Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum "Firing" a student

After many no-shows, too many incorrect payments to count and now "can we do THE PIANO THING once a month?" from mom, I have decided to let this student go. I have been avoiding this because daughter is very sweet, and a great pianist, but mom argues with me about money, lessons, etc and is a nightmare. I know from daughter that mom does this all the time, and I felt like maybe I could be her "consistent" thing, but enough already. Curiously, most of the family plays, and they are good at it! Daughter has said that she only does it cuz mom makes her.

I'm not sure what to say! I have only "fired" two other kids in 15 years, and not for any of the above reasons.

Suggestions?

Sounds like you might be feeling guilty. But there's really no reason to. It's your business and you have the right to teach to anyone - or not to teach anyone at all.

It also sounds like the kid didn't want to learn anyway. Let go of the need to please others and focus on your own happiness.



My 2 proverbial cents.

Wow Ed, your 2 cents are huge!! LOL

I know I have that "flaw" and I am trying to get over it. Easier said than done tho

It's not a flaw. It sounds like you care a lot. Which is a good thing. But you can't let people walk over you either.

A good friend of mine who teaches flute encourages this:

Document everything you remember about how this parent treated you (not paying, incorrect paying, no-showing, etc.). Look back at your calendar and payment records and write everything down that she did to you that was wrong. This can help muster up the courage to go for it and fire the people. You can even have this information in front of you when you make the call should you want to reference anything. I did this with one family and it was very helpful. I needed to fire them.

Yes, I am very good at keeping records, so I do have all of this noted.

I'm just very uncomfortable with that phone call,
"yeah hi. You stink at everything, so I'm not teaching your daughter piano anymore."
lol

Seriously, I think I will take the cowardly way out, and just tell her the "only" spot that I have left for summer and hope it won't work for her. If it does, then, since I told her I needed 10 lessons to hold a fall position (thanks for that John (I think)), I won't have "room" for her in the fall.

I would jump on the once a month thing. Tell her you are not in a position to offer that but you can give her the numbers of teacher's who might be more flexible.

These people are such a drain on your resources. You really don't need it.

Ummm dah, that seems pretty obvious, why didn't I think of it
Thanks Chris!

Jusy MY two cents, but by taking the cowardly way out you aren't helping yourself at all...just postponing the inevitable. If that spot works for her then you are back where you started. It really is ok to be firm. You'll be glad you did. I do understand hating confrontation, but we all have to do it sometime. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Okay, I'll bite. Is the word, "dismiss" now politically incorrect?

Growing up, the sterner teachers used the word "dismiss" while the more people oriented teachers said, "let go."

Just so you know, I have a policy about students who need to leave the studio before the term is over - once they quit (disenroll?), they may no longer rejoin the studio. Had a student do just that this spring, so I am expecting a load of grief later in the summer.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. I had a parent who was doing precisely the same thing as yours, so I contacted the parent, told them that they were obviously dissatisfied with my services, so I would help them find a new teacher. That ended that problem!

Two problems:

That's bad enough, but this is the clincher:

That's a no win situation. Fire away!

I LOVE it!

Some may disagree, but you might send her an email first, and suggest that if she has further questions or concerns that you'd be happy to discuss them with her in person.

I like to write things out, carefully thinking about what I want to say. Sometimes when dealing with people on the phone, things are said that shouldn't have been, or you wish you would have responded a certain way to something the mom said, etc....

A couple of years ago I had to let a student go for various reasons. I sent the mom an email and told her that 'although I'd enjoyed teaching her daughter, unfortunately I would no longer be able to continue'.

You can be as specific or vague as you like. And really, no matter how nice and sweet you are, it will be a blow to them, they'll feel hurt, etc.... Oh well.

You do what you have to do.

Since you don't like the idea of confrontation, the email idea sounds like a good alternative. Just be prepared to get a phone call. Know what you want to say before they call. I do hope you let us know how it works out.

Dumdumdiddle and pianoobseession,
Personally I like Email, and do a lot of my correspondence that way. You don't think that's an unprofessional way to go about it? (although I guess if I'm "firing" them anyway, does it even matter?) I like to type and retype and collect all my thoughts first too.

I kind of think of email as the cowards' way out, but you're right, it still gets the message across.
This particular mom is on my notify list already (so when she reads my emails I know it) because of the problems stated earlier....

The coward's way out is all that extremely rude and selfish people deserve. Save your heroism for the nice people, who give you some respect!

You are SO right about that! Why is it people (me lol) always worry about offending rude selfish people??

In my view, I think you owe it to your student (who has done nothing wrong) to attempt to work out your problems with her mother face to face (no matter how unpleasant it may seem to you). Never try to solve a problem by e-mail.

Of course, the final decision on how to handle the matter is ultimately yours, but, to me, it seems unfair to the student, if you don't make a valiant attempt to solve the problem.

I tend to agree with Akira.

I suggest an alternative solution.

Since the biggest objective complaint is the slow pay syndrome, make that the focus.

Require them to pay a semester at a time, up front. No refunds for missed lessons. Then if there are too many noshows, you don't care. You collect your pay while you do the crossword puzzle. Nobody gets upset, no emotional involvement.

Parents like this unfortunately will continue to drain you and your resources. I believe you said the student indicated she was only taking lessons because her parents were making her. It sounds as if you're up against two, not just the irresponsible parent. You obviously have compassion and want to do the right thing, but professionally it sounds like a waste of your time, as well as theirs. When we have this type of issue, we just go ahead and cut the tie - professionally and compassionately, but always face to face - its the respectful thing to do.

Be careful offering to find another teacher for them. You may lose the respect of a colleague, especially if they start pulling the same thing. The new teacher might not be too happy and feel like you've just "dumped" a problem in their lap just to get it out of yours. In this kind of situation, we've been asked to refer, but we always decline.

If there is one thing for certain in teaching music, students are going to come and go, and there are always going to be some parents/students that you have to wonder why they bother. Move on and focus on the students who are excited to be studying, the parents who are interested and supportive of their students, and you'll enjoy your chosen profession.

Best of luck to you, remember, you are the instructor, and they have come to you to teach them. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.