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#916747 - 04/23/08 10:19 PM You think English is easy???  
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 6,176
Piano World Offline
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 6,176
Parsonsfield, ME (orig. Nahant...
You think English is easy???

Read to the end . . . a new twist


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .


3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP..
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so.........it is time to shut UP!

Oh . . . one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P


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#916748 - 04/24/08 05:39 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 200
Kawai, HI Offline
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Kawai, HI  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 200
Hawaii
Frank B,
To expand on your idea, you should visit engrish.com. This site has a lot of english "translations" from other languages. You think english is difficult as a first language...


Semper ubi sub ubi
[Linked Image]
#916749 - 04/25/08 03:42 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 14
Laurel Jean Offline
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Laurel Jean  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 14
Central IL, USA
My favorite is "nonchalant". Perhaps the creators of the English language should have been more "chalant"? smile

#916750 - 04/29/08 12:14 AM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 205
PerformingYak Offline
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PerformingYak  Offline
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Posts: 205
Lightning Ridge, Australia
What about promted and demoted... what does it mean to just be moted?


"Work hard and strive to reach the power of bland"
#916751 - 05/05/08 04:10 AM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 588
Late Beginner Offline
500 Post Club Member
Late Beginner  Offline
500 Post Club Member

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 588
West Australia
laugh

English is not so hard, provided you stay alert. Or better still two lerts. And don't get disgruntled just because inflammable and flammable mean exactly the same thing. Please stay gruntled at all times.

You can be overwhelmed by English, and possibly underwhelmed. But don't expect to be whelmed. Apparently the last whelm died in captivity several centuries ago. You can also be inert and inept (don't we know the feeling) but not ept or ert, no matter how hard you try. frown


According to Bill Bryson's book Mother Tongue, the word that has the longest entry in the Oxford English Dictionary, and requires the most explaining because of its multiple meanings is "set". No wonder we get UPSET with the complexity of English sometimes. With two parents as erratic as that, how else would you feel... SET UP possibly??

Also, don't forget that the following English sentence can actually be punctuated so that it allegedly makes sense (if you're really stuck for something to do, that is...):

Jill where Jack had had had had had had had had had had had the teacher's approval.

All clear now??


Cheers,

Chris

Answer to similar puzzle at Wikipedia

From MotherTongue:

Quote
Set... has 58 uses as a noun, 126 as a verb, and 10 as a participial adjective. Its meanings are so various and scattered that it takes the OED 60,000 words - the length of a short novel - to discuss them all.


Who needs feet of clay? I can get into enough trouble with feet made of regular foot stuff...
#916752 - 05/05/08 04:18 AM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 518
ROMagister Offline
500 Post Club Member
ROMagister  Offline
500 Post Club Member

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 518
Bucuresti, Romania
In Romanian it's "cheie franceza".
In French it's "clef anglaise".
In English it's "monkey wrench".
Don't know any monkey tongue...

#916753 - 05/05/08 05:22 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 4,126
TX-Dennis Offline
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TX-Dennis  Offline
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Posts: 4,126
Texas
Nothing could be more wrenching to a monkey than to watch a human approaching wielding a large and rather unwieldy monkey wrench in the hand attached to the arm which does not have a watch on its wrist. So armed, the human could dispatch the monkey with dispatch.


Dennis
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#916754 - 05/28/08 04:26 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 369
Michael Steen Offline
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Michael Steen  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 369
Sciota, Pennsylvania
I used to show my students that an alternative way to spell "fish" is "ghoti."
GH as in "tough"
O as in "women"
TI as in "motion"
Good luck with this language. help


I'm getting there--note by note.
#916755 - 05/28/08 04:43 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 14,826
keystring Offline
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member
keystring  Offline
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 14,826
Canada
Homphonically my favourite:

A tutor who tootled the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor:
"Is it easier to toot, or to
tutor two tooters to toot?"

#916756 - 05/28/08 04:45 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 634
JDelmore Offline
500 Post Club Member
JDelmore  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 634
Late Beginner--I inadvisedly followed your link, plus one, and found that "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo."

Ye gads.


PTG Associate Member

"There is always room above; there is only the ground below."....F.E. Morton (with props to Del F.)
#916757 - 05/28/08 05:03 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,360
Rosanna Offline
1000 Post Club Member
Rosanna  Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,360
San Francisco Bay area
Quote
Originally posted by JDelmore:
Late Beginner--I inadvisedly followed your link, plus one, and found that "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo."
I looked it up in Wikipedia. The amount of bull in that sentence made my head spin. laugh


[Linked Image]
#916758 - 06/15/08 02:06 AM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 177
1silkyferret Offline
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1silkyferret  Offline
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Posts: 177
Elsewhere-now Texas
Then there is the split,the bowling split,banana split,and now I gotta split

#916759 - 10/03/08 02:16 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
UKM Offline
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UKM  Offline
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Home
If you do not object to the object, I would like to subject the subject to a sereies of subjectiv objectives.


All there is to thinking...
Is seeing something noticeable
Which makes you see something
You weren't noticing,
Whaich makes you see something
That isn't even visible.

PM me if you want to play N.
#916760 - 10/03/08 02:35 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,358
Kymber Offline
1000 Post Club Member
Kymber  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,358
MA
If pro is the opposite of con, then is congress the opposite of progress?

I used to work at an adult ed center that taught enlish as a second language. I thought about how difficult it must be for the students to learn becuase sometimes it just doesnt make sense.


“The doubters said, "Man cannot fly," The doers said, "Maybe, but we'll try,"
And finally soared in the morning glow while non-believers watched from below.”
― Bruce Lee
#916761 - 02/22/09 05:08 AM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,974
jgoo Offline
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jgoo  Offline
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Posts: 3,974
Seattle, Washington, USA
Quote
Originally posted by 1silkyferret:
Then there is the split,the bowling split,banana split,and now I gotta split
You forgot the split infinitive, the relationship split-up, and the splitting headache.


For off-topic discussion, please feel free to visit www.coffee-room.com
#916762 - 02/22/09 06:48 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 788
hotkeys Offline
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hotkeys  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 788
Massapequa, NY
Frank has a point here. One word that confuses many is "Bass", which could mean the low notes on a piano, or a type of fish. You would need to pay attention on how it is used in an sentence.

Mark


...The ultimate joy in music is the joy of playing the piano...
#916763 - 02/22/09 09:47 PM Re: You think English is easy???  
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 39
gnu Offline
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gnu  Offline
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Posts: 39
Double bass, bass guitar, bass clarinet...

They do say that puns are the basest form of humour laugh


Public domain scores: scanned (IMSLP) · typeset (Mutopia)
Free open source software: notation (MuseScore) · workstation/sequencer (LMMS)
#1154950 - 02/28/09 11:23 PM Re: You think English is easy??? [Re: gnu]  
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Leon Shuffle Offline
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Leon Shuffle  Offline
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Posts: 71
New Jersey
The word "And" can be used in a sentence 5 times in a row, and make sense. Though I guess that's not as impressive as using "Had" 11 times in a row.

Last edited by Leon Shuffle; 02/28/09 11:42 PM.

Now we dolly back
Now we fade to black
#1183638 - 04/19/09 05:04 PM Re: You think English is easy??? [Re: JDelmore]  
Joined: Oct 2008
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Tar Offline
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Tar  Offline
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Munich, Germany
This reminds me of an episode of Yes Minister

Betty Oldham "Look, Sir Humphrey, whatever we ask the Minister, he says is an administrative question for you, and whatever we ask you, you say is a policy question for the Minister. How do you suggest we find out what is going on?"

Sir Humphrey "Yes, yes, yes, I do see that there is a real dilemma here. In that, while it has been government policy to regard policy as a responsibility of Ministers and administration as a responsibility of Officials, the questions of administrative policy can cause confusion between the policy of administration and the administration of policy, especially when responsibility for the administration of the policy of administration conflicts, or overlaps with, responsibility for the policy of the administration of policy."


Tar Viturawong
Amateur composer and pianist
Known on YouTube as pianoinspiration
verbis defectis musica incipit
#1184886 - 04/21/09 08:56 PM Re: You think English is easy??? [Re: JDelmore]  
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Posts: 641
London
I actually laughed as I read through this.


Ravel - Une Barque Sur l'Ocean
Kapustin - Etude No. 7
Bach/Busoni - Chaconne
#1188394 - 04/27/09 02:10 PM Re: You think English is easy??? [Re: Piano World]  
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LA
ahahah great post. love it


Amy

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