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After a number of cigarette-free years, last winter I got depressed and started smoking again. The unfortunate truth was that smoking did wonders for my mood, concentration & motivation (there's a reason why people take up such a nasty, stinky habit), and as a consequence, I'd been having a great spring/summer with my music practice, super motivated, very productive, lots of progress, lots of fun.

But smoking is unhealthy, expensive, and antisocial, so I've been trying to quit. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided my local convenience store was just too convenient, so I came to visit a friend who lives out in the suburban hills outside Seattle, where one needs to drive miles to acquire anything. And I purposely stranded myself here without a car. It's actually been quite a successful strategy. I'm on my sixth day cold turkey and the intense physical cravings have pretty much tapered off. But...

Quitting has put me into a major musical slump. I brought my starter keyboard up here to practice on, but its power cord is still coiled up in my suitcase. I got some theory and other music-oriented books from the local library, which I've been perusing in a desultory way, but my brain isn't absorbing much. Sometimes I do some theory drills on the computer (my dweeby version of computer games), but that's about it. Well, I'm also wasting lots of time on the forums here, of course (BTW, y'all need to post more, because I keep running out of stuff to read... )

My friend/hostess assures me that I'm not being a cranky quitter, but inside myself I feel like a whiney little kid. My thoughts alternate between "I'm soooo bored!" and "But I don't wanna do that!" It's been so long since I"ve had to deal with motivational problems regarding my music, I don't quite remember what to do about it. I don't feel like it's a good time to take a vacation from my music, because its absence leaves a such big empty hole in my life. But I'm having the hardest time getting myself going with anything!

Not sure what I'm looking for here... reassurance that my concentration and motivation will come back someday? Interesting music blogs or sites to read in the meantime? Suggestions of easy and amusing music-related activities to placate my cranky inner child? Strategies you've used to get cranky children to practice their music? ("No cookies coffee until you practice!" )

I feel your pain, Tangleweeds, having been there many times over a 40 year smoking career. Presently going on 4 years clean, but it took a hospitalization and copd diagnosis to forever end my bad habit. What you are experiencing is just normal withdrawal symptoms. Keep drinking lots of water. Then drink some more water. Then some more. Around day 10 or so you will start to feel much much better. You will taste things and smell things (some not so nice) you didn't before. You will be a better piano player because you will be healthier. And your (non-smoking) friends and family will stop treating you like a cross between the devil and a leper. If you can stand to do physical exercise like walking right now, that can speed the process.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up, even if you slip up. Most people kick it when they finally really want to.

Jim

Aww, I just started reading your blog, and actually found it rather inspirational.

It really sucks to read this now, since I really have no advice whatsoever to help you, I really wish I had.

I guess all I can do is wish you luck then, so here it goes; Good luck, I hope you pick it up again soon, and continue on the road to becoming an amazing pianist!

I know you'll get your stuff together, I just hope it'll be really really soon!

As an ex-smoker, I don't fully agree with this. Your improvement in mood, concentration and motivation may not be directly related to smoking. AFAIK, tobacco does not improve them... on the opposite making exercise do. What tobacco may do is to reduce anxiety... but only for making you more anxious afterward, and that is the damned vicious circle. Easy to get caught into it. So, try to work on your anxiety instead of masking it with tobacco.

But I am sure you can have all that motivation and fun without tobacco. Just stay without smoking and you will get them again... it may take some time, but it is worth the effort.

If you learn to relieve your anxiety by practicing piano instead of by smoking, not only you'll stop smoking but at the same time you will improve a lot as a pianist. Yes, far easier to say it than doing it.

Anyway, remember, to quit smoking is worth the effort. Smoking does not gives you nothing valuable.

Sounds as you are trying to use your piano playing as an excuse to smoke...

Hm. The starter keyboard. That may be less than inspiring

But it doesn't seem to have interfered with your wry sense of humor

Cathy

Mark - That's true! Play a piece well and you deserve a butt! I used to do that! It's a vicious reward system.

tangleweeds - Think of it this way - if you didn't smoke for a few years, the money you save would buy you a much nicer piano. For what cigarettes cost in New York City (currently over $11 a pack) in ten years you could buy a "cheap" Steinway and the increased health benefits will allow you to live longer to ultimately play better!

In your heart tho', you already know this!!!!

tangleweeds...you are in the middle of withdrawal from one of the hardest drugs on the planet to quit.

One side effect is that right now you can't think straight. You are in drug withdrawal.

Music is a delicate thing...many things can stop it up, such as depression, drugs, poor health, etc.

But, if music is inside you, it will come back out. Being a musician is like being pregnant...in some fashion, that baby is coming out.

Many musicians (myself included) have suffered from very serious dry spells...often their cause cannot be identified.

Right now yours can.

Just put one foot in front of the other. When you get out of the immediate grip of nicotine, things will be different. Eventually, the music will be back, most likely for the better.

ps...if cigarattes did such a dramatic change in you regarding music, a doctor might know of a medication that could do the same thing only better, and w/o the health dangers, not just for this slump now, but even in the long run.

Try the 15 minute rule. There are a few different applications of the 15 minute rule:

1) when you have a craving for a cigarette, do something else for 15 minutes. Eye the clock if you need to. When the 15 minutes are up, your craving will be reduced. If not, hold out for another 15 minutes.

2) Go for a walk for 15 minutes. Make it a brisk walk, and be sure to walk at least 15 minutes. This will give your brain a boost. Go for a 15 minute walk several times a day.

3) Play the piano for 15 minutes. If, after 15 minutes, you feel bored and uninspired, you have permission to stop. But usually if you can just force yourself to sit down and play, the rest comes naturally. And if you don't feel like playing, just tell yourself all you have to do is play for 15 minutes.

4) Spend 15 minutes thinking about what you'll do with the money you'll save on cigarettes (and health costs!)

5) Spend 15 minutes planning your piano practice. Think about why you wanted to play in the first place, what pieces/songs got you excited?

There are probably other applications of the 15 minute rule, but these are the ones I know. I can't recommend the brisk walk enough!

Hang in there, you can do it!

One more thing, congratulate yourself for all your hard work!! Quitting cigarettes is one of the hardest things to do, and you're doing great so far.

Get a calendar and put a star for every day you don't smoke. For every day that you go for a brisk walk, another star. For every day you play the piano at least 15 minutes, another star. Ok, or you could put a star for no cigs, a "w" for walks and a "p" for piano.

Make sure you count those stars or marks every now and then, and report back to PW and let us know how it's going.

One more thing...

I have found that if I simply cannot play the piano, I force myself to sit and play...most often after a few minutes, that primes the pump, and I can play at least a bit more.

There is hope, Tangleweeds.

I have the most addiction-prone personality of anyone I've ever known (though luckily I've never known any hard-core heroin addicts). Basically, if I find something I like, I do it until it practically kills me. So far I've always managed to back away from the cliff before falling off, and I bet you will too. You seem like a pretty sharp cookie.

I have had in my life four addictions (four substance addictions, anyway, a lot more if you count psychological addictions). They are: caffeine, cannabis, tobacco, and alcohol.

Caffeine isn't much of an addiction, but it's the only one I haven't kicked. I still indulge in 2-3 cups of green tea daily, though there was a time during my computer programming phase when it was about 6 espressos, 3 or 4 Mountain Dews, and a handful of No-Doz.

I was also a pothead in the 70's, but then, so was just about everyone else in my age/social stratum back then. But cannabis is a kid's drug. After a while, like most people, I found it socially unacceptable to bring a bong to parties, and it's kind of hard to find anyone willing to sell a bag of weed to a middle aged guy in a tie driving a Plymouth, so I just sort of drifted away from that addiction.

Tobacco was for me sort of a roller coaster drug. I only smoked regularly from my teen years until my early twenties. After that I would go for weeks or months without smoking, then as part of an alcohol binge I would smoke about 5 packs in 2 or 3 days. Sometimes I'd smoke for a few days after that and then when I quit the dreaded "errrrrrr" feeling of craving a cigarette would kick in. It seemed to me that the withdrawal always lasted for about as many days as I had smoked, usually 4 or 5 days. Even in the few cases where I smoked for a couple weeks it was generally gone in a week. Luckily, when I didn't have alcohol fogging up my reasoning, I was smart enough not to feed that addiction. I managed to give it up completely about 15 years ago, even though the binges continued.

My main addiction was always booze. By the time I quit 4 1/2 years ago I was putting away a half gallon of 80-90 proof every three days or so. I got pretty lucky doing computer stuff in the 90's and was able to retire early about 6 years ago. Shortly after that the individual binges sort of morphed into one long one. I don't mean to get all pouty, but in that era I really had every intention of drinking myself into oblivion for 5 or 6 years, then if the booze didn't kill me I would find something else that would. Hard to say what changed my mind. One thing was something very embarrassing that I did drunk that I won't share here. Another was coming close to getting arrested (not for DUI -- I learned that lesson long ago), and realizing that going to jail in my 50's would wreck my whole gradual suicide plan.

Anyway, one day I stopped. I started doing tai chi, yoga, playing golf, and re-learning the guitar. A few months later I bought a cheap 61-key keyboard to better understand music theory for the guitar. Since that day, Sept 1, 2006, there hasn't been a single day, other than a couple of trips to visit family across country, that I have not played the piano.

I said before when I find something I like I do it until it just about kills me. Well, soon I was practicing about 6 hours a day and fighting off repetitive stress injuries, but luckily I've backed off to a healthier 2-3 hours lately.

I started piano way too late and after far too many years of abuse to ever be very good, but it's a lot healthier than my previous hobbies.

I hope you find something that works as well for your cigs -- which I'm sure you know are killing you only slightly slower than Evan Williams bourbon was killing me. Just don't smoke today, and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

Thanks for sharing your story Tangleweeds.

Unfortunately, I, too, am a smoker - albeit a "light" smoker (2-3 per day), and now, it's been 20 years.
It started in college (hard major - Engineering)....then I vowed to quit after graduating, then after marriage, then after kids.

Nowadays, I have a stressful job, and unfortunately, part of my routine with piano is taking a "smoke break" in the garage. Sucks...I know. I admit to no one that I smoke, and I have successfully quit before, cold-turkey, and then some stressful life event would trigger me to smoke again. I'm also fearful that I'll end up like you - unmotivated w/out the smokes. It really does help me concentrate too..that, and coffee...

..and to end my own shameful story, sorry, but I can't resist this -->

PS-Tangleweeds, keep me posted on your cold turkey progress, and whether you find a good substitute, and become motivated again.

How about taking up a new healthier habit - like chocolate? I've been addicted to it (the good kind - dark chocolate) all my life and have no plans of ever quitting. Tastes great and gives ya a nice little kick.

Wow, thanks to everybody for all the encouragement, and also just for letting me get that big ol' whine out of my system. I know it's just a matter of sticking it out until my brain chemistry re-calibrates itself, and then this brain-fog should clear up a bit. I'm just gonna have to live with it being a bit tedious in the meantime, though.

I really don't feel like I'm using my musical constipation as an excuse to smoke, so much as trying to analyze what I get out of smoking, in order to recognize rationalizations before they can persuade me to lapse, and to figure out alternative means of achieving similar benefits.

But I had definitely allowed the cigarettes to insinuate themselves deep into my musical practice routine. I'd practice until my concentration got ragged, then relax with a cigarette, which seemed to hit my mental "reset" button, so I'd go back to the piano feeling refreshed and ready for more concentration. I've been trying to think of some alternative strategies to achieve that mental resetting effect -- the best idea I've had so far is to get up, drink some water, and do a few invigorating standing yoga poses, or take that brisk 15 minute walk. Any other suggestions for alternative ways to break up practice sessions in order to renew mental freshness?

And at least writing about all this stuff gave me some perspective on the funk I was in, enough to motivate me to get my keyboard plugged in, and then play around with it for the first time in a week (eek!). I wasn't able to concentrate for very long at a stretch, but I got in a 10 minute session, took a brisk walk, and then did another 15 minutes. And doing it really did make me feel much better.

I'm thinking I should treat this phase of nicotine withdrawal like one of my depressive phases (which still happen, though I'm well dosed on both cutting-edge and classic antidepressants). When that happens, I plant lists of "Beneficial Activities" on my computer desktop and everyplace where I'm likely to sit and mope, to remind me to do engage in activities which experimentation has proven to raise my spirits and energy levels. When I'm in a low mood, such things no longer occur to me spontaneously, but, if reminded regularly, I've gotten pretty good at nudging myself into doing them just to break the tedium of a lousy mood.

Oh, and on the topic of drinking lots of water, I highly recommend making some "spa water" for the summer heat -- basically nice filtered water infused with slices of fruits, vegetables, and/or herbs. At home we have a special pitcher with a perforated compartment to hold the vegetable matter, but here at my friends house I just put a couple slices of cucumber, one slice of lime, and a leaf of mint into a pint glass each morning, and keep refilling it with water and ice all day long. It's very pleasant, even if one is not in drug withdrawal.

Tangleweeds, kudos to you for quitting smoking!!!

Let me asure you that I personally am very proud of you, and that you definitly are doing the right thing. It is an addiction, and therefore it is extremely hard to quit. You will continue struggling for quite some time, but the longer you manage to stick to it the easier it will become.

Let me tell you why I really want you not to smoke. My grandfather (on my mothers side) died from lung cancer. I remember how we used to take walks in the woods and how he used to teach me how to read. He was very sick for a long time, but there was nothing they could do. This is over 15 year ago. My granmother is still alive and well, and very spirited and bright, or what do you call an old person that still has a great health? And I am just sad about that grandpa is not there by her side just as alert as she is. He never saw me finish school or get my M.Sc degree.

This is not all, my mother died in lungcancer as well just a few year ago. She became only 53 years old. It was somewhat unexpected, because we didn't know she had it. She had been sick, but was not honest to doctors and just thought it was just because of work when for example her back hurt. And when she was coughing, she thought it was just another cold. Nevertheless, now I have no parents and no siblings. I was very very close to my mother, and now she is not here anymore. She will not be here when I get kids, and she will not be here when (if???) I get my doctorate.

I know how much smoking meant to her. I honestly think that she would have said that life is not worth living if you can't smoke. For us who knew her, that is a really ununderstandable perspective. WE would have loved to have her around for many many years.

These seem of cource silly arguments. Just because my mum and her father died, does not mean that every smoker will die. The problem is that every smoker believes, that "I feel well, I'm exercising, I'm sure I will belong to those who will not get any severe smoke-related illness". Most smokers probably believe that. But they cannot be right all of them...

Back to piano then! Since the forums are a good distraction, why not make the piano a good distraction as well? When you sit at the piano you need to focus on the music, and consequently must have less time to worry about cigarettes, right? Be creative, try new music, try a different gengre. Go to concerts maybe? Find someone to play duets with? Join a band? Borrow an electric keyboard and go busking? Anything that might light that spark of inspiration. I guess you will have to find a way to connect to music as a non-smoker. It's possible, but you might need some patience. Currently you brain is simply disapointed in you, because you don't provide the regular calming reward it is used to.

Wish you the best of luck! I'll be cheering for you.

Actually, that is the one and only reason I decided to quit myself. :P

I also calculated the money I'd spent on smoking so far, and realised I had practically burned a lovely grand.

Never smoked since.

Ah, yes...this hits home. On one of my many trips to becoming a non-smoker one of the things I missed most were the many smoke-breaks I got to take at work, away from the computer and phones for a few moments of peace.

So many of us use smoking as a reward for a job well done, a good practice session, a great meal, etc. ect. etc.... Smoking also gave me time to think quietly, as I was mostly alone.

Many good "processes" listed here for helping with the withdrawal, but I have found that, after thinking I have made the grade, no amount of reasoned thinking could stop me from having just 1... there is no such thing as just 1. Hard lesson for me to learn (still learning).

Good luck buddy, and try and remember smoking does nothing our brains tell us it does. It is just a relaxation technique gone ary... find another, and then post what it was so I can steal it. Like many, I need all the help I can get.

BTW, yelling at me or preaching to me is counter-productive. Nothing will get me to light up faster then a chance to shut someone up.. Now, isn't that just stupid on my part????

The money-saved incentive is a very good one. I used that to quit smoking. Marking each day on a calendar helps, too: having a physical record of your success reinforces your resolve.

I also realized that my smoking was helping to make a lot of heartless rich bastards richer. I was determined not to be their stooge any more.

As John Lennon said, Sir Walter Raleigh was a stupid git.

When you practice, you could try briefly playing easy pieces from your repertoire between sessions on new pieces and/or technique.

You can also post something on the Self-Teaching Support Thread.

Tangleweeds -

I know how you feel. I quit a year and three months ago. Nothing made me feel better about quitting, either. I didn't even get to enjoy the money I started to save from not buying cigarettes, because I kept having to buy new clothes because nothing fit anymore. Boy, did I want to punch anyone who started to go on about how wonderful it was that I was saving so much money. I had a lethargic spell myself. I recently started exercising and feel a little bit more motivated now (I would have felt like throwing something at someone for the suggestion a year ago). Find things that make you laugh hard, too. That helps. It just takes time, and since you've quit before, you know that.

I go through lapses in motivation when I feel stuck on pieces. I find what helps me is listening to pieces I love, or watching people play pieces I love on You Tube. I'm then reminded that I'll never get there unless I practice and usually that's enough. What also helps is going back through music collections I haven't looked at in a while, because those pieces might have been too hard at some point. Some of those pieces aren't as daunting now, and realizing how far I've come is usually good motivation.

Good luck!
Aimee