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I've seen posts from teachers complaining about helicopter parents who won't stay out of the way and, at the other extreme, parents who seem to value sports and other activities above music yet expect big results from the piano lessons regardless.

My six-year-old will be starting weekly piano lessons in the fall. In a piano teacher's ideal world, what do parents do?

My own parents didn't play; they encouraged daily practice but left everything else to the teacher. So what's the best advice for me? Should I be helping between lessons at home? Or should I stay away from the curriculum and work on additional just-for-fun pieces? Or should parents limit ourselves to the role of appreciative audience?

Of course I'll consult with the teacher but sometimes out of politeness people won't always tell you what they really think. I'm confident no such danger exists here (wink).

EEF,
Good question! I'm sure you'll get a lot of responses.

My contributions for a good piano parent are:

Have your child at lessons on time;

Cancel ahead of time, if need be;

Encourage a regular practice routine..and find creative ways to motivate your child to do so. Don't expect your child to run to the piano happily to play what they've learned every day.

Listen to your child's practice session...being an appreciate audience is more than what most of my students families do. You know.. practicing is an isolating experience. Sometimes having an audience helps.

My Mom used to listen to every practice session.. and make comments (which were not always appreciative), but that made me accountable for my practice time. She simply made sure that I practiced.

Check the child's lesson book.. I have a 6 year old that still says she doesn't remember the lessons from week to week. I follow up each lesson with an email to the Mom.

Ask your teacher if they mind you sitting in on lessons. Some teachers do, I don't, at all.

thanks for asking this!
BevP

I've had at least a couple of ideal music families, one the parent of three piano students (but who knows relatively little about music), and another a family of a clarinet student I teach.

The family of the 3 piano students started out by watching the early lessons with the students, and plays flashcard games like the ones I play with students. She's clearly picked up some of the music theory concepts I each n lessons and some of the technique aspects. Plus she gets her kids to practice by earning computer time for practice time. Lately the two older kids (almost 9 and almost 7) have been practicing on their own without being reinded too often, and are spending less time on the computer.

The family of the clarinet student, both parents play music to a high standard, mom helps with the accompanying when they are at home, or my husband can't make it to an event), they help with learning the ear training and rhythm clapbacks, and is currently heling me teach him his theory requirements so that he can get the practical certificates from the Royal Conservatory of Music.

Meri

How about this little loaded comment (!). The ideal piano parent may not be what many teachers think is an ideal piano parent.

+1

I agree with Bev plus some more:
"perfect piano parents" IMO do not take up lesson time by asking questions and chatting. My perfect piano parent emails me, and quite frequently, about her child's progress and expresses her concerns there. I can read this and then phone her or just reply back as necessary. She always pays me on time (or before payment is due) and contacts me well in advance of any lessons they need to miss. Sounds like basic courtesy but not every parent is like this. This parent never took lessons herself, and this is her first child taking lessons, so she's new at the piano parent thing.

This is a good idea I wouldn't have thought of on my own. Good tip. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

If this is intended to be self-evident, Piano*Dad, I'm afraid I'm missing it. Can you expand on your comment, please?

I took lessons for 12 years from a teacher who ran a very professional operation: charging by the school term, not tolerating tardiness (when your time was up, it was up - regardless of what time you arrived), and offering make-up lessons only if you also were absent from school on the lesson day (in other words, if your excuse wasn't good enough to miss school, it wasn't good enough to miss your piano lesson).

I was focused more on the coaching vs. meddling aspect. However, you make very good points and it's a good idea to remind us every once in a while.

What, you want the book-length version!

It was indeed meant to be self-evident, but different people could stamp their own feeling onto what was so self-evident about it.

Look, the whole idea of 'perfect parents' is fraught with interesting difficulties. Each teacher's definition of perfect can vary with all the personal characteristics -- and foibles -- that define each of them.

Simple case. Take two 'teachers,' one of whom is self-assured and one of whom by nature lacks self-confidence. Even if their talents are equal (another source of difference) these two archetypes could have very different ideas of the perfect parent. Take me, for instance. I might have been the latter teacher's worst nightmare of a parent. On the other hand, I might have come much closer to the first one's notion of ideal partner in teaching.

In my view, the perfect parent will...

1) Make sure the kid practices regularly at home,
2) Get the best instrument available to them,
3) Pay tuition on time,
4) Seldom (if never) cancel lessons,
5) Get books the first week I ask them to purchase,
6) Let the student participate in all the recitals, festivals, exams, and competitions,
7) Teach good manners to their kids,
8) Model good manners at recitals,
9) Refrain from spreading rumors or gossip, and
10) Make proper referrals to family and friends.

I know. I live in a dreamworld.

Nice thread--- good suggestions, no fistfights.

One thing I'm not hearing is, exposing the child to music outside lesson and practice time. Recordings, books about music and musicians, live performances. Help the kid get an idea of the bigger world of music, and see where they might fit in. Also, seeing other musicians interacting with each other (even if the child isn't old enough for accompaniment or ensemble work) could help counteract the isolating influence of laways being alone at the keyboard.

As part of the bigger picture, help the kid remember why he chose to study music in the first place. Any of us can lose sight of our bigger goals, and it helps day-to-day to keep our eye on it.

And try your best not to put the television in the same room with the piano.

Absolutely this is a great thing for parents to do! Also the teacher can do it, by lending CD's, taking them to see concerts (I just quit doing that last year) etc...

I had some kids that went to Poland last summer use that time to do some "homework" for me, since they wouldn't be practicing. I asked them 5 questions to look for while they were there. Things like "what was different about their music" and "did you see any instruments there". They told me they had fun looking for those things.



Not in their bedrooms either Urgh!

I always meet with the parents before accepting the child into my studio. This gives me an opportunity to discuss openly with the parents what my expectations are and it gives them a forum to ask questions.

I think open, regular communication that has been founded on common goals will avoid most problems.

I don't have any bad piano parents in my studio, thankfully. They bring the children on time, pay on time, encourage their children without being critical, sometimes sit in on the lessons and don't try to skirt my studio policy. They also make classical music a part of their lives. That's something I ask them to do right from the start because it's good for everybody!

I see what you mean. Work with the specific teacher as a team. Good advice.

A dreamworld is a very nice place to live. No need to apologize. But in that world, there's no difference between parents with piano abilities and parents with none? It's irrelevant?

Brilliant idea. I think this was something I lacked because my parents weren't into music. It's certainly a way to broaden horizons without getting in the teacher's way.

I would add to your top 10 list:
11. Support the teacher. (do not overrule her guidance and instruction. example: student is told to practice small parts of a piece very slowly, but parent helicopters in and says it's a waste of time to practice slowly and with such repetition). Just support the teacher. If the parent does not understand or agree with techniques, etc. she/he needs to discuss this with the teacher directly instead of overrulling the teacher.
12. Let your child breathe. Don't sit in on every practice session, or even most of them. Let the kid relax and play on his own.
13. Goal is for the student to take ownership of his/her playing.

Makes no difference to me.

I've had both types of parents in my studio. The ones who know music tend to suffer from know-it-all-ism, but their kids play well, so I have nothing to complain about. I also have students who play well whose parents are tone deaf. Alas, I also have one student whose mother knows music well, used to play piano, and has perfect pitch!! But that student seems to have gotten all the genes from his father

This is encouraging, I suppose, since it means all students have an equal chance at success regardless of the formal musical training in the family.