Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Piano Teachers Forum Your best piano joke?

I like to have a few in my arsenal for the kids. Can you share a piano/music joke worth telling?

(or a not so nice one that's just for us grown-ups here?) Lol

How did the piano get locked out?
He forgot his keys

Did you hear about the pianist that kept banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear!

Hey! They found Beethoven after all these years. He was in the piano bench erasing music...what was he doing?
Decomposing!

The best one I know is definately not for kids, but the punch line is, "Know it? heck, I wrote it!"

Piano player in a bar had a pet monkey. The monkey got loose, jumped up on the bar and sat down in a customer's beer mug.

The irate customer walked over to the piano and said:

"Do you know your monkey put his (censored) in my beer?"

Piano player:
"No but if you'll hum a few bars, I'll try it."

Here's a couple:

The audience at a piano recital was appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!"

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why did Mozart kill his chickens?
Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

A little boy was complaining to his friend, "My mom won't let me watch public television anymore!"
"Why not?" his friend asked incredulously.
"Because it has too much sax and violins!!"

I believe that Beethoven's last movement was actually at a restroom in Vienna.

Anecdotes:

Leonard Bernstein (1918-1990), American conductor, composer and pianist. On one occasion, Bernstein's father was criticized for not having given his talented son more encouragement when he was a child. The father protested, "But how was I to know that he would grow up to be Leonard Bernstein?"

Albert Einstein (1879-1955), German born physicist; he lived in the US after 1933 in Princeton, New Jersey, Einstein played violin in a string quartet. He thoroughly enjoyed it, but the other musicians were less enthusiastic. One of the other players confided, "He can't count."

George Shearing (1919- ) Jazz pianist, born in Britain. Came to the USA in 1947. He was blind from birth. Asked by an admirer whether he had been blind all his life, Shearing replied, "Not yet." One afternoon at rush hour, Shearing was waiting at a busy intersection for someone to assist him in crossing the street. Another blind man tapped him on the shoulder an asked if Shearing would mind helping him to get across. "What could I do?" said Shearing later. "I took him across, and it was the biggest thrill of my life!"

Sir Arthur S. Sullivan (1842-1900), British composer and conductor Sullivan returned home one night after a lively party at which the wine had flowed freely. His house was one in a row of identical terraced houses on his street, and he realized that in his inebriated state he couldn't tell which house was which. His solution to the problem? He walked along the street, and in front of each house he kicked the metal shoe scraper that was installed there. One rang a familiar note. "E-flat, that's it," he said quietly to himself, and walked confidently into his own house.

Some are good for kids, some definitely not.

"Throw a piano down a mineshaft, and I'll show you a-flat minor!"

Ask Phlebas for the rest of it.

A husband and wife are in the car on their way out for the evening. The husband exhales, "Shoot, we forgot to bring the piano with us!" His wife responds,"Whatever for?," to which he replies,"Because I left the tickets to tonight's show on top of it."

This email, sent to me by a band conductor/trombonist, came from Shelly Berger who is one of the finest musicians and Bass players in Toronto.

Date: Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:43:52 -0400
Subject: Fwd: Musical Solution to Marriage Problems

Marriage Problems

After years of hiding the fact that the love is gone, the last child moved out of the house and Mom and Dad announced they are getting a divorce.

The kids are distraught and hired a marriage counselor as a last resort at keeping the parents together. The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't even talk to each other.

Finally, the counselor goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful upright Bass, and begins to play. After a few moments, the couple starts talking.

They discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try.

The kids are amazed and ask the counselor how he managed to do it.

He replies, "I've never seen anyone who wouldn't talk during a bass solo."

And for that, the counselor gets $200/hr, and doesn't have to join the musicians' union....

Q: Whats messy and sits on a piano bench?
A: Beethoven's First Movement.

haha!! That's great Brian

Why couldn't Mozart find his music teacher?

Because he was Haydn.

Well, to actually accommodate one of the principal purposes put forward by Ebony and Ivory when she first started the thread: "I like to have a few in my arsenal for the kids" ..... (with apologies to anyone between Florida and southern California)

Why is music like ice-skating?

You have to C# or you'll Bb.

Why was the piano invented?
So the musician would have a place to put his beer.

An elderly woman is going for an operation on her arm. She asks the doctor,"Will I be able to play the piano after the operation?" The doctor replies,"I don't see why not." The woman answers, "I've never been able to before."

A guy enters his dog in a classical piano competition.

When the dog starts to play, he is awful! After 30 seconds or so, the judge tells the emcee to get the stupid dog off the stage NOW!

But the owner warns "You better let him finish, he attacks at anyone who tries interupt his playing"

The judge says "I don't care. His Bach is worse then his bite!"

BA-DA-DUM!

Whats musical and useful for shopping?


A Chopin Liszt.

Building on the last one..

A note left for a pianist from his wife:
Gone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet.

Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A: A sharp major.

This might have been someone's "signature" phrase on this, or another forum:

To be is to do said Socrates

To do is to be said Sartre

Do be do be do said Sinatra


John

My mother's favorite that she has told for years:

You know what's wrong with the prisoners at Sing-Sing?

They're behind a few bars and they can't find the right key.