Piano World Home Page Forums Our Most Popular Forums Adult Beginners Forum Do you think my teacher suspects anything?

Hi you all,

I'm a 36 y.o. adult student, taking lessons for 1,5 years now.
Currently I'm on the process of getting diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

I'd like to know what do you think about a situation that's been going on with my teacher for some time now.
By the way, she doesn't know that I may be somehow in the autistic spectrum, I don't want her to know anything about my -alleged- AS, not now not when I finally get an official diagnosis. I fear that the moment she knows, she'll never take me seriously again, lessons will change or she'll maybe drop me.

From day 1 she's always said that I shouldn't rub constantly my hands when they're not on the keyboard. That I shouldn't rock on the bench. That I must get rid of my tension and stress. And finally 3 weeks ago she started to ask strange questions.
She asked about my family. About who I live with, what used to do as a child and teenager, if I have any friends and where I met them and how are those friends. If I'm good with foreign languages or computers. How do I walk on the street (what kind of question is that!?) She's been starting some small talk (I'm completely inept with small talk) and -I think- observing my reactions.

Now, that's my question.
Do you think she's supecting that "something is going on"? Or am I just being too paranoid?
Maybe she just wants to have a more personal conversation outside the mere technical issues, given that I'm an adult student and we like the same kind of music and I'm totally overreacting.

What do you think?

Boira,

Are you happy with your teacher?

Why would she 'drop' you when you tell her about your possible Asperger?

Why don't jou just ask her why she asked those questions?

If you feel that some of your handrubbing & rocking maybe has to do with your potential AS...I would say some openness would be beneficial for both of you!!

Ingrid

I'm absolutely happy with her. That's why I'm so worried, because I don't want that to change if she ever gets to know it.

I've adapted perfectly to her highly structured lessons and routinary exercices. She's a perfect fit for me and I'm really happy with how things are going. My progress has been steady and fast forward, and I follow a regular practice regime.

Maybe the fact that I want to keep it "secret" is making me a bit too defensive/paranoid everytime she asks anything outside the mere technical issues related to lessons.

...In that case....just tell it!!!! It will just make it easier for her to work with you (at least she'll understand where some of your 'behaviour' is coming from...) , and more comfortable for you to work with her because she understands your little 'issues'.....

Ingrid

Yeah I'd say you should tell her. She can't teach you properly unless she knows these types of things. And I'm willing to bet she'd work harder with you realizing that in the face of your personal challenges you're still willing to put in the hard work of learning piano.

Besides, who knows what she's thinking already. She may think you're addicted to crack or something. Maybe that's why she's asking such odd questions.

Hi Boira,

As the mom of a 10-year-old with Asperger's, I'm very sensitive to (and acutely interested in) your situation. My hubby and I face the same dilemma you're raising here every time we introduce Isaac to new people or activities: Do we tell the person in charge about his diagnosis or not?

My usual strategy is to start off with not telling, on the reasoning that it is impossible to UNtell, so we might as well see how things go. I've also done enough research on the stigmatizing effects of diagnostic labels that I would prefer, when possible, for people to think of my son as the lovable little rascal that he is and not merely in terms of him as his disorder. This strategy has seemed to work well so far. Sometimes he fits right in (e.g., YMCA soccer) and we never tell the coach or other parents--and there's no need to. Sometimes his behavior is obviously atypical, in which case I find it helpful just to let the people involved know in a matter of fact way.

So I am sympathetic to your initial impulse to not disclose your condition to your piano teacher. On the other hand, once your Asperger's starts to implications for your lessons, it may be a better strategy to let your teacher know.

I'm *also* sympathetic to the idea that Asperger's is not something one should feel compelled to keep hidden at all costs--and there's also a public education factor to consider here. As autism spectrum disorders continue to increase in incidence, the public becomes better informed about them and more accepting of them.

Okay, I'm writing a book here, but your post obviously struck a chord with me! Bottom line: I think you have handled everything well thus far, and I also agree with the others that you might as well let your teacher know. There's no need to make a big deal of it; just at the next natural opportunity (e.g., your teacher makes some comment about you rubbing your hands again), say something casual like "yeah, you know, I'm currently undergoing an evaluation for Asperger's, and it turns out that repetitive behaviors like that are typical of the syndrome, so that's probably where that's coming from."

I'm confident that such a disclosure will not have any negative effects on your relationship with your teacher, and if anything, it should improve it--as she will now have an explanation for the behaviors she has picked up on.

Please keep us posted on what you do and how it turns out.

I bet if you were to say the above to your teacher everything will work out fine... probably better than fine, and the sooner the better. This should not weigh on you.

As a teacher, I constantly have students who withhold information that affects their ability to do as I ask. Sometimes this means that I ask things that might very well be impossible for the student to accomplish. If I had known, I would have tailored lessons differently for the best possible results. I'm pretty sure your teacher needs to know, which is why she's asking these questions. Your behaviors are telling her that something is up. It is not that she would use this as grounds for dropping you, but so that she can change her teaching to accommodate your specific needs.

I had a voice student who started lessons with me, and I suspected there was something different that I should know about. I started asking some probing questions and found out that there is some mental disability there. It was good to know, even though I do not know the specific disability, because I know better how to explain things to her. She takes things very literally and almost to the extreme, and so I have to be careful not to exaggerate as I do with other students. She has made a lot more progress as a result of this little bit of information, and I'm so glad I asked.

From some things that Monika wrote:

This was one of my thoughts. Monika, a question - When teachers do get told, do they have enough knowledge about Aspergers to do anything constructive with that knowledge?

My other thoughts went in this direction, but possibly positively. You have had lessons for 1 1/2 years and they seem to be going well. You have stated that your lessons suit you and go with your nature. Your posts in the past suggest that you are doing very well indeed: you are receiving challenges and challenging material which I remember surprised one or two teachers, and you also enjoyed what you were asked to do, and how you were being asked to work. Other than the fact that you tend to rock and rub your hands when you are not playing, are there actually problems? Are things going about the same, or better, or a gradual downward swing? (which, the latter, somehow I don't think is happening)
Do keep us posted so we know how you are doing.

Oh no... I've never thought of that!
Oh no (again), she knows I'm a pharmacist with acess to all kinds of psychotropical drugs. Thank you for that point of view, Shakesbeer23, I really have to explain to her that I'm absolutely "clean".



Monica, THAT'S absolutely my point. As long as everything goes ok, I'd rather not tell because once people knows, there's no going back. I've had some bad experiences on the past with that and I intend not to make the same mistake. I HATE when people start making assumptions and play shrink with you.
At the moment I can pass perfectly for the weirdo computer freak that learns foreign languages and likes to travel, music and draw.

Morodiene, I like lessons as they are now, that's why I'm afraid that the moment she knows, changes will come and maybe not for the best... if something works, don't touch it!
I don't have learning disabilities or challenges that ask for tailored lessons. My attention span is ok too, I can focus on a task for hours and hours. I did good at college without even going to lectures (It was impossible at the moment, I was working 12 hours/day, 6 days a week).


Thank you all for your input so far, it gives me a lot to think about.

Keystring, our posts crossed.

As you already know, my teacher is Russian, very army-like in her ways, highly structured in everything she does. And maybe becuase of that we're the perfect fit: I like structure, I don't mind repeating things over and over and over again (I even like Hanon!! -no, I'm not a masochist, I just like its repetitive patterns-)
But pecisely because of her high-standards, I fear her attitude towards me will change if she ever knows what's going on...

Depends on when/where they got their training. Asberger's has only recently started to receive a lot of research attention, given the dramatic increase in autism spectrum diagnoses in the past decade. People who have gone through training more recently will thus probably be more familiar with it. This is also a function of the passing of the IDEA legislation in 1990, mandating the least restrictive environment for students with disabilities. Children with high-functioning autism these days are mainstreamed more often than not, so teachers of necessity have become more familiar with the disorder.

When I tell people about my son, I don't just say "He has Asperger's" but will go on to explain what it means and how it might be affecting their interactions with them.

Boira, I completely understand your desire to avoid taking any chances of undermining your lessons. It's possible that your teacher's questions simply reflect her belief that the two of you have worked together long enough that she feels comfortable asking you questions about your personal life and that you would feel comfortable sharing personal information. I'd suggest just playing things by ear and answering any questions she might have honestly and openly, and if that strategy leads you to a disclosure of your diagnosis, that's okay... but it's also okay if it doesn't.

Boira, your teacher is probably reading this right now!

Nah - Some of our teachers are too busy - or not even Internet savvy!

You sound like a good student to me--- the kind a teacher would want to have. You also sound like a pretty smart person.

Why don't you let this ride for a little while? After all, the diagnosis is incomplete as yet. You could ask her, straight up, if she likes having you as a student and wants to keep you. Maybe that will tell you what you need, for now.

My teacher does not hold with rocking or holding tension, or making unnecessary gestures... and she tells me all the time about what she sees, that I can't. What she tells you could just be part of her care for you as a student; a strict demeanor does not mean she has no heart. It could mean she's guarding you from errors in musicianship. Anyway, sharing your private medical data, if you don't feel comfortable about it, is not necessary. You could say, only, that you are being evaluated for a disability (or a medical condition) and don't feel comfortable sharing more.

Would you really want to study with someone who could not accept you as the human being and good student that you are? Just be yourself as you really are--- it's the best you can do. It's the best any of us can do.

P.S.- Russians are famous for their hearts--- the big feelings, the big passions, the big dedication to their art. And Russian teachers are equally famous for their strictness and reserve. Maybe the one is holding the other in check, to keep it from being too overwhelming. Hmmm?

Wow, thank you, nothing like starting a Saturday morning launching my anxiety factor to the stratosphere.

Only kidding. I thought about that before posting and evaluated the pros/cons.


PS: Next lesson, my teacher's 1st words will be "WTF are you doing posting such things on the forums without telling me first?" I can feel it coming....

Hi Boira,
I empathize.. I'm 36 also and my son is 12. We both are progressing through the nightmare of offical diagnosis.
I believe it is a process to give us a signpost, not a label.
My son was homeschooled, until recently. It is entering mainstream schooling that has led us to the diagnostic team.

I agree that when you next display a trait that attracts your teacher's attention, explain the possible reason for that trait and she should learn to accept and address it froma different angle.

I have to admit it is my family who seem to find aspie traits as even more reason to put me down all the time and roll their eyes at me.