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HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....Excellent answer....I like this kind of answer... Made them speechless...

Rachel fan, are you, Steven?

I tend to respond to these kinds of things with a testimonial: "Every night I used to make sure I was all ready for bed by 10pm so I could watch the Simpsons and Family Guy. I did that for about 6 years. Now I spend that hour playing the piano. It's good for me. Helps me think. Keeps my brain working and active and solving problems. Before all I could do was quote the Simpsons, now I can play a Chopin Polonaise."

There's a subtext of snark here, because I find that most people on the other end of this know in intricate detail every episode of Heroes and The Biggest Loser, and I'm not about to let them think that, comparatively, piano is a "waste of time".

I only wonder what kind of player I'd be if I had those 6 years back...

And ditto on the Alzheimer's thing... this is about as good as it gets.
MM

Playing the piano transports me to another time and space. The most rewarding aspect of playing is after hundreds of hours have been spent learning a piece to a point I can play it well enough to experience and project the emotional content of the composer's work. There is nothing quite like it.

Also someone commented that you don't really know a piece until you try to learn it - that is what I have come to experience as well. I enjoy listening to recordings of pieces I've worked on and compare the interpretations. A superficial "listening" without knowledge of the piece does not compare at all.

Next time you see them, arrange to have dinner at their home, and after dinner say " you know the russian guy at the food kart cooks better than you"

sweet sweet justice.......

I'd get new friends (too bad can't do that with relatives).
How insensitive. Generally, people make remarks like that when jealous.

I'm a raw intermediate, almost never playing for anyone but by dogs and wife. I wouldn't trade one minute of the time I've spent at the piano ruining masterpieces. :>)

What a snotty, rude thing to say to anyone.

I'm sure an *ahem* "paid professional" does sex better than they would too -- so should they all stop doing that?

I would be happy to analyze that. I stand by it, because it resonates with my experience and truth. It might be total bunk for a reader, but I think there is truth there. If you are in the middle of having a fantastic time and someone gives you grief, it is easy to brush off. So, maybe this person has lost the fun of playing. If I were to change my words at all it would be to say '...or you most likely wouldn't care." Which, btw, is basically the thrust of every other persons post here, so let's stop being so mean, shall we?

Excellent reason!

Or maybe this person simply cares more about what their family thinks than the average bear and has a harder time shutting it out. Caring about what other people think can be a problem if they are giving you poisonous messages, but NOT caring about what other people think is the definition of sociopathy. Finding the middle ground is hard, and harder for people who are more naturally extroverted or sensitive to others' feelings.

Not everyone reacts to every stimulus the same way. Some people have a hard time wearing t-shirts without cutting the back-of-neck tag off, too. Others are more sensitive to sound or bright light, and others can't stand spicy food.

Ignore them Ganddalf. Enjoy the process of playing piano and let these ignorant comments roll off your back. What more is there to say?

To my knowledge, no other person in this thread turned the situation around to critique the nature and validity of the OP's reaction rather than what he was reacting to. I believe the OP was seeking understanding, validation and support, and your indelicate words (and continued vigorous defense of them) could certainly seem "mean" even if you didn't intend it.

"If you are in the middle of having a fantastic time and someone gives you grief, it is easy to brush off" comes across as similarly glib and smug. It's great if that's your experience, but it's not universally true for everybody else (despite the implication that it should be). If you want to "stop being so mean," I definitely agree that it's a good idea.

Steven

I'd suggest to play for more appreciative audiences.

Truth is, negative comments hurt. That is human nature. Even if they are untrue, they hurt.

I play professionally all the time (blues and boogie-woogie in a New Orleans-focused blues band)

Here is how I cope with negativity:

First, I keep a memory log of positive comments people have said about my playing, and I replay those comments whenever someone slams me. The best comments are from knowlegable people, such as other players, but I will take them all!

Second, I read somewhere that the average audience is roughly divided as such:

* 50% are not paying attention to the music; instead, they are daydreaming, or thinking about dinner, work, etc.

* of the other 50% who are listening, at least half do not know whether or not you are playing the piece correctly.

* Of those who do know of the music you are playing, 98% will be supportive.

* Of the remaining 2%, one percent will point out mistakes, but give you credit for having the guts to perform, and to overcome any mistakes you made.

* That leaves the 1% who will criticize, condemn, etc, no matter what you do.

Ignore them, and revert to the memory log (mentioned first) of accolades.

This works for me all the time.

rocket88 -

It is interesting how the 1% can make such an outsized impression, indeed outweighing the great majority of the positive feedback.

Yes. Musician's egos can be very fragile, so protecting oneself from untrue negative attacks is just as important as learning to actually play the instrument, IMHO.

Great post Rocket! This one should go in the PW Wall of Fame.

Thank you, Ed.

I agree with this as well- and would again point out that stopping and asking oneself why they are having such a strong reaction might highlight that very thing! Then one could move forward knowing that they were upset that they were being criticized, but that in and of itself is not a good enough reason to quit something you love, is it? I really hope not!

I think we are all trying to say different versions of the same thing though- that we all agree that a persons desire to play is more important than an outsiders opinion of it's validity as a hobby, and if someone is getting you down and de-motivating you, find a way to ensure that it doesn't get the best of you!

Some people have great retorts and analogies, some have reminded us of all the benefits and joys of playing, and I just wanted to add that there might be another piece to why this might be so upsetting.

I wonder, if our friend here is simply more sensitive to these things than perhaps I am (though I am a sensitive soul, honestly!), and doesn't have any other underlying music ghosts as I have been chastised for suggesting, what is good advice? I doubt a retort would do. What's a subtler tactic?

Perhaps he should invite the naysayer to a quick bit of 'Heart and Soul' together and see if he can convert them with a bit of success?!

I really want to read follow up on this to hear what the most effective way to disarm this criticism turned out to be! Mm..no contest, it's probably going to be the nookie analogy!

Well, I think you can tell that I wasn't trying to be mean, but I was sharing my experience (which our poster asked about). All of our responses are tinged with our bias and experience, and that's what makes these forums fun and useful.

You are right, no one else 'turned the situation around' to ask the OP about their reaction. Why does that mean that the question is not useful or valid? I think that for the right person, that might be a very supportive set of questions to ruminate on. Clearly, it wouldn't be for everyone, but just because I am not answering like everyone else does not make my point useless or mean. It's just another perspective, just like taste in hobbies or pianos! We have no idea what the poster wanted to hear back, but we expect honesty was part of it. I was just honest.

I apologize if my tone was wrong, but I still think it's ok to ask oneself 'Jeez, why does this get to me so bad? Is there something else bigger than this I should think about?'
If there isn't fine. But I really wish someone had asked me all those questions years ago when I asked 'why am I bothering' and promptly quit flute. I might not have quit, and I'd be happier for it.

We're all just trying to help with whatever we have to offer!