I recently visited my friend Mari Juana who is very erudite in every aspect of the arts and she told me about a new document recently found written by Tchaikowski not in public hands yet.
Apparently in 1812 when Tchaikowsky was composing his overture for that year in a coffee bar in Vienna he witnessed the following: J S Bach walked in the same coffe shop looking for inspiration for his "Coffee Cantata". As he was ordering Beethoven put his head through the door and Bach greeted him. Beethoven said he had just been with the Emperor to a concert.Bach replied: "you mean hou went to the Emperor`s concert?" Bach asked him what his latest symphony was, to which Beethoven answered, "what?". Bach thought that was a funny name for a symphony and continue with his coffee and cantata.
Then Mozart walked in with his funeral director to which Beethoven muttered: "Mozart`s Requien" no doubt, to which Mozart answered: "Moonlighting again, Ludwig?, Beethoven replied "what?", Mozart mumbled to himself: "Pathetic".
On his way to London Handel felt like a cup of tea and also went in. On seeing him Bach jumped off his seat to embrace him, but couldn`t get very near, not only due to his big belly but he also had stuffed lots of money in his pants. Handel was upset at his score for the king of England being partly burned by some fireworks and soaked in water. Bach laughed saying: Ha, Ha, the Water and Fireworks Music no doubt" he also said he admired Handel enormously, to which Handel replied: "a lot of fugue Bach, a lot of fugue"
A bit later on Chopin popped in for a drink too and sat down with all the others. He looked worried and being asked what was the matter replied he just had finished a Prelude and din`t know what to call it. "Most annoying", he said "while I was composing rain drops kept falling on my head". Bach suggested he should call it the Water Prelude, to which Handel angrily replied he would sue Chopin if he stole his copyright.
Mozart suggested to call it the "Bad Weather Prelude", to which his funeral director replied, "not a good idea Mozart, we reserve the bad weather for your funeral".
To everybody`s surprise Vivaldi also came in with 25 young beautiful ladies, he had his hair painted red and had a dog`s collar too. He started talking about the weather and that summer season wasn`t as good as the year`s before season. Then he complained to the waitress that his sandwich wasn`t well seasoned and that seasoning was very important to him, to which Handel replied:, Vivaldi, do you know you mentioned "season" four times?", Vivaldi ignored him and kept fondling the girls.
Then with a big rumpus Schumann and Claire walked in. Schumann sat down sulkily putting little pieces of wood between his fingers and everybody thought it was odd, Claire told them to ignore him. Suddenly Schumann jumped off his chair and putting his hands on his head shouted: "you lot make me mad", "what?" said Beethoven, "that I`m mad?, funny enough I`ve been told that before........"
As this was Mendelsshon`s haunt too he came in and sitting down with all the others said: "I feel great today, it is like a midsummer`s dream to be able to listen to an Italian concert!. Nobody knew what he was talking about.
Wagner also popped in for coffee and everybody kept quiet. They whispered to each other he was very odd because be liked women with horns: "do you mean he likes cows?". shouted Beethoven, "cows, where?", exclaimed Wagner, "have you seen any Walkirie yet?", "Nazi b**d", Mendelsshon thought to himself.
Oddly enough Schubert went in also holding a bag stinking of fish, he was in his way to the tavern for a few pints and a sing song. Everybody complained about the smell and asked him what had in his bag. He replied he had 5 trouts for dinner, "a trout quintet, no doubt", said Mozart.
As Schubert left Liszt entered and greeted Chopin with warmth and kindness. "Are you staying", asked Chopin, "no, I can`t, I have to go to my hairdresser and beautician and then I have 2 countesses and 3 ladies waiting for me on top of my pianos while their clothes are being washed..........", everybody stared with envy thinking, "the lucky b***rd".
And then Gluck also popped in with Euridice. Everybody looked at her and thought she looked very pale. Mozart quickly approached her and showed her his Requiem. Gluck said that she didn`t need a Requiem as she was alive now and that Mozart should keep it for himself. Mozart thought it was a good idea as he was 38... Unfortunately Orpheus walked in and looked at Euridice in the eyes and she collapsed dead. Mozard sighed in relief thanked Orpheus and asked Gluck for 500 florins for the manuscript.
After a lot of wine drunk the group talked about the future. Bach pondered for a bit and said: " you know I think that one day there will be little machines with which people could communicate all over the world, there might even be a Piano Forum where they will talk about us and our works". Everybody started laughing louder and louder and louder including Bach himself...........
