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I am turning 31 years old and has restarted learning piano since about 1.5 years ago. I started from RCM 4, skipped 5, finished 6 and now just started working on RCM 7. I work full time and still taking courses part time for career advancement. I love "playing" piano. I love the feelings of being able to play the pieces I like one after another.

I will have to say that I have a good teacher. She is a Doctor of Music in Piano Performance. She is an excellent pianist and very knowledgeable. I've been working with her since I restarted. However, is she a good teacher for me? That's my question.

I understand that all learning processes are painful. No pain no gain, right? I do practice as much as I can. However, I have a stressful enough life too. Playing piano is only part of my life and not the first priority. On the other hand, I hope I can relax myself by playing beautiful music. I consider "playing/learning piano" is a leisure. Therefore, of course the importance of my family, career and professional training courses would be more than a leisure.

I really appreciate my teacher's effort on trying her best to make me better. However, I really hope my teacher would respect my circumstances as well and stop pushing me like I'm a 5-year-old. I can see frustrations on her face often and make me feel I am an idiot and very stressful.

I am the kind of person who plays by ears. While I am working on RCM 7 pieces already, my sight reading level is probably only at level 2 or 3. There are three things which are stressing me out and taking the joy of playing piano from me.

1. Recitals- my teacher kind of force me to go on the stage. It has been three recitals already. Every time I stressed out so much and every time I screwed up. I was always frozen and played the pieces very poorly. However, my teacher blamed me on not trying my best, but finally said that I don't need to go next time. Maybe I didn't try my best on controlling my anxiety and trying to calm down and think before I started playing. But I guess I was just too stressed out overall to start to hate having to do this and be there.

2. Counting out loud- I know counting is crucial, but why I have to count OUT LOUD while playing? Can't I just use that "da-da-da" thing? (sorry, don't know how to say that in English) For some reason, counting out loud "One and Two and Three and Four and" is really screwing my mind while I am very busy with my fingers and reading the notes already. It's just very difficult for me to do all of the counting, reading notes and playing together on new level 7 pieces.

3. Reading notes- It's going to take a long time for my reading level to catch up my playing level. I mean I know the notes, but just reading them very slow. Slow enough to upset my teacher. I have to admit that I don't really spend much time on improving my reading. Because it's so boring. It's much faster if I just remember the piece and play. I am trying to not memorize the piece until the end. However, it doesn't look like it's enough effort as my teacher would hope I do.

I totally understand that reading the notes and counting the notes are the foundation of playing piano well. However, I would like to learn those with a professional teacher but on my own pace. I often saw this face on my teacher which really made me feel I am a total dumb or a lazy bomb or something. Don't get me wrong. She is a very nice lady. She just thinks that I can do much better if I tried my best.

Anyway, enough for now. You can already tell I have many frustrations. I am considering of looking for another teacher who will be more laid back and not so hard on me. I don't care if we spend another 3 years on level 7 as long as I can work on the pieces I like. However, I am afraid that my frustrations are originated from my own problems. Then I better fix my attitude or problem first. I just sincerely hope playing piano can still remain as a enjoyment for me, not another stress, not another burden.

Please feel free to say anything or even criticize me. I welcome all kinds of comments. Any comment will be valuable to me.

It sounds like you're not having fun. Start looking for a teacher who wants to teach you.

How about letting her know you want to go at your pace? How about letting her know that you ARE trying your best but your natural talent is playing by ear rather than sight reading?

One thing I don't understand is the 5-year-old comment? Any teacher will push you to do your best--and if they don't, then they aren't a good teacher even if you are enjoying yourself. Do you think a 5 year old responds to being pushed better than a 31 year old? I doubt that.

@Recitals: Don't feel bad--it's called stage-fright and everyone gets it.
@Count aloud: my brother's teacher has him say the notes relative to the speed "eighth-eight" said very quickly, "quar-ter" said slower yet, etc, rather than numbers. Maybe you could try that?
@Sight-reading: best to start practicing because it's a useful skill. Just don't stress too much. Again, no need to stress--you are learning for fun, remember

"and make me feel I am an idiot and very stressful."
She does or you do to yourself?

It seems that, if anything, you should talk with this teacher and set things straight. Be gentle:
"I love having you as a teacher and I appreciate you working so hard to push me to my best, but... [blahblahblah]"

Hi Chi Chi,

Welcome to the forums.

First, "no pain, no gain"? I sure hope you don't mean physical discomfort or pain with this comment. If there is, then you need to stop what is causing the pain and get help with the part of your technique or the physical problem that is causing it.

Second, what are your goals? Are you the one deciding that you want to go through the exams, or is your teacher making this decision for you? Your goals need to be a big part of your heart to heart conversation with your teacher or your search for another teacher.

If part of your goal is to be a well rounded pianist, then I would suggest that taking some time to work on your weaknesses would be a good thing.

Rich

Personally- I would find another teacher. While it's true we all face difficulties and challenges when learning something-it is not necesary for us to continue with a teacher that shows their frustration and makes you uncomfortable.

I would interview new teachers, let them know what your goals are and what you are comfortable with etc. Set up some trial lessons with them and go with whoever you feel most comfortable with. (I will say though that sometimes we do have to do things a little out of our comfort zone, it helps us to grow)

For the record my reading and rhythm is not as good as my playing. I decided to just focus on the rhythm first and get good solid foundation going and then pick up where I left of with the pieces I already know. I had some teachers that made me miserable enough to quit. But, now I have a great teacher and I have improved more with rhythm etc in the short time I have been with her than any other teacher.

I think the right teacher makes a big difference. Why hold yourself back?

Kymber has seen the crux of the biscuit.....

If playing the piano with the teacher you have makes you miserable enough to quit, then you need a new teacher. A teacher should inspire and increase your deire to improve. On the other hand, any good teacher will push you as well (push, not belligerently SHOVE)

Don't lose the joy you have in playing. If this teacher can't inspire you, find someone who can.

I would never pay someone to induce me with stress and frustration. After all, you are her employer. Is she doing the job that you want her to do or is she doing the job she wants to do? It is your job to communicate exactly what you want from her and from piano lessons in general. If she is not willing to help you achieve those goals more or less the way you want then I would look for someone else. Remember, you are paying for a service and not for aggravation.

By an expert who knows how to achieve those goals. the question is whether both parties have the same goals, not whether a student should impose a method on a teacher. I have a feeling the goals are not the same.

KS

Hmmm...what I didn't see in your post was any attempt at entering into a dialogue with your teacher about your goals, your aspirations and your frustrations. If she's really a "good teacher" then she should be able to work with you where you are.

For now, I'd forget about testing at any RCM levels. If your ability to read music is as far out of synch with your playing as you say it is, there's no reason to study for RCM tests. Rather, work on developing your reading and rhythmic skills.

BTW, counting out loud is important -- and yes, it's probably difficult for you if you are trying to play pieces at your "play by ear" level while you are trying to read it! The disconnect is too great. When working on your reading skills back off on the level of music you are trying to play.

Discuss this with your teacher so that you can both be on the same page. If the teacher isn't able to meet you in this, then she's not a good teacher and it's time to move on...

Ed

you definitely don't have to participate in recitals if you don't want to. teachers would always push it on students, but the choice is yours and you shouldn't feel pressured to do so.

If you just want to play for your own enjoyment, find a different teacher who doesn't stress you out so much. But if your overriding goal is to be the best pianist you can, do as your teacher says. She may be a harsh taskmaster, but it sounds like she knows what she is doing.

Chi Chi - What are your actual goals and reasons for taking piano lessons?

Thank you for all the valuable comments, suggestions and advice.

My goal is simple. I wish to be able to play the pieces I like and enjoy myself playing. That’s it.

My teacher clearly told me yesterday that she didn’t buy what I told her anymore. Those are all excuses to her. She thinks I am not doing my best or I just don’t want to do it. She thinks that I need to push myself through. Otherwise, I won’t progress. I appreciate she thinks I am capable of doing that. I appreciate her efforts. Normally, I don’t dare to argue with her. I can’t change what she thinks about me. I guess I am also trying to force myself to meet her expectations. That’s why I am so stressed out. I am at the point where I don’t want to have any more stress in my life. She knows I am just playing for fun, have a full-time job and can only practice about 45 minutes a day.

However, is it even possible to learn an instrument stress free with lots of fun? Would changing a teacher solve this problem though? Maybe I am just not a good enough student for most teachers. I should put myself together before I even considering learning or playing piano.

The 5-year-old comment was from her. She said, “Chi Chi, you are 30 years old and not 5 years old anymore. You should be able to control yourself better. Why do I have to tell you things and push you like a 5-year-old? Can’t you understand what I said? You should learn from those little ones. They played so gracefully on recital.…etc.” Unfortunately, sometimes I just didn’t get it. My teacher would get really frustrated by me too and started being impatient and raised her voice. Then, I felt very bad, stressful, and miserable and like an idiot. Does she cause this or I am just doing it to myself? I don’t know. Maybe I am just doing it to myself. I don’t like to see her get disappointed at me. However, I think I often got her disappointed. Also, I should probably consult with a physician and find out why I can’t control my anxiety before going on stage.

I know she is a good teacher. If I want, I can learn a lot from her. She will give me whatever she has to offer. I can feel that she is frustrated as well because I don’t utilize her profession to the most. She wants to offer this much, but I only want to take this little. I haven’t figured out what I am going to do yet. Like I said, maybe most teachers don’t like my kind of student.

I really just want to play it for my own enjoyment at this point.


Ps. I didn’t mean physical pain when I said “no pain, no gain.” ^^

I think she's a skilled musician. I'm not sure she's a good teacher. Shame isn't part of the teaching process. She's using shame based tactics to manipulate you into trying harder. You've somehow invested yourself in pleasing her rather than learning from her.

I'd find someone else.

Well said.

"The 5-year-old comment was from her. She said, “Chi Chi, you are 30 years old and not 5 years old anymore. You should be able to control yourself better. Why do I have to tell you things and push you like a 5-year-old? Can’t you understand what I said? You should learn from those little ones. They played so gracefully on recital.…etc.” My teacher would get really frustrated by me too and started being impatient and raised her voice"
(someday I will figure out how to do that quote thing)

Ok I am getting mad just reading this. This is not an indication of a good teacher. This is an impatient and rude teacher. A good teacher knows that everyone learns differently and will teach accordingly. If she is unwilling or unable to do that she is not the right teacher for you.

I have to commend you for not telling her to (beeeeep) off. Because that is what I would have done.

And let me ask you this...
Why is she blaming it all on you? Maybe she isn't explaining things well. Maybe she only knows how to teach 5 year olds...

I have to train people where I work and some people just don't get it so I explain it a different way. I always remember that I know this stuff and they don't. I would never blame or insult them if they didn't get is as quick as someone else does.

I went through something similar with a teacher and I internalized it all. I blamed myself. I was not good enough, smart enough, talented enough etc. Well that was all false. She was just not a good match for me (not sure she's a good match for anybody). I dreaded my lessons and I quit for 4 years after her. Now I have a teacher that I love and I enjoy practicing and going to my lessons. I still have to work hard and somethings are a struggle but at least my teacher isn't making it worse!

Ok - sorry to go on like that. But, it just really upsets me when people blame themselves in this kind of situation.

I say run for the hills and don't look back!

In my opinion, the solution is a digital
piano. With your busy schedule a digital
will enable you to get in practice time
whenever is convenient. A grand piano
is going to limit you to practicing
at certain times so as not to disturb
people when they're sleeping, etc.,
whereas, with a digital, you can hop on
the piano at 3 A.M. and get in practice
time if that's what's convenient.

If you're thinking that you would ruin
your technique by practicing on a digital,
that's completely invalid, because
digitals are the best thing for developing
technique--your teacher will marvel at
your improved playing (but don't mention
the digital, because classical teachers
are notorious for hating digital pianos).

What does that have to do with her teacher conflict...?

Gyro, your suggestion of a digital piano in this thread made me LOL. Seriously, you think that has any bearing on her interpersonal problems with her instructor? You're clearly out of your mind - but a little crazy adds spice on the boards. Keep it up!