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For the first time in 15 years I am faced with having to pull a student out of an exam due to lack of preparation. The exam is in 2 weeks time and there is no way he can be ready. I don't want him to feel embarassed on the day and I also don't want my own reputation to suffer. The thing is that I feel almost entirely responsible as I pushed him into it in the hope that it would motivate him to practice. It didn't.

At this stage there will be no refund for the exam although his parents will be expecting one. It's expensive and I can't afford it but I feel like I should pay them the fee back out of my own pocket. I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do but I just feel so sick and guilty about the whole thing. At the moment I haven't spoken to the parents about this because the boy (age 15) has asked me not to. He said he will practice this week but I know it will not be enough.

shame

on

you...

'almost entirely'? Try completely if you knew he was not ready and used it to motivate him to practice. You dont have the right to feel worried about your reputation right now. Its already tarnished.

The poor fellow is already embarrased as he doesnt want his parents to find out, because he thinks it's his fault. You should really explain to him that it is not his fault but that you made a bad error in judgement.

I also feel bad for you that you allowed yourself to get put into this situation.

The right thing to do would be to pay them back, maybe by giving free lessons over a period of time; that's IF they choose to continue with you.

Thanks for your support D4v3,

good to know that there are perfect people like you who don't make mistakes.

Chris, if you really consider this is your fault and it would make you feel better, why don't you suggest he do the exam at a later stage with no additional charge (that is, you will pay for the next entry, however you want to explain it to them). I know some people might disagree with me on this one, but I know how you feel.

[edit] I failed to explain that the reasoning behind this suggestion was that though you can't afford it now, it may be possible by the time the next session comes around. Just a suggestion.

This isnt about being perfect, its about ethical behavior at someone elses expense that you are wanting to be comforted in.

I truly sympathize with what you are facing as I would not want to face it myself; however, this sort of thing, based on what you stated above, is something very unbecoming of a professional.

I hope it works out for you, I really do.

They probably aren't teachers either...

You say you pushed him into it. Did he ultimately have a choice about it? If so, did he understand what would be required for him to participate successfully?

If so, then you do not bear the full responsibility of it. He agreed to it, he knew what it would take, and he didn't do the work.

If, however, you did not communicate to him what the expectations were, then you are indeed responsible.

You can lead the horse to water, you cannot make him drink.

There is a way out of this. In our exams, there is a "Path B." Path A is the full live audition and testing with a hired evaluator. Path B is a private audition and testing within the studio. For my Path B students, I set a date and administer the test and write a comment sheet with scores, just like they do for the Path A students.

Perhaps you could set up something similar. Lesson learned, no?

Now that's an idea. I've done this for other teachers, that is, I've been the examiner for a "path B" exam.

Thanks for the practical suggestion currawong. I don't think it will help in this case as there is nothing to suggest that he would practice for the next session either.

Exam entries need to be done well in advance, mid January for this session. At that time none of the students are ready, in fact some have not even started on the syllabus. They are entered based on potential and also because they ask. This particular boy was given the option and chose to be entered, at the time I felt he had the ability and will to do it.

Usally things come together in the few weeks running up to the exam but for him it just hasn't. He is perfectly capable but just hasn't put in the work. At the age of 15 I don't think it's too much to expect someone to take responsibility for their own learning and development.

However, I do accept that I should have seen this coming.

D4v3, how do you deal with exam preparation with your own students?

That also depends on how much he was coached into doing it as well. There is a reason teachers get hit harder than the general public for doing bad things around minors. Its based on the position of Trust they hold. A minor is more likely to do something a trusted teacher tells them, than they would a stranger.

Shoot, there were times when I did things I didnt understand because I trusted my school teacher/piano teacher knew better so I went along with it.

minors are also penalised more leniently because they lack certain judgement and critical thinking skills, coming back to the adult/teacher should know better before they position it to the kid.

Chris H:

I do not pretend to be a piano teacher and my comments were based on your admission of "I pushed him into it".

I am a professional in a different area where if I was misleading or coaxed people into something that was not right for them, I would be fired and go to jail.

I hope your question was not a prelude to "well if your not a teacher then you dont have the right to say anything", because as I mentioned earlier this is an issue of unbecoming behavior of a professional.

I know you feel sick and guilty about this, which means you want to do the right thing, which I believe is to pay them back with an explanation but dont be suprised if they choose to discontinue lessons.

Sometimes a student needs an event on which to focus to motivate them. Based on past experience with this boy I thought it would do the trick.

BTW, I had his best interests at heart. Why else would I have entered him?

Well lesson learned is, think of other ways to motivate someone other than something that is so expensive you cant pay it back if it fails.

But I also think that a 15 yr old student needs to make decisions and find out what the consequences of those decisions are, good or bad. If they aren't given the opportunity to make decisions, coached or not, they will not function in the adult world.

Adults are confronted with decisions all the time. There is always someone who tries to influence us.

In the grand scheme of things, this decision about the exam is a pretty safe one to make a mistake on. His life will not be ruined because of it. He will not end up in jail because he chose not to practice. And it is OK for him to feel bad about his lack of preparation. Perhaps next time he'll either do the work or make the decision not to participate.

I think our modern society has catered long enough on self-esteem to the detriment of character development.

D4v3,

You are certainly up tight with your comment to Chris.

Chris has been around the forums for quite some time and he does not deserve an unhelpful comment like yours - really!

Chris,

The young man at age 15 certainly knows what is required of him in being practiced and prepared. I would call or write his parents to make them aware of the impending problem. As you say, nothing will help at this point.

I'm not sure how much $ you are talking about in the fee for the event, but perhaps the parents will be understanding of the fact that it is par for the course that registration fees are not refunded because the money is collected by an outside organization, not by your studio.

I wouldn't apologize for the problem either. It is really your students lack of motivation and disregard of priorities and deadlines that has caused the situation.

If anything, he needs to get back in your good graces and to be responsible to you and his parents who footed the bill in the first place.

There is no need to compensate for the fees put forth at all in my mind. Enrolling him was with everyone's good intentions, wasn't it? And, as far as your tarnished image goes, Chris, I'd say you are not the source of the problem and have been encouraging and supportive to him at all times.

In the miraculous event that he does prepare and can do the event then he will have learned a big lesson in being well prepared musically as soon as possible so that he doesn't have to make excuses to you or his parents. No one is doing him a favor by letting him continue to think he has enough time left to adequately prepare.

Since the slot and time is paid for, I think I would wait until the last minute to cancel his participation in the event. This leaves the final decision at the last moment so that he can see and hear where he really is on the day before the event. All of his "plans" may come to naught, but should he be able to "show well" in this event, you still might want for him to play.

If he is definitely where you predicted the only thing you can say in a very strong voice is something like: "I told you so and you did not listen to me. Better you should have listened. I believe we have some decision making to do together and a recommittment on your part to piano lessons."

Listening and taking his views into consideration is something you can decide whether you want to do or not.

I think that it's harder and harder to prepare for deadlines when the teacher has high standards and expectations for their students and the students are demonstrating that they are lacking in the work ethics required to make themselves achieving
musicians.

Think strongly from your point of view as the teacher and explain what you observed in this situation and restate your requirements and ambitions for your students in positive words.

This one student is not going to set the pace for your studio, Chris. They should be apologizing to you!

Betty

Wow... I hope you remember what you just said the next time you want to complain about the state of the economy and the way that banks strong armed the common person into those home loans which may have been misleading.

Throw those poeple into the streets, they had to have some clue and there is no sense of accountability to the mortgage brokers.

And while piano teaching is not home loans the principle applies to what you just wrote.

@ Betty

Sorry to offend you but when Chris writes "I pushed him into it" may also mean the student put up some resistance but was pushed to go ahead with it. And personally I wouldnt care if we were talking about a common recital, but one that is apparently expensive is distateful.

I guess it all depends on whether you think my motives for entering students for exams are the same as those of banks encouraging people to borrow money they can't pay back.

He put up no resistance. This is not the first exam he has taken and he is fully aware of the requirements. He had already started work on the syllabus and di not want to go for the Summer session as it would clash with school exams. I encouraged him to enter for the spring and he agreed.

Despite what you might think I believed it was the right thing to do at the time.

If that's the case then why are you feeling guilty and wanting to pay them back at your expense and saying things like "I pushed him into it"?

And yes, the way you wrote it, it did sound like the mortgage brokers who took advantage of someone who didnt know better, but then had a change of heart.

I would be pissed if my teacher said "Dave I think your ready/ should be ready for this the cost is $XXX.XX". A week before the event "Yeah Dave your no where near ready." I would think it was my fault, but then if I went online and saw my teacher say something like "I feel so bad for doing this to him I pushed him into it and I dont want to suffer the consequences (reputation/cost)", I would think ... "why did he say he thought I was ready for this or would be ready for this, because obviously he didnt by what he just wrote".


I really really really do feel bad for you and by and large your probably a nice person, but I feel more bad for your student if what you wrote above is true.