happened a couple of weeks ago to me. I went on a two day business trip with my boss, whom I hold in high regard. He's quite intelligent and very professional. I was asking him what time he wanted to leave the next morning to go home. If it were up to me, I would have left at 6 am to get home asap. I knew my boss would not be up for that and I was right. He said we should leave around 9 or 10 am. I've known him a while so I know 9 or 10 means 10 or perhaps a little later. Later that night we had a few beers at a bar. The conversation about what time to go home came up again and he asked why I wanted to leave at 9. I said I wanted to go home, take care of some things, and practice. When I said practice I saw him roll his eyes and I was quite insulted by it (for the next several days). He's really into coaching softball (his daughter is on the team) so I wanted to say, "softball huh, at least my passion is a little more complex than hitting a ball with a stick". Of course I didn't really say that and actually I think its cool to be a coach and play softball but he busted on my passion so I wanted to do the same to him. I don't think he realized that he insulted me the way he did.

I've very often faced a conflict between practicing and going to play softball.

(Really!)

Oh I get it all the time. Mostly by my brothers. They are all obsessed with soccer, and I just can't seem to understand that I feel the same way about piano that they do about soccer...

Here it's my father who is obsessed with soccer. And when I say obsessed I really mean it...
He hates classical music, but when I mentioned the other day I wanted to try some rags he said he loves rags...

Don't let it deter you, it pays off in your playing! I was told by a fellow music student that I was too consumed by music but I don't listen. - My fingers are plugging my ears, and I go away humming happily (Spem Im Alium, perhaps! Something to get me grounded again - as much as I'd like to send the fools with their heads in the clouds 'back to earth')

I always appreciate seeing someone who is passionate about something that requires discipline, even if I don't appreciate the discipline. Perhaps someday he'll get to hear the fruit of your labor and recognize the hard work has paid off!

Don't get me started...

Maybe it's just my overwhelming lack of charisma, but most people are pretty rude when I mention I have to practice ; they make that face, you know, the one that says "practice piano ? yeah... right !".
Not to mention the incredible number of times I've seen people's jaw drop at someone else trivial (or not) achievement, yet completely ignore the fact I work so hard on the piano ; because let's face it, unless you're playing in front of them right now, piano playing is as vague a skill as it goes for most non-musician.
Well, I wouldn't go as far as calling that "insulting", but still... Vexating, to say the less !

However, since I majored in literature / linguistics, I can tell you more about being insulted. Whether when talking about my job, about what I studied, about what I read, I often get the "get real dude" face, or the "god please stop" face.
At least, piano is an easily shown skill ; you just (...) need a piano, and with a showy enough repertoire, you're good. Regarding my major, most people will think (and tell me exactly that) "so I guess you didn't learn anything useful in the real world uh ?" Not to mention the fact that in nowadays society, everybody is a self-qualified writer / critic / poet ; I mean, art speaks directly to the soul, why would you even bother with the words when reading poetry ?
Now that's insulting.

/end rant

This girl I dated last year. Met her again as friends a year later for dinner. She asked me what I've been doing besides work for the past year, I said I've been cramming in as much piano practice as possible because my sister thoughtfully asked me to perform at her banquet in mid-October.

The girls response: "Huh? Why don't you just play a CD."


Me: "..........................."

Thankfully no... I've never had anyone be negative about my passion piano. However I have had plenty of negativity or derision about my University studies The same eye rolling thing when I say I have to go home to study. However - I've never had that reaction when I talk about practicing the piano.

+1

Answer: Why don't you come back to my place and listen to me play some music for you, trust me I play with more passion and poetry than a static CD.

Haha smooth... you can thank me later.

Nah, way past that stage. I wouldn't want her in my house, even if she wanted to. This wasn't the first time she disregarded my passion for the piano. Play for her? Maybe in the next life.

Did you ask here why she ensists on dating people when there's free pron all aroudn the Internet, right? :P haha!

I've never had much trouble with such insults, because I tend to simply ignore them!

My general rule of thumb (heh, heh) is:

Unless people have something nice or enlightening to say, screw them!

All the time, people don't understand that I can put SO MUCH time in it. And also don't get that I truly have deep emotions with the music. And when you play something, you'r just simply talented, they don't care about the thousands of hours you have put into it.

However on the girlfriends parts thats a whole different story, the sooner I bring it up, the better my chances are :p. All I have to do is lure them near the piano or guitar......

Doesn't work all the time. The only thing this girl was interested music wise was Kanye West and the sorts.

Nikolas: I'm going to rebuttal with the porn analogy the next time someone asks, "why don't you use a CD"?

True, I noticed when performing piano it really catches the attention of girls, but other than that your just a regular guy walking around that they don't know has this talent. Then again, that's true of a lot of things.


How offensive, I'm shocked people say that to you. Tell them you appreciate the subtleties of fine art. Sheesh, it's not like we adults spend the whole day on piano even if it is your major.

It all depends on what crowd you are in at the moment. The vast majority of people seem to be more into observational pastimes rather than ones they engage in themselves. Myself, I like to be part of my interest and not just watch someone else doing it. It's more challenging!

Most of the people I work with are very supportive of hobbies (arts, science, sports, whatever) because most also have various hobbies.

But I get strange reactions from people outside my work when I mention my profession (engineering) and they sort of tune out and excuse themselves...quickly.....Unless they are in a similar field of work, of course. Certainly it wouldn't help to also mention my hobbies to them! (and just on the side, I imagine it doesn't help being a woman either!)

Possibly people feel intimidated by things they don't understand. Maybe it makes them feel selfconscious if they can't relate.

At the moment I'm keeping my piano playing quite quiet, I've only told a couple of friends and a one family member. Why? Because one day, with lots of those people around me, I want to shock them by sitting down at a piano and playing something impressive from memory. The surprise on their faces will be worth it.

At the moment, of course, I'm about as impressive as an empty shoebox, but I'll get there. Everyone I have mentioned it to though has been super-supportive and quite a bit envious.

It might be (very) childish, but I *cannot* wait for that day :D:D.

Recently, I saw my aunt and one of my cousins (who is about 13). They had been told about my playing, and so I had to show them. My aunt (who plays, or at least used to) was very impressed, whereas my cousin was bouncing around all over the room and trying to press random keys.
Admittedly, you can't expect a 13 year old to be appreciative, but it was annoying none the less.

ROFL! Nice one.

Um...are you serious?? a 13 year old? I would expect that from maybe a 4 year old.

I actually love telling people that I'm a voice and piano teacher and follow up with saying "And that's my day job." What could be better than getting paid to do something you love? Most people are envious I think.

Someday he will hear me play, but now I'm more motivated then ever to make sure I'm really good before I do play for him. I'm probably entering the advance intermediate stage at the moment. I'll give it another 5 years of hard core study before I play for him.

I'm sure right now it would be impressive because most people have trouble finding middle C. Better yet, be sure you show him the sheet music as you play and then offer to teach him to play Mary Had a Little Lamb. :P

I get this from my family mostly ... and co-workers. They are so passionate about Football and sports where as I could care less about that stuff. And they think Im the weirdest person for that AND because I would rather play the piano.

I find it frustrating to be so passionate about this stuff and be surrounded by people who either dont care or dislike it.

I was telling my friend that I pay $320 a month for piano and his jaw fell on the floor. And I stopped and thought "Hmmm why exactly AM I doing this anyway? I mean I wont have a super career at this (atleast its very unlikely); I dont know what my potential is I could be at its peak already and throwing money down the drain for mediocrity (doubt it but you never know)" And then one of Chopin's Sonatas started playing (could have been anything of Beethoven's as well) and I was once again awestruck at the beauty of the piece and wished I could be at one with it and felt that the best way to truly be apart of the piece is to make it my own to master it and hopefully perform it for others and instill upon them that same sense of awe.

There was my answer! That is why I do this not for fame and inspite of potential roadblocks. I do this to internalize and make permanant the feelings I experience when I hear these pieces and so that I can be one step closer to the composer who wrote them.

AND THAT is why I dont mind that others may ridicule my passion

Well, some people just have no interest in classical / piano music. I've been trying to get my little brother interested in the piano / my playing since he was born, and he's never shown any sign of being interested. He likes to hit random notes in the basses or talk to me while I play. He's 10 now.

Actually, lots of people like to talk to me while I play. I must make piano playing seem so effortless ! Until I have to stop because I obviously can't manage both. There are also those that insist you stop playing right now (because it's just playing the piano, nothing important) to come and see what they want to show you.
Lots of people also like to use my piano as a shelf for their bags / coats...

I ignore people while I play. That usually shuts them up pretty darn quick. I was referring to the rudeness of playing while you're playing. I would tell them right away it's not polite to interrupt someone when they're speaking

Hahahahahah, I love it.

Btw, that's why I've only been dating (serious) musicians.... yeah I'm high maintenance.

I've had the opposite experience, actually. Dating serious musicians never worked out because then that meant *two* high maintenance people. My husband supports my practicing and musical pursuits even though he is not musical himself. He appreciates the hard work that I put into it.

To the OP,

I have never got that kind of response from others, because I do not proclaim to people that I play piano. What I like is my own business. By telling people that you want to do this or that, you open the opportunity for them to respond to what you are going to do. If you tell them what you are going to do, they have different preceptions about your activities....so it is natural for them to react. You may not get the reaction that you like.

Interesting point, although I'd rather have people know who I really am passionate about regardless. I think it's worse that if someone asked your friends to describe you the word "pianist" wouldn't be one of them.

People don't ridicule or insult me (they already know I'm a nerd!), but they don't seem interested. When I do play for other people who are not musicians, they are polite but bored. Some seem puzzled that I am not any better, given how much time and effort I spend on the piano. People who have never performed just have no idea how hard it is and how much work it takes. And what with all the American Idol-type stuff around, every schmoe thinks he/she knows how to judge talent.

That is becoming an increasing problem in all of society.

I really do not care what other people say about my passion. What people say does not affect me at all. I like to play piano, and nobody can change what I like to do.

This lecture is a good one.... You may find to be useful..


http://awareness.tk/

Allow me to clarify: I don't care what people say about me necessarily, but often what people observe about you might be telling about the kind of personna you project. I am proud of being a musician, and I would hope that people would identify me as such. Just like I want people to think of me as a kind person, but how I feel on the inside doesn't really matte.r It's what we do that defines us, and so what we project to other people with our actions can be telling. Are we really passionate about music, or do we just like to feel that we are?

My dear Mother, rest her soul, when she heard I was buying a piano a few years before retiring, said to my sister : "What the heck does he want to buy a piano for at his age!"

Can you top that?

Regards,

If I may ask you Bruce, how long have you been playing? And what are some of the pieces you are proud of you can play?

Just curious,

Cheers!

Piano seems to an object associated with childhood and adolescence. When people grow old, we are not allowed to play anymore and it's all about making money money money.

Luckily, I am 6'4" and an athletic 230 lbs. Nobody makes fun of my piano playing, and they always love my performances!

I read somewhere that when some people put you down for doing something above and beyond the ordinary, in this case the piano, they are jealous, and at the same time made aware of their inadequacies, so their coping mechanism is to either ignore you, or feel compelled to minimize your accomplishments, even to put you down.

When I can remember that in the heat of the moment, it has helped me tremendously when people either ignore or put down my music...it actually makes me feel sorry for them, rather than feel a need for a defense, and thus defuses the situation.

It is also helpful because my time lag for thinking up snappy comebacks is usually 24 to 36 hours afterwards.

I do not agree. It does not mean people are jealous. They are just disgusted by your hobby.

For example if you are a guy and you are into ballett and you are good. Do you think if other guys make fun of you, because they feel jealous of your ballett ability? 99.9% of them think that you are gay. If you are good in Math, Chemistry or something general, I agree with your comment. Otherwise, they just make fun of your hobby or ability.

She must know about you really well......

Same here, I don't feel the need to tell people what I like or what I do unless they specifically ask like "what's your hobby?" or "what do you do in your free time?"

Haha, me too! At like 2 am!

No, I have never encountered this; possibly because very few people know about the real intensity of my musical activity. Also, I am so dense that I normally don't register insults for days or even weeks. I more frequently encounter the converse issue of well meant but grossly exaggerated praise and equally well meant but useless advice about what I ought to be "doing with my music".

Oh yes, I also have encounter advice about what to do with my music. I tell you I give little heed to it.

It really depends though, how often do you talk to your boss about music?

lol what? That totally flew by my head. This may be the case when you're a teenager, but not so when you reach adulthood. People are jealous because a lot of them only have work as there life and they don't even enjoy the work. Not many people can form such profound passion in art and find fulfillment in something they personally love. Your ballet analogy applies to children as grown-ups don't think like that.

Now imagine your boss asking you and snickering at your response.

I get annoyed when passionate people only talk about one thing and won't shut up about it.

Then why are you here? All we talk about is the piano, then you must be annoyed? From what I read, the OP was asked why he wanted to go home early and the response was so he can practice the piano, and then the eye roll. How is that talking passionately about it and won't shut up about it.

Not too often. He has been aware that I play for some time. But he doesn't know how much. He told me, more than once, that he would like to play someday. I guess people don't realize that to play you must practice a lot and try not to miss any practice sessions if you intend to be "good". When I went on the trip with him I had already lost one day of practice to take the trip. When I returned home I had a small window of opportunity to practice before my wife left for work and I had to watch the kids alone. I'll still practice when I'm alone with the kids when I can, but the quality of practice is diminished with the constant "daddy this" and "daddy that", running around, and screaming. Nothing like trying to learn the Pathetique with Spongebob or ICarly in the background. Not that I'm complaining. I love my little boys.

I would too. But its not all I talk about. In fact, it rarely comes up in conversation. Though it usually is floating around my thoughts somewhere.

I don't understand your response.

More often than insults, I hear the "I wish that my mother had made me stick with the piano." or "I wish I could play or even "I am going to make sure that susy- q will learn when she gets old enough."

To which I usually respond, "It's not to late for YOU to start playing now, ya know!"

I also hear the question "You are taking lessons?" To which I reply, "One should never stop learning."

Parents taking lessons are always an inspiration to their children.

When people don't understand or appreciate a passion for something I love, I try to think about things that others spend incredible amounts of time, money, and effort on that I don't get either--- like learning Klingon or going to Civil War reenactments (Please, folks, don't flame me-- I like Star Trek and history but just don't ever see myself doing those things!)... it helps.

My Dad passed away a number of years ago and had always encouraged me to play the piano. In my youth when I wanted to quit, he always told me how much he regretted not learning to play an instrument. When I reached my thirties I was still taking lessons. He seemed a little concerned that I was still doing this well past my formative years. He asked me, "How long do you intend to take lessons?"

Maybe because I'm older, and most of the people I hang out with aren't particularly sophisticated, and this being the Bible Belt pianos and organs are associated with church, and there still being a living Appalachian folk music tradition, at any rate, I usually get a mummur of respect or admiration when I mention playing or practicing - -

(Except from my Russian friend who's a failed violinist and regards anyone other than a professional virtuoso with contempt - - Her comment, "It's better than vodka," meaning at least it keeps me out of trouble)

Just tell them, "have YOU made five grand at a concert? Yeah. I play piano and life's a b.tch."

Maybe because we are on a piano forum. I'm not even referring to the OP, I'm making a general statement. If a football fan is one of your friends and the only thing they talk about 24/7 is football, wouldn't you get annoyed? There's more to life than just football, just like there's more to life than just piano.

Yeah. Someone insulted me right on this forum as a matter of fact. I forget the what and the who, but it went something like ... "all you do is make tinkly sounds on the piano."

I was devastated.

+1

I was amazed that the owner of the store where I take my lessons said "I give you credit for being older and taking lessons"

I was amazed at his attitude...

But I don't really care because I do it for me.

No one else.

Exactly. I get to play the music I love, and teach it for a living, and get to travel, get standing ovations, have people wanting to take my picture with them, sign cd's, etc...and the occasional unhappy and miserable person sneers. I can live with that.

I read it as ironic - meaning, she must not know you at all.

But, mothers!! Mine went through a phase a while back of trying to get me to volunteer to go play at nursing homes (she's in one, but half a continent away from my home). I forgot exactly how the conversation came to this, but she said, "I don't know why you have to play that fancy music all the time. Can't you just play some nice hymns instead?" Arrgggghhhh!!!

People have in various ways insulted my passion for classical piano throughout the fifty-odd years I've been playing. I'm sure the reactions would have been different had I played other styles.

But since I am mostly about playing classical, and since I live in the USA, the insults usually come that vast crowd of people (apparently the majority of US citizens) who have conflicting issues with anything "cultural" or anything remotely "intellectual". It seems that the fact that I might like working on a Beethoven sonata means, ipso facto, that I think I am better than they are. It's actually kind of weird how threatened they are by any achievement outside of sports, technology, or greed.

Mine, 86 and still a handful, - "Why don't you learn something jazzy? Maybe you could get a job in a nightclub!"

Just gotta ignore them all. Do what you love to do. Some people will get jealous or some people will just insult to bring you down. Some people even say they can play what i can play but never prove themselves by demonstrating. Theres a lot of people that just don't like someone thats better than them at something. I just got tired after awhile and just don't take any of their insults to heart anymore. Just think of it as an attack because they envy what you can do lol.

I get support by the people who are actually artists and who have walked the walk. They may be way ahead of me but they respect what I'm doing and understand why I'm doing it.

It's the non-musicians who do the undermining. There is the person who hears you practicing and phones trying to get you to do volunteer work because you "have lots of time and need to find something to do." Or the person who feels sorry for you and all the work you "have" to put into it, and tries to get you to do something "easier and more fun" - AND at the same time mentions somebody younger, and how it is too bad that this person isn't pursuing music or whatever.

There was one exception: a customer who had made a fortune coming to this country, and was looking around at his "shiny things" and his life. "You are rich, and I am poor." he said. The thing about money, though, is that you can't buy a decent instrument or have lessons if you don't have money.
In any event, last I heard, this man had sold his business and is pursuing his particular passion. In some way this gave fresh perspective on my own priorities - that they aren't that crazy after all.

Yes, the owner assumes you are as unmotivated as he is, hence he gives you credit for putting yourself through a seeming drudgery at your age when you could have better things to do.

And in the other post someone mentioned people aren't as crazy for classical music in the U.S. which is pretty true... I've got to the point where I don't give a crap, after playing classical when I go to pop music, it just seems like a couple steps down... like its too simple, unworthy of attention.

I've also noticed that a lot of American's don't care for classical. Last Christmas I played some Beethoven pieces for my family. It was the first time I've ever played for my extended family, at least on my mothers side. I think most were appreciative, or at least respectful. I did have one aunt though that said, "that's nice and all but I don't really like that type of music". Well thanks for the complement auntie. She wanted me to play rag time, which I can do, but I wasn't interested. Ragtime or "popular" music is fun and people like it because its fast but they don't get the fact that classical, even slow classical pieces, are so much harder to master.

A really passionate lover of "classical" music, I don't, however, share your view that 'popular' music is necessarily steps down from classical; it's simply a different genre. I think that talented composers such as Richard Rodgers, Leonard Bernstein, Irving Berlin, Frederick Loewe, Cole Porter, George Gershwin; all have (have had) a great deal to contribute to the world of music, along, of course, with the lyricists with whom they worked.

For me, the world of music would be a lesser place without such works as My Fair Lady, Brigadoon, Camelot, Show Boat, Anything Goes, Candide, West Side Story and, to quote the King in The King and I, "et cetera, et cetera, et cetera."

And, of course, there's not just Broadway, but the songs of the likes of Harold Arlen, Hoagy Carmichael, Johnny Mercer, Lennon/McCartney, and others are not only well worth the listen; they are part of our musical heritage.

Regards,

When I needed to get a keyboard for my Music GCSE, my mums response to my dad was 'Dont get him a keyboard, because then he will want a Piano later on'

When I wanted to do Music Technology after my GSCEs, both parents raged.

When I told other kids at school I wanted to do Music Tech, their immediate reaction was laughing with mockery.

So I never did music tech, nor did I have my own Piano until I bought my own at age 24

Bruce: Your lates post REALLY shows your age! ROFL! (of course I'm kidding and I have nothing but respect for you).

And, of course, I agree. I don't think I could ever survive with only classical music. Heck I don't think I could ever live by composing solely classical music. I find some pop/rock music to be fascinating and certainly not a way 'just to make money'. Music that is worthwhile, music that was hard to create and hard to perform (and hard to digest some times).

You don't have to apologize; in my case in this context, age is a factor!

Regards,

Don't you realize before that day that playing Beethoven for people who are not into classical music during Christmas party is crazy....

If you want them to appreciate your playing, play Christmas music, make it Jazzy. If you want, I can send you two well arranged XMAS music that will WOW your relatives, and they are not too difficult too, send me a PM with your e-mail address. I will PDF the partitur for you to study, you still have 3 months to practice!!!

RS

My mother once said she wanted a daughter with whom she could go window-shopping, not an "intellectual".
Another time I had two tickets for a concert and I asked her if she was interested, but she clearly said she wasn't and that she didn't want to embarrass me.
I don't tell her what I do any more...

i am sorry to hear this.

Thanks, TheCannibalHaddock...
Sometimes I wonder how genes work considered what many have posted here.
In my case though I have to say my (real) father has always loved classical music, so at least I know I am not the ugly duckling of the family...

personally, i know noone that enjoys classical music as much as me, and have nowhere to talk about it besides this forum.
And anyway, there's nothing wrong with being an ugly duckling, afterall, it was really a swan!