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I'm not a teacher, but play advanced piano. About a year ago my sibling asked me if I would teach a 6 year old niece to play the piano. They're not interested in her becoming a musician, just want her to learn an instrument for enjoyment.

I agreed (I don't charge them anything) and am using Piano Adventures. She's on unit 3-4 of year 1 (after the primer level). The lessons are once a week. There is a pattern of the mother sometimes forgetting about the lesson, or being up to 15-20 minutes late for a 1/2 hour lesson. Lately, she's been calling half an hour before lesson time and cancelling, although I've left messages early in the day asking if they'll be coming. She often comments on being appreciative for the flexibility.

Even though this isn't massively inconvenient, I feel somewhat taken advantage of, and I'm not sure it's a good example for the child to be inconsistent about the lessons. Am I being unreasonable to be slightly peeved by this? I'm reluctant to bring it up if I'm being too much of a hard***.

Thanks for any advice.

And this is why many recommend you do not teach relatives/friends. It would be even more problematic if you were charging tuition/lesson fees.

At this point, you might say to Sis, "Niece has done a fantastic job so far, but I feel I've taken her about as far as I can, and the time has come to find her a real teacher."

And if Sis presses the issue, you can add, "Well, at this point, I've given niece as much as I care to give, so if you want to continue her music education, you'll really have to find her a real teacher."

Good luck to you and especially your niece.

I think a competent teacher does wonders in their first years of coaching/teaching a new student. It is their backbone of technique and progression.

Just because one can play, does not mean that one might be the best teacher, whether s/he be a relative or not.

I taught 3 nieces and we all had a great experience. So no problem teaching relatives if one is a professional.

I hated correcting problems from a transfer student who took lessons from one who did not know how to teach though.

Sorry if this sounds insulting, but it is reality. We have to undo and reteach so much, so often.

You are being taken advantage of! A free teacher with flexible scheduling - who wouldn't want that?

And you're also correct - it's a bad example for the child. The child is learning that discipline and punctuality aren't important.

Someday that kid's going to be a teenager and come home late, an hour after her curfew. The mom's going to wonder why she's so irresponsible, and the kid's going to wonder what the big deal is.

It's not the teaching that's the problem, it's the attitude of the parent. Be thankful your niece's parents were appreciative enough to treat you as the professional you are!

Thank you, John, and yes they did!

As a pro, I set up their lessons the same as all the other students in the studio (ed director at Baldwin Piano and Organ at the time). My sister is more a 'do it right if you do it at all person than I', so I had no problem with her 2 youngsters. 3rd niece from another sister traveled an hour to get to lessons as a teenager and she did it on her own with the right attitude.

I also, at the time, had some really involved parents and set up a recital involving relatives and students. Duets with singing, other instruments, etc, and think I had at least 15 dual performances that spring. It was all about sharing music within families and it was a blast to get them all participating! I think that was my most memorable recital! We worked extra hours to get the sharing thing comfortable. A nice memory of teaching not only students but family members how to share music! I hope that they have the same memories!

That's really super. From the tales I hear, you are certainly blessed!

I think this is the issue, not so much being a relative.

Price can often equal perception of value.

I agree with danshure - it's not charging that allows your sister to feel less committed and to have a lower value for lessons. It might sometimes work in other families or relationships.

I have often noticed that kids who are learning piano are powerfully inspired by a relative who plays well (in their eyes). You can see that they dream of one day playing like "auntie____". You've probably had a profound influence on your neice, and if you stop teaching her formally, be sure to perform for her and sometimes have some exploring at the piano together.

good luck to you both.

Just to update--I decided to keep on with the lessons. In this case, it wouldn't matter if I charged; the mother often misses taking my niece to lessons in other fields (ballet, etc), and just pays as if she were attending. It's a chronic thing with her.

I think she's enjoying the lessons, I get to spend time with her, and she wouldn't be getting music otherwise.

For lilylady and others: I have nothing but respect for superior teaching, having had opportunity myself to study with some great teachers. However, I don't think it necessarily follows that anything but superior teaching is ruinous; we'd be in sorry shape if that was the case, since superior teaching is rarely met with! Although I wouldn't start teaching "professionally" without getting some background, I think I'm adequate to teach my niece at this level. My own teacher is thrilled I'm doing it, and begging me to take on other students and join the teachers' association, so there must be a need.

This is the trouble when you teach people you know! Its harder to be more upfront about things. However saying that even though I stipulate my cancellation terms, with pupils, they still very often cancel last minute, so I can understand how frustrating it is. But I would actually confront them about it, maybe in a joking manner, and just explain that if you need to cancel could you just give me a bit more notice like a day before so I can then plan something else with my evening.
They should understand.